For those with fundamentally decent and loving DHs / DPs but bloody hell... they can be annoying at times

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This a thread for mumsnetters with good men, but at times highly infuriating in a way that only men seem to be capable of. Not the most politically correct way to start a thread, but that's the truth of it (in my mind at least!)

My DH is a good man. I trust him, I love, I laugh with him and the list goes one.

But b*gger me... he can be a pain in the arse sometimes.

I feel the need to vent after tonight's bedtime.....

It takes him forever to get DS ready for bed. I know he rarely does it. But getting a nappy on him takes about a half hour affair. I am relaxing with a glass of wine (every Sat night, my treat night) and every couple of mins DS runs in starkers. In the end I put the nappy on to much screaming. I sometimes wonder if this is DH's plan

Getting ready to go out. DH uses no initiative whatsoever. I do everything. Sometimes I think how awesome it would be to be in a lesbian relationship raising children. Can you imagine how wonderful it could be? You wouldn't need to remember EVERYTHING ALL THE BLOODY TIME e.g. you go to the nappy bag, and wow.... someone has already checked and put a couple of nappies in there and some fresh wipes.

DH is very tidy, very very tidy. He does not make mess, ever. Problem is he never cooks (genuinely hopeless. I enjoy cooking so no big deal in our relationship), so he doesn't realise that cooking creates mess. So he whinges at me over the state of them kitchen and obscure corners of our home that are a little dusty. I am a SAHM and I honestly think that he is baffled as to why the house is not gleaming. Errr because if you want a gleaming house you are going to have attention-deprived, utterly bored.

Anyway, I am sorry for this boring rant, I could go on!. I feel calmer now and in fact a tad guilty as DH just topped up my wine and gave me a kiss (I think trying to peer over my shoulder though)

Sending him to the shops with a list of vital ingredients for a party and him coming back without a single item in the list, but some random stuff instead.

Glad you like my Harrumphy Gates Robino :o

Right ~ on top of what I've already posted;
sending DH an email at work asking him to print off and bring home a vital attachment, so he brings home the email itself, not the attachment ;
leaving his shoes inside the front door so that I can't fucking open it (and breathe :));
not clearing anything off the bed if he goes to bed first, but leaving the light off, so the only way I know is when things go thump onto the floor in the night (petty, but realllllly annoying!);
same as trixy - sending to shops with 5 vital things to buy, and him returning with a bag of randoms;
wet towel on the bed (and always seemingly on MY side)
Oh, and another the same as trixy about washing one item and ignoring all the same-coloured grubby clothes

I'll close the Harrumphy Gates for the time-being... :)

Sorry Flubba, you were the first to say harrumphy second time in my life to write that word,will dream about it now

Yes opening cheese & not wrapping it - grrrr!

So at dinner

DP: is this Parsley sauce from a packet?

Me: No I made it from scratch, why what's wrong with it?

DP: Nothing, that's why I thought it was out of a packet!

As much as I love him, DH is sat in front of me now putting together £140 worth of Lego Technic. We don't have a child yet (I'm 8months pg), this is just him.

Never ever ever tells me I look nice/beautiful. If I hint REALLY heavily he might mutter something along the lines of "well obviously you look nice, I don't need to tell you that".

Having said that, has spent the last 6 weeks of his life replumbing, tiling and painting the bathroom. Brings me flowers when I look a bit sad/fed-up. Has created a special wave for the cows we pass on the way to work. He's great really.

I also have a lovely, lovely husband. He is amazing in so many ways and I feel very, very lucky.

But ye gods, he is a noisy eater. Not rude or anything- you can't see food-- but sloshy. And bitey. He could eat Angel Delight noisily. But, being the nice man he is, he puts up with my eye-rolling and tutting (which I , in turn, try to curb, given his all-round niceness).

And the farting. Not always, so not too bad, but occasionally it's like a rat crawled up there and died or something.

Me Me Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I am having a bad patch with him ATM and nearly everything he does annoys me.
Top of the list is sniffing. Particularly first thing in the morning and when he gets in after riding his bike home. No matter how many times I ask him if he needs a tissue, he won't blow

That and the joy he gets out of teasing me and turning every up-close-and-personal moment into a sketch from Benny Hill.

DP is lovely but it is like having a third child at times!!

I do get irritated with women who try to micro manage their men as if they are children so as far as I'm concerned if I've asked him once he's an adult and should be able to sort it out. Unfortunately this approach invariably comes to bite me on the backside and means I can never feel completely relaxed about having delegated a task to him.

A common theme is the boys birthday cakes of which I have several examples. Generally I organise everything re birthdays and parties. Not because I want to but because it wouldn't get done otherwise. Invariably I will ask him to get the cake. This is the only thing I ask him to do and is due to the fact he travels in his job so can check different supermarkets to get the best choice of cake.

On one occasion DS was having a cinema party going to see Ironman. I ask DP to get him a cake. He pulls his face and asks what I think DS would like. I tell him he will have as much idea as me but we are going to see Ironman at the cinema and he loves super heroes generally. Two days before party realise there's no cake. Text DP to ask him if he's got it. Get a reply back say,'Oh I didn't know it was all down to me'!!!!!! Because obviously it's such an onerous task!!

Two hours later get a call from DP. He's stood in the supermarket. Apparently there isn't much choice just an Ironman cake and do I think Ds would like that!!!! AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

And he wonders why I get so stressed!!!

