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Original poster

Would this annoy you?

29 replies

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 13:31

I was a bit upset earlier, have a lot of work to do and I'm feeling a bit depressed anyway.

Partner asked if I would like a cup of tea and I said ok, but there was no milk. He said, no problem, I'll go and get you some.

But first, he re-arranged the books on the bookshelf. Then checked his emails. Then tidied some stuff up. Now it's 3 quarters of an hour later. I said, don't worry about that milk, I'll go and get it and he went off in a huff to get some.

Maybe I'm being a dick about it, but he often does this. Offers to do something nice and caring and then doesn't really do it or takes a long time to do it. It honestly just makes me feel that he doesn't care that much.

But then I am quite a needy person, so am ready for you all to say I'm being an idiot.

OP posts:

pictish · 04/06/2012 13:32

Storm in a teacup OP!

DairyNips · 04/06/2012 13:34

Maybe not annoy me as such. I'd probably make a jokey hint about the kettle being broken

HecateTrivia · 04/06/2012 13:34

No, it's irritating. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow My grandma used to call it 'manyana' (unsure how it's spelled). It's very annoying. I like people to just get up and do something if they say they're going to bloody do it

Original poster

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 13:38

It wouldn't annoy me if it was once. It pretty much is literally every time he offers to do something. On Friday it was cooking dinner - we didn't eat until 11.30.

On Saturday, it was cooking lunch. He promised to do it at 12, but he didn't even start til 2.

Yesterday we were meeting friends at 3. It takes half an hour to get into town. At 2.35, I just walked out the door while he said I was over-reacting.

I don't know. It's grinding, because half the time I end up doing stuff myself because he takes forever to get started.

OP posts:

pictish · 04/06/2012 13:40

Hmmm there seems to be a problem in general with him dragging his feet. I can see that would all be very annoying!

DairyNips · 04/06/2012 13:42

Oh, that is annoying! I would get really irritated with that! I would tell him so too!

babyhammock · 04/06/2012 13:43

It would really annoy me. Its as though he's saying stuff purely because he thinks its sounds good but has no 'real' intention or desire to do it...

It would annoy me more though that he then gets all arsey about it when reminded or when you have to do it instead.

babyhammock · 04/06/2012 13:45

sorry meant to add... because that takes him from being lazy/forgetful to a bit of a knob

Babylon1 · 04/06/2012 13:45

My DH really needed alka seltzer yesterday morning, I offered to get it for him

It took me over an hour to get it for him purely out of jealousy that he'd been drinking and I hadn't but he was far too hung over to be annoyed with me

He did however, get very annoyed with me, when I put a big greasy fry up down in front of him and made him heave!!!!

Thumbwitch · 04/06/2012 13:45

It's irritating. DH has similar prioritising issues - drives me slightly nuts as well.
His favourite is to harangue me to be ready to leave, which I am always ready in time to do, and then when I'm ready he'll decide he "just" has to find his jacket, go to the loo, fill his water bottle, check an email, do x other trivia that he could have done instead of haranguing me unnecessarily.

But he does cook the meals on time when it's his turn - his stomach is on a clock!

Thumbwitch · 04/06/2012 13:48

Actually my parents were like this too (I seem to be bottom of everyone's priority list except mine!) - once I was really really ill with flu, could barely get out of bed except to go to the loo - I phoned my parents and asked them to get me some ginger ale and some brolene drops for my eyes as I had conjunctivitis that had started that morning as well. I phoned about 10am - my Dad turned up at 4pm because "he'd had a few things to do and didn't want to drive himself over so had waited until my brother was available to give him a lift". That really fucked me off, badly.

SleepingDogz · 04/06/2012 13:49

nah wouldnt annoy me, but then i rarely get annoyed or offended by anything

if he said i will cook lunch at 12 and hadnt started by 12.20 i would get on and do it myself. i wouldnt say anything then when he said oh i was going to do that, just say yes but you didnt so i have. end of

i never see the point in getting upset, annoyed, irritated over trivial stuff

Original poster

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 13:49

YES Thumbwitch. Exactly. Every time we need to leave, suddenly he needs his jacket/keys/phone or needs to pee or whatever.

It is infuriating.

When it's things like that, I can laugh it off. When it is food, and I am starving and have cooked every night that week, or when I am upset and he's offered to do something to cheer me up, it's not that funny any more.

OP posts:

Original poster

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 13:50

Would you do it if it meant you ended up cooking every day, SleepingDogz?

Because that's what I'd end up doing. That's what's happened in the past.

OP posts:

Beckamaw · 04/06/2012 13:52

I do the same BUT I am apologetic rather than arsey. I switch the kettle on and start doing something else. I forget I am supposed to be making tea.
I know it pisses DP off.

HecateTrivia · 04/06/2012 13:56

Do you think he deliberately doesn't do them so that you'll get fed up and do it yourself and he can give you a wounded look and say "I told you I was going to do it..." So it's not that he doesn't do things, it's that you jump in and take over

rather than wait 14 hours for dinner while he reorganises his sock drawer

Original poster

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 13:57

No Hecate, I don't think he does it deliberately.

I think he is just easily distracted and doesn't think much about other people.

OP posts:

HecateTrivia · 04/06/2012 13:59

Have you told him how you feel or asked him why he takes so long to get round to doing what he's committed himself to doing? What does he say?

babyhammock · 04/06/2012 13:59

Ah Becka, that's nothing to be embarassed about ...everyone does that x

JoinTheDots · 04/06/2012 14:04

Yes it would annoy me, and does - my DH can be similar at times. As you say, easily distracted and in my case with little concept of how long things take.

Original poster

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 14:07

I've asked him Hecate and get various replies - it's not that important, I should stop being so up-tight, he knows it's annoying and he'll try to change...

The lateness thing has stopped being such an issue - I've seen him be up to 2 hours late to meet people, and he is late for work every single day. He is rarely late to meet me any more and he knows that I'll just leave without him if he is.

I don't know why you'd offer to make a cup of tea if you weren't going to do it for an hour. Especially if it was because the person was upset.

But I don't want an argument. We've been arguing a lot recently and I just can't be bothered.

OP posts:

arthriticfingers · 04/06/2012 14:09

Sounds pretty passive aggressive to me

babyhammock · 04/06/2012 14:14

Make your lunch and the DCs, tell him you'll make him something special in a minute and then forget don't...see how he likes it. Oh and make sure you respond in the same way as he does.

Original poster

yellowraincoat · 04/06/2012 14:16

It wouldn't work babyhammock. He doesn't really care if I make tea or not. He will happily eat pasta til the day he dies.

I suppose I could offer doing stuff for him and then not. I don't know. I don't really want to get into a tit for tat thing because I just fear it will escalate...

OP posts:

babyhammock · 04/06/2012 15:01

Yup that's the trouble....I wouldn't want to be bothered with doing that either because its just more stress :(
Don't know what to suggest other than you have my sympathy. Btw my ex used to do this too x

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