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Original poster

An otherwise great DH or is he

38 replies

outofteabags · 02/06/2012 22:12

I need someone to talk sense into me.

My DH is generally recognised as a great guy. He is brilliant at home, fun to be with and loves me dearly.

This weekend he has f*ked up massively, earlier in the year he agreed to go on a stag night in Prague without looking at a calendar and realising that it would f*k up the 4 day weekend and also my 40th birthday.

He has been massivley stressed at work, but that is nothing new. Outside of work he has NOTHING else to deal with as I do the lot, children, home, my job ? everything.

I am always the one making do, I have tried not to be outwardly pissed off about this weekend but I have had the most foul day with the kids, and now have to look forward to the joy of driving all over the UK for next three days to enable us to see DH when he gets back, manage half term whilst being horrifically busy with work.

Added to that, my 40th. I swore I wouldn't get upset but seriously, all I want is to be cherished. The only reason we did anything is because I sorted it. My present, whilst fancy is a f**king hideous watch clearly bought randomly "at the new watch shop at Bond Street station"

DH is clueless, if I say anything, he is going to flip out but frankly if he was in the room right now I would be walking out the door I am so pissed off with the whole thing.

He is a great best friend and Dad but a crap, husband and lover and has made me feel utterly worthless.

Or am I just hysterically tired on a saturday night, run ragged by children and a client who's f**ked up a project, rang to ask for help and I am still 'helping' now.

OP posts:
coppertop · 02/06/2012 22:17

It's easy to appear to others as "a great guy" when you've got someone else dealing with all the crappy jobs and the day-to-day drudge.

It doesn't sound like he's a great best friend at all. Why didn't he cancel the stag night when he realised his mistake?

It sounds to me as though he puts himself first, his friends second, andhis family last.

PorkyandBess · 02/06/2012 22:20

If he loved you that 'dearly' he would have cancelled his stag night.

It's your 40th birthday - he should be making a huge fuss of you and compensating for his crapness.

Oogaballoo · 02/06/2012 22:25

"Outside of work he has NOTHING else to deal with as I do the lot, children, home, my job ? everything."

This is ridiculous and unfeasible and I think you need to split things more evenly.

CailinDana · 02/06/2012 22:26

So he expects you to run around after him like a slave and didn't bother to be around for your 40th birthday? Does he have any good features?

complexo · 02/06/2012 22:34

have you watched that prgram showing what is going on on these stag nights in those countries?

maras2 · 02/06/2012 22:39

He's not a great guy.He is a very bad man to have upset you so much,especially as it's your birthday.You have every right to be upset Out of tea bags.Tell him to shove his mankey watch. Pig !!! Anyway happy birthday from me.Mx.

complexo · 02/06/2012 22:43

Well you are only 40, maybe it is time for a new beggining?

Original poster
outofteabags · 03/06/2012 08:16

I must clarify, out of work Monday to Friday he works away and lives in a difficult situation. Our choice as it has enabled a better setup overall and won't be forever.
He never buys anything or does anything for himself so I do feel bad moaning about him. Perhaps I just lost the plot last night in a woe is me way.

OP posts:
tribpot · 03/06/2012 08:21

I find it almost hard to believe that the guy didn't know it was your 40th, but he certainly should have cancelled it when he realised the mistake. What did he say when you pointed out the clash of dates?

BalloonSlayer · 03/06/2012 08:27

Why do you have to drive all over the UK to see him when he gets back?

I'd knock that one on the head for a start. Let him come to you. Were you supposed to be collecting him from the airport?. "Sorry Darling, I've had such a rubbish 40th Birthday that I am not spending it driving as well."

And what? He doesn't normally live with you in the week? Well he bloody well ought to be "brilliant at home" give that he's practically never there.

Offred · 03/06/2012 08:39

Have completely missed what might be good about him.

Can't fucking stand the ridiculousness of fucking stag nights nevermind stag nights in fecking Prague... They are for the man child...

mrsconfuseddotcom · 03/06/2012 08:39

Wow!

What are you waiting for? Do you seriously think this relationship is going to improve?

My XP did a similar thing. Forgot it was my Birthday and planned to go away with his mates. Being the modern woman I am I didn't make a fuss but we agreed to compromise and I met up with him on the Saturday night. Should have been fine but the fuckwit couldn't manage to buy me a card let alone a present. It was one of many things that happened that confirmed he couldn't give a 5hit. Thankfully he is now my ex.

