Would this annoy you?

[yellowraincoat]

I was a bit upset earlier, have a lot of work to do and I'm feeling a bit depressed anyway.

Partner asked if I would like a cup of tea and I said ok, but there was no milk. He said, no problem, I'll go and get you some.

But first, he re-arranged the books on the bookshelf. Then checked his emails. Then tidied some stuff up. Now it's 3 quarters of an hour later. I said, don't worry about that milk, I'll go and get it and he went off in a huff to get some.

Maybe I'm being a dick about it, but he often does this. Offers to do something nice and caring and then doesn't really do it or takes a long time to do it. It honestly just makes me feel that he doesn't care that much.

But then I am quite a needy person, so am ready for you all to say I'm being an idiot.

he's late for work every day and keeps friends waiting around for a couple of hours? I'm amazed he has a job or friends.

I'd find that really irritating tbh - it's like he's Mr Important and can do as he likes and everyone else can go hang.

With his job, the timing is not that important, he's a journalist, so people do tend to trickle in, but coming in at 11 or 12 is sort of taking the piss and he has been spoken to a couple of times.

With his friends, I suppose people are just used to it, that's just what he's like. It's very clear he doesn't do it out of spite and he is a very laidback person so I guess people don't get annoyed. If someone turns up late to meet him, he wouldn't be annoyed at all - probably wouldn't even notice.

He knows it upsets me if he's late, so he has stopped doing it with me.

I don't know. Maybe we have very different priorities. Like I said, he's very laidback and I'm the opposite, I get very easily stressed and wound up. I'm starting to really think that, as much as we love each other, we're just not suited to each other in terms of lifestyle.

I really need to be "cared" for in order to feel loved - nothing special, just the odd cup of tea, bar of chocolate, that sort of thing. He doesn't need that at all so I suppose he can't relate to why it upsets me.

I'm moving to a different city in September to study for a year and I wonder if that will just be the natural end to our relationship. I feel sad, because I really love him and when we are getting on it's great. But we really don't have the same feelings about how to live day-to-day and that's hard.

yellowraincoat.

You just want to be visible?
Be thought of?
Be thought about?
To not necessarily be a priority to but to feel you are worth making some small effort over that costs nothing but shows you're cared for?

It's not a lot to ask for.

But I'm sure he doesn't realise the significance.But somehow having to explain it all to him,rather reinforces the point.

OP my DH is exactly the same! It drives me nuts. says he'll cook dinner & we end up eating at 10pm, if I start doing it he gets defensive & says "i said I was doing it". Or he'll make a big deal out of cooking me "a nice meal" but ends up buying ready meals. or does a roast but forgets to get me a veggie option . also Says he'll be home at a certain time & turns up 1-2 hrs later etc etc