does MN make it worse?

[LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay]

Just thinking out loud, really... Does reading about others' relationship problems make you more aware of shortcomings in your own?
I have big probs with mine and wonder whether this board makes me feel worse because I prefer not to do anything about it. Yet... I suspect. I will at some point, I'm sure.
Or do we read with a bit of 'there but for the grace...'
All so hard to know. This endless navel gaZing can't be healthy, surely?

I find the opposite actually. Makes me appreciate what a great partner my DH is.

(sorry, just realised that sounds a bit boak-worthy)

I find the Relationships board highlights the short comings of my current relationship, which isn't a bad thing really!

I think it makes me appreciate mine more.

I'm happily single and reading the relationship board makes me want to stay that way.

I'd say it's helped actually. When DH was being really slack with pulling his weight around the house, I couldn't articulate why it was pissing me off so much. MN helped with that, and also lots of practical advise on how we could sort it out. Been a long time coming, but things are a lot better now on that front, and just generally in our relationship, there's a lot more balance and we're both a lot happier for it.

iliketea, boak worthy or not, I was going to say the same thing! Reading about some of the crappy things peoples partners say or do really puts things into perspective when I'm getting annoyed about socks!

So why are those that are happy on here? Is it voyeurism? Genuine question. My issue is not a very widespread one, I sometimes wish I had a shitty partner who would make the decision to go more easy! U know... Be careful what you wish for....
But I honestly don't think MN makes me feel better. So wtf am I on here for?

TBH, I only click on relationships if its on the active conversation list, I don't hunt out the threads.

Could it be a case of 'Misery loves company' Lost? Said in the nicest possible way.

I'm happy now. But wasn't always. Only recently discovered Mimsnet and it has helped me lay some ghosts. Such as the lingering guilt/anger from my first marriage. It has also made me appreciate DH more. And it's comforting to know that if I ever do need a word or two of advice o can come here.

I so agree with TimeformeandDd

I don't think Relationships helps really at all tbh, I try and stay away unless it is active convos, as I find it too annoying.

I think it can make me overanalyse my own, perfectly normal relationship in a way that isn't healthy.

Several years ago I found Mumsnet when I was in a very abusive relationship. I can't tell you how much support and friendship I got on here. It saved my sanity!!!
Now I am in a new happier relationship (and have a new mn name!) and have different reasons for coming on MN (usually step parenting issues these days) but I still find the same support.
Occasionally I stumble across a thread in relationships by someone who is where I was back then and I feel the need to tell them that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!
Sometimes it makes hard reading though especially when I see posters I recognise from those bad days still going through the same shit

i think this board helped me to start to accept what happened with my ex, and to really understand how that happened, and recognise elements of my upbringing and childhood which were damaging and I was at risk of carrying forward into my own childrens lives without the lightbulb moment.
It has made me appreciate DP, especially as he has probably found it quite difficult, as a man, to listen to me deal with issues about domestic abuse via different threads on MN. he was actually quite surprised when one had a man as the victim the other week, and commented that he had only heard about dreadful men for the last year. however we have both talked about stuff relating to fairly disfunctional parents, and that is a direct result of MN. Id say it has brought us more understanding of each other.

I hardly ever looked at the relationships section until my stb(d?)x and I had split.

For me, mumsnet has helped me to understand his crap behaviour, and put it into perspective! Some posters are too quick to label all bad male behaviour as abusive, which isn't always helpful.
It didn't make our relationship worse, but has made the split easier (it's still dreadful).

Like iliketea I find it helps me appreciate my own happy relationship more. But I do find I have learnt a lot from reading about other people's relationships and as the mother of a teen daughter, I do think I need to understand about difficulties and dangers that are out there. It's like reading some of the SN threads or the health threads: I'm learning about things that may never happen to me or mine, but if they do, then at least I will know a bit more about them. I know the Relationship section has made me a lot less judgy; it's seeing things from the inside.

Despite my exh cheating on me in a horrible way i re married and totally trust dh,however i will also admit that whne i read of all the cheating on mn i do wonder what the future holds dh would be mortified if he knew i even thought that.
It does make me appreciate my lovely life though.

So why are those that are happy on here?

To offer help and advice, because they may at one time have been in that situation, and can offer the OP some insight into how they dealt with it.

I tend to read the relationships topic when things are difficult / suspect in my own relationships. Perhaps looking for some answers or looking to validate my own view points.
It's nice to think some who post in relationships may be trying to help others, but I'm not a big believer in altruism really - I think we usually have a selfish reason somewhere on the agenda.

Thx for the thoughtful replies. Was worried about getting a flaming tbh, but you lot have come up trumps. If and as and when I do decide to confront the problem with my marriage, I'll ne here looking for advice, no doubt! Thanks again...

LostMy, I can relate to what you are saying..I too have problems in my marriage and not sure which way it will go in the future. I'm not ready to make any big decisions at the moment but reading the relationships threads have helped me to see that it could be a whole lot worse, that I would be perfectly justified in leaving if that is what I decided, and that everyones relationships are complex and not usually how things seem from the outside looking in. I don't feel so alone knowing that I'm not the only one having problems.

I became unaccountably obsessed with the relationships board about 6 months before I discovered that my 100% reliable then H was cheating. My subconscious was clearly sending me a BIG message. I remember very clearly reading bits of solosts thread out to my then H, saying 'OMG can you believe what this poor woman is going through, can you believe how vile her H is being' and he was saying 'oh yes, what a bastard' etc, whilst actually doing the exact same thing!!!!

Anyway, the relationships board was a life line in those shitty days. BUT, a combination of my own experience, and the weight of all the awful stories on this board have made me feel very despairing that there are any decent men out there. I pretty much feel that the concept of relationships has been utterly ruined for me, and that if I ever did meet someone in the future, they will inevitably turn out to be a cheater or an abuser. I feel very sad about that , that I turned into someone who believed in 'love' who now just thinks that all relationships are based on an intricate network of lies. The lies we tell ourself, the lies we tell each other. I believe in the olden days I would have thought of these lies as 'compromise', but now I feel a bit like I have seen the Matrix slip, and now know the truth. I see all my friends marriages as pretty much hollow and think that everyone is just out for themselves and that most men would fuck most women over after they have had children with them, and that for most of them it is only lack of opportunity that stops men cheating. A friend of a friend belongs to a NSA site and meets up with many many married men for lunchtime sex in hotels. These men are pretty much always 'decent married men' who I'm sure their wives haven't got the first clue about.

God I'm feeling a bit depressed tonight, sorry.

The first time I posted in this section was a month after I found out about DH's affair. The support was fantastic, for months - I honestly think saved me a whole load on counselling. I posted trying to help on other infidelity threads, but eventually had to stop as it felt like reliving my own experience again and again, and that definitely wasn't helping. I come back every so often when there's no where else to turn, and there's always someone to listen and reply. I feel bad about taking so much from here, but am not strong enough yet to be able to detach and give anything back. Plus I get completely addicted and the kids don't get fed.

Hi Seachange (I used to be amicable). Hope things are well for you xxx