It is totally rubbish and I really feel for you but you need to work out what you are getting from this relationship. It doesn't sound like he is being a 'good guy' to you, sorry.

Happy 40th Birthday from me though! Wine

Leverette · 03/06/2012 08:44

This reply has been deleted

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ToothbrushThief · 03/06/2012 08:46

It should be you in Prague. Not him.

Stop pretending it's ok to him. Don't be a martyr and cope. Refuse to travel - make life easy for you and tbh if it were me I'd sell/return the watch 'because it doesn't fit comfortably' and book a spa weekend forcing him to have the DC on his own. Take some good books and cherish yourself.

waltermittymissus · 03/06/2012 08:50

Happy 40th :)

Don't feel guilty about him not doing anything and working away...he gets to go back to a hotel every night with uninterrupted showers, room service and tv/Internet/actual sleep!

Hassled · 03/06/2012 08:56

You're absolutely right to be seriously hacked off and you need to tell him. He's behaved in a spoilt, selfish and entitled manner and if you just swallow this, wait till the anger has past and carry on then he will carry on behaving in a selfish, entitled manner.

Don't drive to see him - he can come to you. Tell him you hate the watch. Tell him he's made your birthday shit. The ball should be in his court - he has to put things right, not you.

What do you mean by if you say something he's going to flip out? Does he not take criticism well?

Hassled · 03/06/2012 08:57

passed, not past

AllRiseForHerVaj · 03/06/2012 08:58

He shouldnt have gone on the stag night. Bottom line.

Chandon · 03/06/2012 08:58

He behaves like that because you let him.

You are too accommodating!

He is NOT a great guy, really

AThingInYourLife · 03/06/2012 09:13

Don't bother your arse driving around so you can see him.

He fucked off for the weekend. Now you make it the nicest weekend you can.

Happy birthday! :)

VodkaJelly · 03/06/2012 09:17

He actually went away on your 40th birthday? Shock

My 40th is later this year and I had accepted a friends hen party in Spain before I got the dates, when I got the dates my 40th is in the middle, i wouldnt be in the country for it and wouldnt be back for another 2 days.

DP was not happy, saying he wanted to spend my 40th with me and wanted me to be at home and not in Spain, this is how it should your DP wanting to spend your special day with you.

What do you get from this relationship?

AllRiseForHerVaj · 03/06/2012 09:20

DH and I have a very equal relationship and are happy to accommodate each others' social lives as far as possible. He is even going off to Euro 2012 for our wedding anniversary Shock....but he put this to me months ago, before he booked it, and wouldn't have gone if I had had a problem with it. He is also taking me on a romantic weekend away afterwards, so that we don't miss out on that time together (which is why I was OK with him going Grin).

I am not saying this to be an annoying smuggard, but imo, this is how it should be. Give and take, discussion, compromise, agreement.

It is shit that you are left alone on your 40th birthday and over a bank holiday weekend, and that you are feeling so shitty about it. I really feel for you. It sounds like your DH just doesnt take your feelings in to account. Time to get assertive.

pamelat · 03/06/2012 09:25

He should have cancelled when you/he realised your 40th birthday!! It's frankly ridiculous

However, does he even know how upset you are?

Original poster
outofteabags · 03/06/2012 09:40

My birthday was during the week so he came home for it. I think I am just really feeling it as the whole country seems to be doing stuff and we aren't. I am travelling partly to rectify that. Me and the kids are going to a party this afternoon and Dh will come find us tomorrow.
When he is at home, he is great, dies everything you ask him to and more - completely steps in and up as he hates being away.
I think from the way I have written it I have made him out to be a monster. He isn't, he is just clueless sometimes. But am am relieved to see I am not bring unreasonable in currently feeling this horrid bitterness

OP posts:
tribpot · 03/06/2012 09:43

Okay so in his defence, he was there for your actual birthday but away for the start of the long bank holiday weekend. But your OP said I am always the one making do and I think this is at least partly to do with the fact that your current arrangements, with him being away from home all week, puts an enormous burden on your shoulders alone. When do you get to go away and have fun, leaving him with the house and the kids to sort out?

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