Am I being unreasonable?

[Teansympathy]

Okay so DP goes to visit his ex and kids , did not phone me last night he said he would, phones this morning early with the excuse his battery died, BUT he stayed at EX,s house on the sofa, and helped chop her trees down all day yesterday , he doesnt even cut my grass!, he is all lovely dovey saying he will be home later and apologises for not phoning , am I being unreasonable to feel really annoyed and pissed at him for this?????

Erm, you're slating your partner for spending time with his children, and making their garden a safer/nicer place???

He should have let you know what was going on, yes. But it's not quite on a par with all night drug binges and strip clubs. Unless you think he cheated on you with the ex?

His phone died... The amount of times i've heard this excuse.

no not slating him for seeing his kids and helping and yes i do cut my own grass it was the fact that he normally stays at his daughters , so this was different and yea i did say could he not have borrowed his daughters phone just to let me know he was okay, I am being a pain I know but it is hard when someone has alot of baggage.

I would expect my husband to be extremely if I slept all night at xp's.

What specifically are you angry about? It sounds like it is that he does things for his children but not you. I'd be angry about him secretly sleeping all night at his ex's and not calling to let me know. To be honest that would probably be a deal breaker if he was only a dp and not a DH.

His kids are all adults now , i am not sure why his ex wife can not hire someone to do the work , as she can afford to have an extension being build , she is so clingy to him that is what bothers me to be honest.

my ex does loads for me and the dc,his new partner hates it too but we have 4 dc together so she can lump it They dont just become the resident parents responsibility when you split up imho.

Yes i was pissed he stayed at the exs that is why I am moaning on.

x posted,to be fair mine are still young.

So you are bothered about him being too attached to his ex. Well he is a DP and not a DH. This sounds like basis to dump. It isn't reasonable to start breezing in and telling him he can't have the kind of relationship he wants with the mother of his children. The problem is you and him want different things - he wants to be there for his needy ex, you want him to be there for you. Don't waste more of your time.

emm ledkr , his kids are all ADULTS now so they do not need him to being doing things for him they all work and have there own lifes, I would never stop a father from seeing his kids , that is not a problem for me.

Offred, well you could be right there it just pisses me off so much , she is a pain in the neck and has not moved on in the 10years they have been divorced , dont suppose she will change now, oh god men.

"dont suppose she will change now"

Exactly. She won't. I wouldn't be too keen to hang around if he's always helping her out and she's still attached to him and can't get over the relationship that ended a decade ago. It just sounds like a pain in the neck.

Oogaballo , jeeze I AM A DUMB TWIT think I am just realising this , I have to do it dont I? , you have hit a nerve but thanks.

No she won't and the point is that for some reason he wants to help her out. You can't really change either of these things. If you haven't told him how things make you feel then this is necessary first, sometimes people need to be told so they can reassess patterns they have fallen into accidentally but if he wants to keep looking after her and you feel like he prioritised her then I can't see what there is for you in the relationship.

The sad thing is I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MEETING HIS 3 ADULT KIDS TOMORROW but one of them is not well, and he has not even asked the other 2 if they want to come over and see me , think it was just a wind up again.After 18 months I thought we had turned a corner wrong , wrong.

Sounds to me like this man is Just Not That Into You. It's probably better to move on rather than keep clutching at him and whining and going 'Say you like me better than her...'

Well you said it , I thought it , how can i have been that dumb .He does give the impression he is very needy and phones me every night never misses apart from last night ,guess i am the needy one .

Ah, see i was imagining kids of the still at school variety. Kids with a travelcard/driving licence should be able to make their own arrangements to see Dad!

Yadnbu to be pissed off that he thought it aporopriate to spend the night with another woman with or without letting you know!

Offered I did tell him how i felt but not the bit about him always helping her , jeeze communication is the thing i know , I will need to spell it out to him and see where we can go or what his priorties are .

Purple , dont worry I am so fed up i probably did not explain the sitiuation many thanks for your help and support , i just love the support you guys give me on here cos i feel like crying at the moment , and i do not cry !.

There's nothing for you to spell out.

He's made his feelings for you pretty clear.

You will do when his ex doesn't want him around, but you are not his priority.

I get the impression there's an awful lot more situation to explain?

You are right there is always more to a situation, his ex is clingy and will not change he seems to jump for her , but denies it to me, I just can not put up with it, having not met any of his family the whole time we have been going out , and he always comes to mine as his house is a mess a ruin that needs drastic renovation,I do pick them dont I.