police dropped all charges against abusive ex. What now?

[threeleftfeet]

My good friend (she's siting here with me) has an abusive, violent, unstable ex. She left him, and he harassed her with sometimes as many as 50 phonecalls / texts a day, many threatening.

She went to the police and they were sympathetic.

They typed out all the texts from him on her phone. They arrested him and took his phone.

They bailed him and told him not to contact her, and she waited for a court date. What she wants is so feel safe from him.

When the court date was due, she heard form the police - via an answerphone message on her phone - that they hadn't managed to get sufficient evidence against him, the CPS had dropped it - despite them having his phone - and so all charges have been dropped. They have given him back the same phone he used to harass her on before, and he's started up again, although so far the texts are more in the vein of "I will always love you and forgive you for what you've done to me" (i.e. calling the police because he was harassing her). She's told the police he's contacting her again and they said she has to start from scratch with a new accusation of harassment.

She's scared of him and living looking over one shoulder when she goes out. He doesn't know where she lives but they're in the same town.

She doesn't understand how they could have his phone and not find evidence. And if he'd deleted all the messages surely they could ask the network provider, or access deleted messages from the phone itself (they told her they would do this)?

They've advised she go for a civil non-molestation order, but she can't afford it.

This isn't right, surely. Can anyone offer any words of advice?

Olympia2012 you're really not helping. I am trying to help a friend who is living in fear and you are not helping. Isn't there another thread you can be argumentative on.

This isn't AIBU.

can be frightening, not cant! FFS, my typing tonight.....:o

Chuck the phone away.

If he then tries to come to her house dial 999.

It's not just about him finding her house. She can't go out without looking over her shoulder. And she can't date anyone as they'll be under threat of pretty extreme violence.

"Harrassment cant be very frightening, and shouldnt be underestimated."

Thank you bogeyface for your understanding.

Change numbers.

Take steps to protect herself by trying to avoid him whenever possible and/or having a friend with her at other times if avoiding him is not possible.

Contact police again as suggested upthread by helpful MNer's.

Dial 999 at the mesest hint of trouble from him.

All the above will help to protect your friend from him.

Having a go on MN will most definitely not.

merest

Does she just read the texts or has she ever responded to them?

Two people I know have recently been in the same situation. The first had her ex banging on her door - Police spoke to him

The second had her ex banging on car bodywork while her children were in the care - Police also visited him.

Your friend's ex has been 'spoken to'. The threats have now been replaced by more concilatory messages - so he's harrassing her rather than threatening violence.

Harrassment is also an offence. Keep reporting it.

Personally, I'd chuck the phone, get a new one and have it on speed dial to 999 when I went out.

Everyone has said the same, get rid of the phone!

Threeleftfeet Whilst I think it's highly commendable that you're supporting your friend who's having a terrible time, I do think that whilst trying to find the answers as to how to help her, you seem to be looking for someone to blame. I'm not sure how helpful that will be - we can police/cps bash all night but it won't actually help your friend in any practical way.

The police do appear to have done their best to investigate fully - from my scant knowledge (did some defence work in the Mags court as well as some non-mol applications), the police have to send away phones for forensic investigation. They have to seek funding to do so and it can take months to obtain the evidence itself. Then, as others have said, they have to put it forward to the CPS who have any number of conflicting guidelines and impossible targets to meet as well as being seriously under-staffed and under-funded itself and therefore under a great deal of pressure. Most of the people I've met who work in the CPS and the police are highly sensitive to vulnerable people like your friend and often go above and beyond their jobs to help them. Of course there are some dud ones, those are the ones that make the news after all. But on the whole, I think it unlikely that the fault lies with any one individual professional your friend has encountered.

So how can you help your friend? I suggest you ask her to log any and every incident that occurs with the police - using the non-emergency line if necessary or by visiting her local police station and speaking to someone in person. When her ex attacked her and her friend, did they make statements? Harassment by telephone/text on its own IME is very hard to obtain a conviction and most often I've seen it tagged on after assault, abh that sort of thing. I think the suggestion down thread to use another phone and simply use the existing phone to collate evidence is a good one. Also, use a diary to note down events as they happen. Use the phone recording facility if he abuses her in the street. If any one witnesses these incidents, getting them to accompany her to the police station to give witness statements will help I think.

I know that you feel your friend shouldn't have to do this especially when it seems that in other areas, police are more "hot" on harassment. But beware of accepting anecdotal evidence that your friend is getting a bum deal. Often, people are missing out key vital details that differentiate their cases from your friends so therefore the outcomes are very different. Has your friend contacted her local Domestic Violence Unit? There should be one in one of the bigger police stations near her. They might be a great source of information and may be able to literally "get on the case for her".

Please do accept the advice people on here are giving you in the spirit it is intended. MN is a minefield of people with different backgrounds, professional and personal - your friend may want to start a thread of her own in Legal as well as Relationships so that she can start to try to unravel the damage this guy is causing her.

