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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

police dropped all charges against abusive ex. What now?

91 replies

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 21:57

My good friend (she's siting here with me) has an abusive, violent, unstable ex. She left him, and he harassed her with sometimes as many as 50 phonecalls / texts a day, many threatening.

She went to the police and they were sympathetic.

They typed out all the texts from him on her phone. They arrested him and took his phone.

They bailed him and told him not to contact her, and she waited for a court date. What she wants is so feel safe from him.

When the court date was due, she heard form the police - via an answerphone message on her phone - that they hadn't managed to get sufficient evidence against him, the CPS had dropped it - despite them having his phone - and so all charges have been dropped. They have given him back the same phone he used to harass her on before, and he's started up again, although so far the texts are more in the vein of "I will always love you and forgive you for what you've done to me" (i.e. calling the police because he was harassing her). She's told the police he's contacting her again and they said she has to start from scratch with a new accusation of harassment.

She's scared of him and living looking over one shoulder when she goes out. He doesn't know where she lives but they're in the same town.

She doesn't understand how they could have his phone and not find evidence. And if he'd deleted all the messages surely they could ask the network provider, or access deleted messages from the phone itself (they told her they would do this)?

They've advised she go for a civil non-molestation order, but she can't afford it.

This isn't right, surely. Can anyone offer any words of advice?

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MissKeithLemon · 29/05/2012 22:04

If he doesn't know where she lives, I would suggest she change her number and avoid him at all costs if she can.

he'll get bored and move on hopefully.

Olympia2012 · 29/05/2012 22:08

Your title says police dropped charges.... They didn't. Nothing they can do.

I agree, he will get bored and move on

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:08

She does avoid him at all costs. There are whole sections of town she won't go to/

But this town isn't big and she is scared of bumping into him.

She's scared of what will happen if she meets someone else - she's terrified he'll loose the plot.

He's not getting bored. It's about 6 months since they split up. His behaviour is obsessive and unhinged.

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threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:11

Do you have any experience of harassment and the law?

Someone calling you several times a day is classic harassment.
I know other people who have been harassed and the police have dealt with it.

They told her they were going to get the evidence from his phone, and that they would be able to do it even if the texts were deleted, but then they didn't do it, and didn't explain to her why.

This isn't right, surely?

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Olympia2012 · 29/05/2012 22:13

She needs to change her number..... Have been there myself

Out of interest, what would you like to have happen here?

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 29/05/2012 22:14

My sympathies to your friend. My XH stalked me briefly by phone and I was in a terrible state.

I'd definitely suggest she changes her number. That way, when he texts, she won't know about it. It'll (hopefully) give her a bit of a break mentally.

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:16

"Out of interest, what would you like to have happen here?"

We would like him to be barred form coming near her, however that might happen.

I'm wondering if the police didn't do their job properly and considering whether complaining to a senior officer at the station might help.

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Olympia2012 · 29/05/2012 22:20

But as you said, it's a small town. Bound to cross paths at some point

SixtyFootDoll · 29/05/2012 22:23

The police should have downloaded the texts . Were they able to prove the texts came from his phone? If he had pay as you go, unregistered, is difficult.

In domestic cases CPS make decision to charge and CPS make the decision to discontinue.

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:24

Does anyone know why the police wouldn't be able to get the texts from his phone?

They can get them from the phone even if deleted can't they? And if that didn't work couldn't they get evidence from the network provider?

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Olympia2012 · 29/05/2012 22:29

How do you know they didn't get the old texts?

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:31

Well I suppose I don't.

I know they'd be enough to charge him for harassment, so if the CPS have dropped the charges, I assume they didn't have this evidence, but no, I don't know that for sure.

Why would the CPS throw it out if they had the evidence?

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threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:31

SixtyFootDoll they had his phone, they took it from him.

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TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 22:32

Go to the CAB, go back to the police and ASK them what evidence they need to prove harassment. The police know this is harassment, your friend knows this is harassment, get some help in proving it and get this arse prosecuted.

Your friend needs a new phone. The other one can be left at home gathering evidence. Ask the police for help from their stalking teams.

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:32

"In domestic cases CPS make decision to charge and CPS make the decision to discontinue."

Yes it was the CPS who decided to discontinue.

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Meglet · 29/05/2012 22:33

My XP was fined and cautioned on one days worth of nasty texts, the police offficer wrote them onto his pad. I'd had weeks of crap from him and the police were great, the texts soon fizzled down to not much and all contact died out after a few months. I do get scared as we're in the same town though.

FWIW I refused to change my number as it wasn't my problem. He would only have got hold of it again.

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:34

Up to 50 texts a day, over time, including threatening ones is surely enough to prove harassment?

They police certainly seemed to think so when she went to them at first.

I think one of the problems here is that they haven't explained why they've dropped it fully. They just left a message on her answerphone.

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TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 22:35

You can get non-mol orders from www.ncdv.org.uk/contactus.html see if these people can help.

121 · 29/05/2012 22:36

Even if he was convicted she would probably have to go for a civil non molestation order.... is there an advice drop in centre near you? They could probably let her know about legal aid help she could get.

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:37

Getting a new phone is not going to stop her feeling threatened by him.

He attacked her, and also several of her male friends when they were together as he was jealous of totally imagined unfaithfulness.

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TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 22:37

The police will want to help your friend, go in and talk to them, they will be supportive. They will be as pissed off as you are.

TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 22:39

No, nothing will help her to stop feeling threatened, but by getting this creep put away properly, working with the police to do whatever it takes to build a case against him, then he will have to be face consequences.

Stick at it.

HappyJustToBe · 29/05/2012 22:40

Your friend should have the decision to discontinue explained to get properly. If a court date was arranged she should have a Witness Care Officer who she can speak to in order to arrange this though a letter would be standard.

I'm sorry to hear about her experience and hope she still feels able to keep reporting to the police.

TheHappyHissy · 29/05/2012 22:40

I'm saying get a new phone so that she can leave the other one to one side, carry on with her life however she wants to do that.

threeleftfeet · 29/05/2012 22:41

"My XP was fined and cautioned on one days worth of nasty texts, the police offficer wrote them onto his pad."

Exactly. It's definitely enough evidence. Why would hers get thrown out, it doesn't make sense!

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