Dexter, the third child thing - even my two DC comment that DH is like a third child/older brother. Despite the fact that he has a highly responsible job and is 30+ years older than them. Grrrrrrr

Hehehe! These stories are making me laugh - not in a Schadenfreude type way, more in the Are-You-Married-To-MY-DH type way :o :o

Flubba in a week's time I shall be making so much use of the Harumphy Gates ? that you won't even be able to use them. It has been 20 months since DH and I have lived in the same house full time. Ten months of seeing him only 40 hrs a week, for 7 months I had the luxury [hmmm] of seeing him 4 nights a week and for the last three months he has been 4000 miles away. I have forgotten all his irritating traits and given how much he has managed to make me harumph from 4000 miles away I fear that living together properly will take some of my sanity adjustment.

Oops. Harrumphy. As you were.

As much as I love him, DH is sat in front of me now putting together £140 worth of Lego Technic.

ONLY £140's worth??? Lightweight!

The only consolation I can offer, is that once you have DC, your DHs horrible experience of stepping on those stray lego bricks on the stairs in the middle of the night is the ONLY way know to womankind of getting them to to pick up their shit.

DH still gets stressy about lego. He wants each tiny bit of plastic to be cherished, indexed, ticked off on the in-triplicate spreadsheet indicating its current location, put in it's proper (labelled) box after use (by DS) and basically treated like pure gold.

I remember my sheer bewilderment shortly after DH and I moved in together, upon finding him in bed asleep, with the clean laundry (his) that I had left folded on top of the duvet ready to be put away, shoved over to my side of the bed.

How was it possible, I mused, for anyone to be so idle, slovenly and, given I'd actually WASHED the fecking undercrackers for him in the first place, utterly disrespectful???

My DH used to do that with clean laundry, after about 2 years of nagging complaining by me he started putting it away but the whole mixed pile shoved into one of my drawers. The only cure was me starting to do the same with his clothes. Pants, socks, shirts, suit trousers, the lot, forced into his knicker drawer. Cured!!!!!

So many of these are my dh...the watching tv while choas unfolds, the getting himself ready to go out & moaning that we aren't (because he spends a lifetime in the shower) etc.

I am recovering from an op right now & he has been fab, had a few days off work, cooked, cleaned etc. But his downfall is getting them ready for bed. He sends the girls off to do toilet/wash/teeth & then sits down watching guns n roses on youtube which the girls then hear and want to watch & waits for them to get into bed. It doesn't happen. What does happen, is the bathroom looks likes a tornado has passed through it. They fight/play/generally get loud, so really need to be separated (which is easy as toilet & bathroom is separate) but he lets them get on with it. Never works.

Then bedtimes, he just lets them get in bed, no night light, no story, no checking they have fav cuddly...just in & runs..que yelling & in & out of bed until all is fixed. He never learns.

highly infuriating in a way that only men seem to be capable of.

Sexist, patronising drivel.

Oh, oh - this morning: we have a bucket on the stairs for things to go up. He heads straight past it (empty handed), so I yell at sweetly ask him to take it up with him. He does just that - takes it upstairs, and leaves it, still full and un-sorted at the top of the stairs

But he did make the girls' packed lunches and get the boy dressed :). And he made me a cup of tea and brought it to me in be, like he does every morning :)

I He has an issue with Junk Mail.

He will open said mail, and instead of chucking it straight in the bin because it's irrelevant and useless, he will spread it all out evenly over the pristine kitchen worktops. Empty envelope, then next to that the actual mail, then next to that is the leaflet that came with it etc etc etc. Bearing in mind I am very particular about my worktops being clear from debris it actually boils my piss.

He leaves chargers in the wall, with nothing attached to them.

He charges his Drills and Other Shit in my kitchen. Sometimes they are there for days.

Washing on the floor in front of the washing machine. He is actually being kind because he doesn't know whether the washing in the machine is dirty or clean...

My side of the bed...totally clear and free of debris. His side...5379025702195609326529305671356 pairs of socks trodden into the carpet. Then he will moan he can't find any for work.

The moment he comes in from work, or anywhere else, he goes straight to the bathroom for a poo. It's like a tradition. It annoys me.

But. All this pales into significance when I list the following:

Was speechless for a full 3 minutes when I walked down the stairs in a new dress on Friday night. Then gave me a cuddle and said "I'm the luckiest man in the world" - my daughter heard this and said "you really love mummy don't you?" :o

For my birthday he took me to the hotel we stayed in when we first met 14 years ago as a surprise, it's quite a way away from where we live. Then when we came down for dinner my best friend and husband were waiting at the dinner table. He had secretly arranged with her to travel from the other end of the country to be there with me.

He turned up at my work this morning with a little cake shaped like a heart.

He spelled out "I luv u" with skittles on the worktop one morning. Then wrote on a piece of paper "don't be too mad about the spelling, it's just I didn't have enough skittles to write it properly"

Aw, that is such a lovely post,BelieveInPink.My DH is probably a paled down version of both sides of that.They mean well dont they.

Flubba, thank you thank you thank you! I had a set of things I needed to print off for DD2's homework, I'd promised her I'd do them today (printer at home ist kaput) and I had forgotten till I read your post about your DH. You have saved me from the wrath of a 6-year-old with perfectionist ishoos, thnak you

:o Glad to be of assistance poledra - just make sure you print off the right thing, not just the reminder :)

Ass Believe he sounds lovely :)

Flubba - thank you for reminding me of the time DH packed his suitcase & went to bed early as he had a dawn flight the next day. I left the bedroom light off, so as not to wake him & tiptoed to the en suite as I always do, to trip over his ruddy luggage as it had been left right in line with bedroom & bathroom door. The howl as my patella hit the carpet rod & my shin hit the suitcase side - that woke him up!

tea bags - In DH's mind the rightful home is :

a) the sink
b) on the side next to the sink
c) in a previously clean cup next to the one used for tea
d) all 3

Certainly not the compost bin - thats just all wrong..........................