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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am i in the wrong?

49 replies

confuzed90 · 19/05/2012 06:13

I have a 3 week old baby, my partner had time booked off but decided to cancel it and work as soon as I had DS2, not only that he's been doing overtime ( 12 hour nights ) so I have had DS1(3 yrs old) and DS2 day and night. I'm exhausted, lonely n unhappy.

Long story short, we are moving house and have to be in the new house tomorrow. Which we haven't finished decorating or packing. P has not helped with the house at all,

Work has asked him to go into work this weekend.I begged and begged for him not to go, we have so much. He fell out with me because I didn't want him to work, he acts like such a spoilt brat when he doesn't do what he wants. I have spent no time with him since having DS2 3 weeks ago.because he's been constantly working

Last night when he was setting his alarm, I said why as he cnt go I need him so much to help, he kept telling me to shutup, calling me names (as usual) and said he's setting it to get up and ring work.

I have just woke up this morning and he has gone. To work. With a txt saying 'I want to break up'

OP posts:
balotelli · 19/05/2012 06:16

did he want the new dc?

tribpot · 19/05/2012 06:18

You certainly don't sound like you are in the wrong. But the troubles don't seem to have started after your DS2 arrived if calling you names was usual before.

Why has he not helped with the house? I don't think it's in the least surprising you haven't spent any time with him since having a baby 3 weeks ago with another little one to look after too!

So you're meant to be moving house tomorrow? How much stuff do you have to move? Is anyone (family, friends) helping you with that?

I honestly would call his bluff and walk away, preferably back to your parents if they can help you out and give you a rest.

Original poster
confuzed90 · 19/05/2012 06:23

I know it would be hard to spend time together with 2 children, but I mean he hasn't been home. So I've been alone what feels like all the time.

We have a few family members helping us as we have a whole house to move,2 young children. He's relying on everyone to do it for him.
We have had our troubles for a while, and its one thing after another but never as bad as they are now,

He was the one who asked for DS2.

OP posts:
mamij · 19/05/2012 06:55

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run. Hope you're ok. Hugs.

TheQueenOfSheba · 19/05/2012 06:58

He wants to break up??? I would call his bluff and have all his stuff in bin bags waiting for him on the doorstep for when he gets home Angry

SoDesperate · 19/05/2012 07:04

I think I smell a OW rat! Sorry. :(

Blatherskite · 19/05/2012 07:27

Is there a thread of redundancies? Is he scared for his job and that's why he won't take time off/refuse requests to go in?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 19/05/2012 07:33

I would only take yours and the dcs things to the new house.

Tell him that he can pack and take his stuff to his new place since he doesn't want to be together.

Can you afford the new place alone?

MoodyNagoo · 19/05/2012 07:34

I think you need some time with people who are going to help you. Can you get anyone to help you pack? You aren't going to be able to do anything with 2 DCs so I'd be inclined to take a 'recovery day' if you can with your parents?

Don't try and do everything by yourself.

When are you moving?

FermezLaBouche · 19/05/2012 07:43

I agree with the poster who said to have his bags waiting by the door. You don't just toss out something as massive as "I want to break up" without meaning it - it's unbelievably thoughtless and hurtful.

IMO he's either panicking about "losing his youth" and being "trapped" (Pah!) or else there's the prospect of a OW. I really really hope you get this sorted. Spineless twat.

Original poster
confuzed90 · 19/05/2012 07:47

We are meant to be moving today, in officially tomorrow. I have no income.
His job is far from being threatened, they've just gave him a rise because of his hard work, and offered a promotion to begin next year as a general manager in cumbria!! We live in midlands. So his job is safe.

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 19/05/2012 07:51

So he's never home, doesn't help you when he is home and calls you names. Does he actually bring anything positive to your life? You're living like a single parent anyway, why not just get rid of him and get on with being a single parent without the added stress of worrying about him?

FermezLaBouche · 19/05/2012 07:53

Oh God, so you've moved to somewhere in Midlands but next year will have to move to Cumbria?! That's a lot of upheaval for a year. Have you heard anything else from? Did you reply to the break up text?

postmanpatscat · 19/05/2012 07:54

I second what Annie said...would you even miss him?

Original poster
confuzed90 · 19/05/2012 07:56

Yes, I said ok. That's fine. I said me and kids will have to have house as I have no where but he could go to his parents or what not.he now keeps texting me saying I'm the one in the wrong, he's just trying to get some more money.and that he loves me and what not.

OP posts:
OhNoMyFanjo · 19/05/2012 07:57

What a knobber. I think to change from 1 to 2 was harder for me than having no 1.

A text to say I want to break up? Is he 12? Ffs he needs a reality check. He's not listening to you is he? Is there anyone he does like too tgat can tell him what a dick he is?

Blatherskite · 19/05/2012 07:58

Sounds like he's stressed about providing for you all. Is the new house expensive?

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 19/05/2012 07:58

I would not bother with the house move and move in to your parents instead. If he wants to move he can do it instead. U feel for you. You have several major life events going on all at once, new baby, house move and relationship problems please turn to someone in real life who can look after you. Sad

Original poster
confuzed90 · 19/05/2012 08:02

Thankyou, no the new house isn't expensive. We can easily afford it without overtime. He keeps joking to his brother that he wants a 50inch 3D tele though, so assuming that's what its for

I will miss him, but that's because its all I've known my life like for the past good few years.

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 19/05/2012 08:03

Breaking up by text!!-he sounds very immature indeedAngry
I would do what a previous poster said, bin all his stuff and chuck it outside and just continue to 'pack' your belongings up and not his.
Does he need to do this overtime? & do you know for sure he is actually at work?

daffydowndilly · 19/05/2012 08:03

You are not in the wrong.

He could be a work-addict? Really wierd behaviour. Either that or he is petrified of losing his job? Tell him unless he gets counselling you are walking.

Rindercella · 19/05/2012 08:08

He sent his partner - the mother of his two children - a fucking text to say he wants to break up? Angry

You sound exhausted. He sounds awful.

No advice other than just concentrate on yourself and your children. Let the tosser look after himself.

MigratingCoconuts · 19/05/2012 08:11

you are not in the wrong!

He needs to start communicating properly for you to have any idea what is going on in his head!!! And his complete lack of support or understanding for you at this time is breath-taking!

I would also suggest he moves out whilst he works out what i going on in his head!

what do you want to do? move to the new house or with your parents?

look after yourself honey...you have little ones depending on you and you need to be well for them as well as yourself xx

solidgoldbrass · 19/05/2012 08:13

Look, if you get rid of him you will have an income, you will be entitled to benefits as a single parent and he will have to make a financial contribution to the DCs upkeep. Yet you will no longer have to put up with namecalling and being scared of his temper. It's also a great relief, in an odd sort of way, to get rid of a lazy, selfish man becuse you are then no longer constantly stressing about finding the magic button to push that will make him actually pull his weight.

MigratingCoconuts · 19/05/2012 08:15

good post solid!!

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