DH's feelings about how I should spend my day off

[zozzle]

Normally I do the weekly shopping on my day off (fri) while kids are at school. Got in at midnight from work last night so decided I felt too tired to go shopping today so have pottered round the house catching up with housework. Also I had an important phonecall just as I would have normally gone shopping. I will do the weekly shop tomorrow.

DH is now in bed. I think he is sulking that I didn't go shopping today, as I will now have to cut into family time at the weekend to go. The same thing happened 3 weeks ago and we had a row about it.

For a while he has tried to "have a say" in how I spend my time off - he thinks I am not "efficient" enough with my use of time. Yes, because I am bloody cream crackered (and not a natural domestic goddess)!

Is this just a man thing (ie. wanting to use time efficiently) or is he being a total prat?

And what would happen if your work hours increased and you no longer had Friday 'off'?

"He says we both need to have our needs met in our relationship - and one of his needs apparently is a relatively ordered house ready for the weekend with the shopping done. "

Well then, what about saying that one of YOUR needs is that the house is all relatively ordered with the shopping done on a Thursday night ready for your DAY OFF on Friday - and ask him how he is going to arrange this for you?

Excellent Balloon

That would be my choice of response.

So. Are you going to say that or something similar zozzle?

And when? Today?

I'm a miserable sod if I've been at work or doing something with the kids and come home to find DH has done jack shit,if stuff obviously needs doing.

But tbh I'd fully expect that if I itemised what I wanted him to do or told him in specifics he'd make a point of not doing it.

Same applies here,the other way round too iyswim.

It would be very empowering for your DH to learn how to meet his own needs, surely, rather than depending on you? Liberate him by pointing him in the direction of the Ocado website and the hoover. And leave him to it.

(FWIW my partner sets up the Ocado order every week. Then, obviously, we argue about who has put or deleted what on it .)

I'm on team h.
Unless your finances are totally unlinked you enjoy a day off because you agree to share money.
Meanwhile. Do it online weirdo !

Holy fuck - and you put up with this attitude from him why??

Tell him it's absolutely no problem for him to 'have his needs met' and have the house sorted and the shopping done for the weekend :) He can shop on his way home on Friday night - simple.

Fuckwit.

So - who does the housework?

zozzle why don't you order your shopping online on mon/tues/wed or thursday? Quick and easy to do, no need to take up anytime on a friday to do this surely? And dh can put the stuff away when it arrives. Or vice versa. I honestly think going food shopping on a Friday is a hugely inefficient and unecessary way to spend your time and find it hard to understand why anyone would do this.

That leaves your hospital appointment and housework to do on a Friday - surely that is achievable? And if you want to see a friend on Friday get some of the housework done on Thursday evening?

Then BOTH of you can have time off at the weekend without needing to do much housework surely?

I wouldn't find it very fair if I worked 5 days a week and my partner worked 4 days then had a "day off for me-time" tbh. Do you also do a lot more than your dh during the week and at weekends? If so then maybe this is what needs to be addressed?

You have children don't you? So you are not working less hours then him if you are looking after the kids.

Tell HIM to do the online shop on his "evening off"!

So, add up the time you spend working, cleaning, doing the shopping, looking after the kids etc. Then do his. I doubt he works more.

Set up the shopping to be delivered in the evening while you are at work to give him something to do.

Tell him to fuck off!

Seriously? Seriously?!!!

I would :
(a) Rather take the DCs shopping with me at the weekend and so he can have some 'time off'. That should shut him up.
(b) Tell him to fuck the fuck off. How dare he micromanage your time. He sounds like an utter arse (in this field alone. I know how easy it is for very nice DHs to come across as complete twats for one piece of twattishness.)
(c) I would decide that due to your new found efficiency drive, you've decided that shagging him is not a good use of your spare time and that your are going to be grouting the tiles in future when he fancies one.

Job done.

I feel your pain OP - it sounds like our dh's have very similar control freak tendencies. Mine likes the phrase "If I were you, I would have done xyz..." and then judges me on not being him

Practise saying no (it is a complete sentence), and lots of the suggestions above are fab.

He needs to be reminded short sharp shock that he's your dh, not your boss.

"If I were you, I would have done xyz..." and then judges me on not being him

Wow he sounds like a knob!

Thanks for all your responses guys - lots to think about. He's definitely being an arse about this!!

Yep back to online shopping me thinks! Otherwise it takes such a chunk out of your day. And I Hate supermarkets with a passion. And people say you don't spend as much when you shop online.

PooPoo Nah, not a knob, knobs are useful

Zozzle yes, definitely an arse. What worked for me (online shopping wise) was making a list first - made forgetting the small stuff a lot harder.

I have two days off a week

I go to the gym in the morning, go shopping or garden in the afternoon

It takes a short amount of time to pop to the shops, buy a few bits for tea and cook tea once I've picked the kids up

I'd rather work more than spend all day cleaning and food shopping and then we could share the cleaning and shopping on weekends

I would tell me dh to fuck right off if he even tried that crap on me. Try it - you might like it!

Yeah i find online shopping saves me money because i don't impulse buy.