I've been reading stuff on narcissism but that just doesn't fit as she isn't deliberately mean, she means well and thinks she is doing her best as a mum/grandma. But if she isn't a narcissist I don't know what else to call her. To know might help me assess the damage to me and help me move forward with stronger self-esteem and healthier relationships.
It's always been about her, she's always been oblivious to anyone else's needs.
She's an only child.
Her mother was jealous and possessive of her, after her dad died at 15 she wouldn't let her leave home to go to teacher training college or travel, she made her get a job to support her, my grandma never worked. So she had it tough when she was younger. She's now retired and finally doing all the travelling she wanted to do and living her dream.
She acts like a child a lot of the time, doing things for attention like drawing attention to any physical discomfort she may be in, can talk for hours about her bowel movements/piles.
She wants my attention constantly and I find her exhausting. If I am trying to do something else on on the computer she just sits and stares at me.
I've never liked her touching me, I have no idea why. I am very tactile with my children and men I have dated. To try and touch me she will do things like tickle my foot if I am sitting next to her on the sofa or poke me in the back of the neck which I just find immensely irritating.
She dislikes babysitting the children and had made it clear she doesn't want to, so I no longer ask. Once I left her with them for two hours while I went to an exercise class and to get some groceries in, when I got back she was in floods of tears because she "couldn't work my coffee maker". My take on this was she was punishing me for leaving me with the kids.
She's constantly looking for affirmation eg I offer her some cake and its ooo I shouldn't, think of my waistline, but ooo it looks so nice, I'm so naughty aren't I, looking for a reaction from me...I am mentally rolling my eyes. Or she'll go on about her unattractive figure, how small her boobs are, how big her bum or tummy are...I keep quiet.
She and her comfort always comes first, she won't put herself out for anyone.
She'll offer to help but then make such a hash of it / pretend she can't do it / moan about it so you end up doing it anyway.
When I told her about me and ex-dh breaking up her reaction wasn't one of sympathy, it was, why didn't you tell me sooner, I thought you were a bit off with me because of something I had done, how could you let me think that, I was so upset thinking it was me...not a word of sympathy/empathy.
I could go on...any thoughts anyone??