Dating thread 15! cock-cages, hopeful pensioners the occasional glorious success!

[Snapespeare]

apologies for title, I am bereft of ideas as the sodding times 'kindly' edited my profile for me.

Yay, fab plan!!!!!!

I'll wait to get the quote, I suppose I'll ask about a drink then (and totally humilitate myself when he awkwardly says no, because realistically - and however much I might not want it to be so - that's what will happen).

Although of course that will also be the end of him doing any of the work he's quoted for, which isn't ideal.

Thank you :)

sponge it would be awkward if he said no and then you had to see him again re the quote. I don't think I'd have the nerve to ask even if there was no quote.

Time let us know how it goes, if he does turn up.

I am excited! Something to look forward to, a visit from the council

Sponge if he says no, he says no, there's no need to feel humiliated. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, you are venturing, if you don't gain it's no big deal, at least you tried. Maybe, if he is going to be doing the work, you could build up a rapport with him, suss him out a bit?

Chaotic I think based on previous experience it wouldn't be awkward, only because it would be the end of all communication. With the guy I mentioned before (who I knew a lot better than door man, used to text and chat a lot) after his 'no' text he cut me dead, and I never heard from him again...

Time it is humiliating though, asking someone out who blatantly would never be interested in me, I expect he will feel embarrassed, most people would. I can get him to do some more work - I know he won't overcharge me - but it wouldn't give me any chance to see him, because I'd be at work when he was here. and if I am going to get him to do the work I cant ask him til hes finished.

Sponge it makes me very sad to read that's how you feel, that a man would 'never be blatantly interested' in you. You are lovely!! If he felt embarrassed because a gorgeous, intelligent woman asked him out then he wouldn't be worth dating anyway! The other guy was just a tosser, obviously. He had some kind of problem if he took offence and cut contact just because you asked him out. Upon reading the forums on POF I know a lot of man love a woman who shows initiative and does the asking. I'm past caring I am, if I ever meet a man that really takes my fancy I shall be asking him out!

Time thank you, thats really kind :) I'm feeling very glass is half empty today, the more I think about door man the more I think about the other one & how utterly disappointed I felt when he turned me down, and I know he's not door man (they are a bit alike, though the other one was ridiculously attractive) BUT I spent a lot more time with him than door man and even though I knew I wasn't on a par with him in terms of looks (and that all his ex-gfs looked like WAGs) I thought the fact we got on so well might make up for it...but it didn't.

Ahh, see, you are judging door man because of Tosser. Door man is proving to be a very nice man, he didn't have to offer to do your work for a discount, all in your favour, he could have taken advantage and loaded the price, which is what a tosser would have done, so, so far, he is proving to be a lovely man who obviously likes you And I really dislike all this talk of not being on a par with someone looks wise. It's not the wrapping that matters, it's what's inside. If you are on a par with a man personality wise then that makes you a great match. Imo, you, as in we, us, people, are not the best judge of whether we are on a par with someone looks wise, as usually we are very harsh on ourselves. Anyway, you have to stop thinking on behalf of door man and let him decide for himself if he likes you

I think the plan should be to book a couple of days off when he is working at your house, so you can be around a bit, make tea, bake cakes, hold his tool box, mop his brow and all that stuff

See, the tosser wasn't always like that (he just has crap taste in women and only goes for looks, so I should've known better). At the start I was helping him with some legal stuff - which he was really grateful for, I spent hours talking to him about it - and he also did some stuff at my house (see a theme developing?!) but did extra work like weeding my front garden just cos it needed doing, not expecting paying for it.

Hence why I am a bit cautious re door man, and although part of me thinks maybe he does like me, I also think well maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see...

Someone tell me what I'm doing wrong. I'm internet dating (well not actually even been on a bloody date). I've got guys emailing me, then sending me one line closed responses - I don't get it. What the actual fucking fuck. I'm so fed up with it. They say hello, they wink, I respond politely then nothing. What the earth am I doing wrong? Please someone tell me. I just can't fathom it!!!!

I get you Sponge and I can understand why you are apprehensive BUT, we cannot let one bad experience put us off. So, Tosser was rude and ignorant, it doesn't mean to say door man will be the same. He may well say no thank you, for reasons known only to him, what you must not do is assume those reasons are because of you. It's all in the way of thinking. You need to choose to believe that Tosser was gay had issues but those issues were not related to you. You do give yourself a very hard time, you know Just think of all the possible fun and excitement you are missing out on, just because you fear rejection. It's not the rejection that's debilitating, it's the fact we allow it to be. If we get knocked back, so what? It doesn't kill us, it pisses us off but we get over it, we get back up and we try again. Cos we is tough!!