(Apologies for the long post - phew!)

X-Post - OP, if the threat of violence is as bad as you are suggesting she may need to move out of the area at least temporarily.

Not fair I know, but safest option for threat of extreme violence. Does she have family or friends she can go to while it dies down.

To be fair to police/cps - whilst it is only a perceived threat of violence, and he hasn't actually done anything, it is the best option. Their hands are probably tied I would think. No-one to my knowledge can be prosecuted for something they may do in the future.

No-one to my knowledge can be prosecuted for something they may do in the future

I think they can actually. The primary role of the Police is actually the prevention of crime.

Thanks for the long post Casnncarry, I appreciate it.

"you seem to be looking for someone to blame." I'm sorry if it comes across like that, I'm really not.

I'm simply trying to work out how this situation might have come about and therefore, what the best next steps would be.

Gotta go put something in the oven! Back in a sec ...

I second the suggestion that your friend talk to the police and ask the CPS directly for clarification.

Your friend has got to be absolutely consistent in not having contact with her ex: is it possible that, through fear, she may have caved in and spoken to him or something? Anything that might have muddied the waters (in the eyes of the CPS) and led to the decision not to prosecute?

I suggest you and she look into whether she can access any schemes that give free legal advice or representation so she can look into getting a civil injunction against him. I know of one-the Bar Pro Bono Unit. You can find it online.

In the meantime, she must log everything that happens and contact police as soon as she receives a threat.

I see that Wetaugust, but what I mean is that this seems to be a perceived threat of violence towards the OP's friend. That is surely different no?

I would think that the prevention of crime in this case would be to suggest that the op's friend takes reasonable steps to protect herself from this man as suggested.

Its not a crime for someone to think about doing it, it is a crime to actually indicate he will do it (via text or whatever) but this seems to have ceased after the police have spoken to him.

It is the perceived threat from him, she is scared, but no crime is being happening just (and I use the word just to make a point about how the police/cps may view it - rather than to minimise) because her friend is scared. Iyswim?

"he hasn't actually done anything" Unfortunately not true.

He's done lots, but I've not mentioned any of it as there's no evidence so not relevant to the legal questions. The only thing there's any evidence of is the texts and calls.

I really think the next step (apart from getting new phone number) should be to go for the non mol order. Call women's aid - they will have a list of DV specialist reasonably priced solicitors.

It's more than perceived if he's made actual threats. The perception is in whether those threats are genuine.

It is actually a crime to think about doing it - in fact a crime is not a crime unless there has been an element of mens rea.

Vicar's right - stop second guessing why no action has been taken but make sure that every future threat / harrassment etc is report to the DV Unit, recorded and dealt with.

OP, I'm not a legal person or anything at all. I just wanted to help by not leaving your post unanswered, and I have a twunt of an ex who has made threats and all sorts at different times and of different sorts over the years so I know how horrible it can be living with it hanging over you.

I wanted to help by making suggestions as to how your friend could protect herself from this man.

I did not want to get into a wrangle over the rights and wrongs of the police/cps/law etc etc.

I have nothing further to add. I hope your friend gets some advice on how best to protect herself from him, I really do.

MissKeithLemon I'm sorry to hear you've had the misfortune to have been through something like this too, it's horrible.

"Harassment by telephone/text on its own IME is very hard to obtain a conviction and most often I've seen it tagged on after assault"

That's interesting to hear, it's not what we've heard from other people but yes I appreciate we may not know the whole story.

EldritchCleavage

Many thanks for the advice about the Bar Pro Bono Unit, I'll look them up.

"Your friend has got to be absolutely consistent in not having contact with her ex: is it possible that, through fear, she may have caved in and spoken to him or something? Anything that might have muddied the waters (in the eyes of the CPS) and led to the decision not to prosecute?"

I don't know, I'll ask her (but not now, there are other people here now).

"stop second guessing why no action has been taken"

Hey, hold on.

We are going to talk to the police again. But this is new to her (and me). I'm trying to gather information about something which is alien to us. I'm not posting this instead of talking to the police, but as preparation for talking to them.

If you are a police officer you talk to police officers every day, it's not a big deal to you!

But perhaps it is to us. I want to make sure I understand the process and that we ask the right questions.

I thought police were taking these cases of harrassment a lot more seriously these days. But I realise they do not make the decision whether or not to prosecute. I really think a new phone would be a good idea for a start. Return again to the police. Contact one of those Domestic Abuse centres for advice. Is there no way of blocking calls and messages from a particular number.

The texts aren't the biggest problem. The problem is that she's reported a violent, unhinged man to the police (for harassment via phone as it's all she's got evidence of) and it's come to nothing.

In her shoes I'd be worried about what might happen next, wouldn't you?