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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Punch in the face

38 replies

UnexpectedItemInTheBaggageArea · 02/06/2012 04:22

Hi,I am 20 years old and was with my ex "D"P for two years. It started off OK and slowly got worse, he began kicking and punching me and abusing me verbally,I always denied it was DV well today it was the final straw. I was in the local nightclub with my friend when my Ex came up and punched me in the face in front of everyone. I feel very alone and hope you ladies can help me.

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInTheBaggageArea · 02/06/2012 04:26

If any one has any words of wisdom I would really appreciate it, since it happened I cant stop crying

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 02/06/2012 04:29

Holy shit! You poor thing. It is domestic violence! Can you ring a friend and get them to come round?

AmbrosiaCreamedMice · 02/06/2012 04:29

Ring the police. The same happened to me at your age, I'm 45 now, and I can honestly say it affected my life greatly. You have one life, don't waste it with him.

savoycabbage · 02/06/2012 04:31

Did you rind the police? He can't be punching you in the face the bastard!

UnexpectedItemInTheBaggageArea · 02/06/2012 04:33

Thanks for your replies, I live with my mother at the moment and didn't want to call the police because physically I am fine but emotionally I am very upset. I didn't think it would be worth my time ringing the police as I have no proof he hurt me?

OP posts:
lifeisfuckinggreat · 02/06/2012 04:42

But you have a witness right, I'd call the police too. You have to get the police involved because he's got to stop.
Have you ever spoken to anyone about the DV?

UnexpectedItemInTheBaggageArea · 02/06/2012 04:50

There was witnesses in the night club I suppose, a lot of people saw him hit me but I dont know their names or anything, to be honest I just want someone to tell me I will be ok without him. After he hit me, he threw his drink at me, then he text me "haha thats what you get" I never told anyone about the DV and now I feel very sorry that I didnt"

OP posts:
Whitershadeofpale · 02/06/2012 04:57

You will be ok. You will be better than ok. If you stay with him you will be destroyed not just physically but emotionally he will grind you down until you become a shadow of the person you are now. You will stop going out as its 'easier' than risking provoking him. You will spend your life walking on eggshells never knowing what will set him off.

You can tell about the DV now it's not too late. Call the police. Take back the power.

lifeisfuckinggreat · 02/06/2012 05:03

Of course you'll be Ok without him Unexpected what a piece of shit for treating you like this. How about contacting the police after you've had a bit of sleep? It's important that you don't allow his behaviour to continue, what he did to you was assault.

savoycabbage · 02/06/2012 05:17

You will be ok without him! Of course you will. You are 20, you have friends and family. You are guaranteed a shit life with this 'man'. He is a horrible wanker. There are loads of men who are lovely people.

AllOverIt · 02/06/2012 06:03

Please ring the police. That's awful SadSad

ribbonsandrainboughs · 02/06/2012 06:13

Terrible stuff. I echo those who say call the police. I also rec that you get this thread moved to Relationships so you can get advice from the wise MNetters there.

WhiteWidow · 02/06/2012 06:14

Bloody hell I hope you're okay!!!

If it was me he'd be six foot under already. My dad would have seen to it. But please go to the police and get this bastard sorted out.

EvilEnabler · 02/06/2012 07:19

You will be better than ok without him. It may be tough to start with, you may even miss him sometimes even though you know he is a knob. But lean on your family and friends and let them care about you, and one day in the future you will look back and think: "What did I ever see in him?"

I've been there. I had a horrible violent tempered live-in boyfriend for a couple of years in my late teens/early twenties. I look back and just can't understand why I didn't get out of there sooner, or why I ever thought I loved him. I don't recognise the person I was when I was with him. But 10 years later I know I am so much better off without him - and I have a lovely husband now who has never so much as raised his voice at me, much less his hand.

Some men may seem great at first, but actually they are just shits. No decent man would ever just attack a woman. And then to be pleased with himself afterwards and gloat by text? Ugh. He is a disgusting excuse for a human being.

If you can face it, do inform the police - even if you aren't visibly injured - it was his intention to hurt you which counts. Would your friend back you up on what happened? Would the club have security cameras? Did anyone who works in the club (easier to find than a random clubber) see anything? Did you keep the text he sent? Even if it doesn't confirm that he hit you it may still be worth showing police to illustrate your story.

I really don't think you should just let him get away with it. Because what if he does it again? Either to you or to some other poor girl?

Even if the police don't have enough of a case they can actually prosecute, it might still be best to make a report that he has been violent towards you, just so the police are aware - even if they can't do anything.

McKayz · 02/06/2012 07:24

Ring the police! The club might have CCTV so there would be proof.

Hope you're ok.

Longtalljosie · 02/06/2012 07:32

The one thing you've got to promise yourself is you will never allow this man anywhere near you again. Domestic violence gets worse, never better. If he feels confident enough to punch you in the middle of a nightclub God knows what he'd do to you behind closed doors if he got the chance.

What happened after he punched you? Did the staff make no attempt to stop him / call the police?

It was assault. You have every right to call the police. He's stupid as well as being a violent twat because it's an open and shut case - I'm quite sure the club will have CCTV - there were witnesses - and he texted you to tell you he did it afterwards.

idontbelieveanymore · 02/06/2012 07:35

You have to call the police to make this stop.

Call the Police - he assaulted you. If you do not call the Police it will keep happening. He needs to know that you will not allow it again.

Call the Police right now.

alphabite · 02/06/2012 08:10

Poor you. What a horrible thing to happen.

Didn't any of the people step in at the club and restrain him (or punch him back?) I can't imagine people not helping and that some drunk guys in the club wouldn't batter him.

I echo what others have said. Go to the police. You have witnesses at the club. I presume you were there with other people who would be witnesses and if necessary the police could look for other witnesses that were there. Most clubs would have CCTV. Ring them today. Stay strong. No one deserves domestic violence.

Fizzylemonade · 02/06/2012 08:23

I agree, call the police and they can request CCTV footage from the club.

If you don't he will do this again to you if he sees you. Next time he may not stop at one punch.

fishface2 · 02/06/2012 08:24

Call the police. I was in your situation at your age and punched outside a night club. I don't understand this now but I would have probably got back with him. Pressing charges meant there was no chance of that so that is why I did it. I knew I had to do something to show the end of relationship. Pressing charges will make you feel less of a victim and more in control and stronger. To be honest, if family find out this will help to make it less likely you will get back with him too. You've got to think of the future. You don't want a husband like him and you certainly don't want him gathering your children. Phone the police and consider that to be a symbol of the end! Good luck and take/ care. Get a personal plan - uni? Travelling, physical challenge , new job, holiday etc and throw yourself in. You're so young , don't waste your time on this loser. X

fishface2 · 02/06/2012 08:26

Fathering not gathering

HecateTrivia · 02/06/2012 08:27

You have been assaulted.

do what you would do if a stranger had come up to you and punched you in the face.

Report it.

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2012 08:28

I hope you haven't deleted that message. Go to the police - you should ask for a restraining order against him. This means he isn't allowed to come near you.

Were any of your friends with you or was he sly enough to do it when no-one you knew was there?

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2012 08:30

I'm asking for this to be moved to Relationships, if that's OK, OP. AIBU is the wrong part of the site, though nobody would think you're unreasonable.

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2012 08:33

You poor thing :(

He has assaulted you. Report it to the police. They can check the cameras in the club.