Betty You are not doing anything wrong, well, you are, you are making yourself responsible for the actions of others. It's not anything you are doing wrong. If they don't respond it's for reasons of their own, don't make the mistake of assuming it because of you or anything you have done. You just haven't hit upon a match yet. Patience is a virtue, especially when it comes to internet dating!

Time you're totally right I know. But rejection kills me, it really does. I have this odd thing, that I have to be perfect at everything, that all the men I like should fancy me, and when they don't I feel like a failure. I am probably a bit mad

Can I ask a favour? Am going to try and send a pic of door man to you via a PM on FB...could you give me your honest opinion? If you think he's too good looking then say so:) (he is early/mid 30s though looks younger)

Thanks Time. Of course you're right. I'm just a bit fed up that it's not going my way. Patience it is then. :)

OOh I would love to have a peek at him Sponge We need to work on your self esteem, you know, I used to have to be perfect at everything too, and that comes from being in abusive relationships and trying to be the best so that I was loved. I'm no longer like that, I love not having to be perfect, it's so bloody liberating, it truly is.

That's the way betty, . It is frustrating, there is no doubt about it, but wouldn't you rather be frustrated than be dating tosser after tosser? I know I would!

Time I have sent it hopefully, see what you think! The being perfect thing predates the Evil Ex, though he probably didnt help it...

Betty it is utterly frustrating, but Time is right, far better to weed out the annoying twats early on than wasting a date or several on them. It does get disheartening though,hence why I have deleted all my profiles at present!

Sponge I got it! He is lovely, and he looks like a lovely person too, I can't imagine that a man who has eyes and a smile as kind as his would do or say anything hurtful. If anything I would say he looks as though he could be a bit shy. I would start by just chatting to him generally, about 'stuff', show an interest in him and his life. Woo him sponge

Trying to be perfect all the time though Sponge, trying to make sure that everything in your life is perfect, it puts you under a huge amount of pressure. Fear of failure is very debilitating, it stops you from doing so much. I get the feeling though that you could change things, you do take constructive criticism really well, and you do act on advice when it's given to you, you are a great sport you know, a lovely person. It's time you started believing that. You don't need to strive for perfection, for you are perfect just as you are

Also Sponge striving for perfection also puts the people in your life under pressure, because you will have high expectations, and will judge others by those expectations. Like your friends for example, when it was your birthday, you expected them to be as good at helping with your party as you were with theirs, but it didn't happen, and look who ended up most stressed

Time, fabulously wise words. Especially about placing high expectations on others. Sponge, I empathise. I'm off to lakes with my ds next week. Maybe I ll find me a strapping out doorsy type. I will keep you posted. Good luck sponge. I'll send you positive thoughts.

Thank you betty . have a lovely time in the Lakes with your DS, I'm a bit jealous, I love the lakes! Look forward to hearing your update when you get back!

lol at wooing him I can't speak to him properly, I am too busy grinning inanely or spouting gibberish! I have a tendency to talk a lot, and the more nervous/excited I am the worse it is. I actually said to him last night, sorry I'll stop talking now after not pausing for breath for about 10 minutes

you're dead right about the expectations thing. I set hugely high standards for myself and everyone else, and I end up frustrated in myself for not doing better, and in them for not doing what I would. Tis hard being me!

Time, I am going to tell myself he is just a man albeit a v good looking one and just the same as me :)

Betty, have a great hols, I hope there are lots of strapping outdoorsy men in the vicinity!

Excellent! Telling yourself that is a very good start! Don't put him on a pedestal until he has earned the right to be there, which in a 'normal' relationship will be never, because he won't ever be better than you.

Right, first plan of action is to find out if he is single or not. Because if he isn't you can stop lusting after him and move on the the next one

betty have a great holiday
sponge you are an amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman and any man should be flattered that you are giving them the time of day.

I didn't go to my toddler group, my friend was over, so we went to get something to eat and pay my rent instead. Which I enjoyed massively. It feels great to spend time with those closest.

Hi everyone, not been away long and the threads moved on pages, not had chance to catch up properly but hope everyones ok. Saying that just read the last page... Sponge, go for it, nothing to loose, ask him, if he says no it wasn't meant to be, move on to the next, chances are though he'll say yes!!

My update if anyone's interested, the one who I wanted a second date with hasn't been in touch again, no surprise there then :(

The one who I did have a second date (sort of, more a fwb type situation) with canceled so can't even get that!!!

Was considering to come off the sites altogether but suppose you've got to be in it to win it!!

Morning everyone

Actually don't let the vanishers get you down. It's good that you have found out at this early stage how fickle they are, saved you a load of heartache. But yes, hang on in there, it only takes one nice one to come along and you've cracked it!

MLM I'm pleased to hear you had a good day with your friend