Recently joined a dating site. Any advice appreciated.

[happyhappymummy]

I have joined a dating site. Plenty of fish.
Iv been on there a week and Oh please Im in shock. Or am I being too fussy? I dont know but Im not attracted to any of these guys. I promise you Im not shallow (or am I?)
Iv been told not to give up but Im not sure I can do it.
Anyone have some nice stories about this site?

Well as a woman you are in the driving seat. Be choosy and only select men who you fancy. Believe me, there are a lot of men out there so it makes sense to pick and choose. Dont go and select the first man that you come upon, make sure he looks good and healthy etc.

Have you tried approaching men yourself, I always did a search of basic attributes or what I didn't think I'd want, being shallow if you want just be true to yourself! Think of the dates as fun, all my best ones started in the afternoon then had scope to move on if you want. If you are just not interested don't worry about wasting your time just a breezy thanks but no thanks is allowed. Me and my partner often talk about the ransoms we met before eachother, it's actually great fun if you keep your expectations just at fun night out rather than potential boyfriend.

Thanks for your advice :)
I have mailed a few but the ones I like I dont get a response. Hmm I guess its hit and miss. I think this is gonna take longer than what I thought.

Check out my thread "I think I love him" on the relationships thread on here. I met my boyfriend on plenty of fish and I have never, ever been happier

Ok first I will do :)
Its nice to read happy stories.
I think its harder being a single mummy though.

Sorry but you know the old saying you only get what you pay for?, well this is a FREE site, you would really be better off going onto Match.com or one similar POF is a bit weird the types on there, sorry but you did ask , so go for it if you can afford it be careful be choosy and ask loads of questions before meeting them and take care it can work.

Come and join us on our dating thread :) (think we are now on thread 14...) Although I should say at the moment quite a few of us have given up online stuff because it's a load of shit most of the time! There are more perves, weirdos, ones with faces - and personalities- only a mother could love, married men pretending to be single, serial shaggers etc than you can shake a stick at.

It's easy to find a man online, however it's a lot more difficult to find one you might actually want :)

I think the experience on our thread mentioned in my last post is that paying sites often attract much the same standard of men, only slightly wealthier. I'd have a search - some of the sites let you search in your area before subscribing - to see if theres anyone you like the look of. No point in parting with money only to find out theres no men within 50 miles of you!

Thanks for tips.
Ok I will have a nose. Whats it called?

Current thread has a v long title but it starts 'No make up no bragging, no kissing, no shagging...' we're on about 900 odd posts

I personally think dating sites rarely produce anybody normal or decent.

They come by perhaps about twice a year if you can be bothered to stick it out that long!

Other than that I have found most of the men on there quite inarticulate limiting and socially unskilled! They do not seem to know how to chat us up or keep the line of conversation interesting or stimulating in the least .....!

Mmm.. I met my DH on a dating site. So it does work.

Is plenty of fish a free site? I used one that was free - I don't know if it is still around - and I didn't meet up with any of the men on there - they didn't seem to be as seroius about it . i used match.com also , which is how I met two short term bf - and then my (now) DH.

patience - and don't take it too seriously are my tips.

:)

Be aware that it is known for paedophiles to use dating sites as a way of gaining access to children (by dating their mothers). It's uncommon but it happens.

It's a tad unfair to class everyone on a dating site as weird. I've had a few very good friends meet men that way- some now in permanent relationships- and none of them- friends or men- was weird.

It's like life- you will find all sorts.

it's a completely different level of hell.

I've up to now done free dating sites and have very recently decided to 'treat' myself to a paid month, on the basis that I might get what I pay for.

Be prepared for:

Lots of subterfuge and dishonesty; years knocked off of age, inches knocked off of height, wifes and long-term girlfriends unmentioned.

Disregard of your perametres - I specify an age range that is largely ignored by up to 20+ years, therefore think there are a bunch of chancers who then might well contact you to criticise your choices.

Introduction by unsolicited disembodied photographs of genitalia.

You will need to develop a very thick skin and an intimate relationship with the 'block' button.

That said, the dating thread does have it's success stories, amongst the disappearers, clingy, angry and bitter (and thats just us ) I would suggest you cover all of your options by getting out into the world and joining local activities, not necessarily for singles, alongside internet dating and the occasional singles meet up.

Wow thanks guys! Thats a mixture of views :)
Ok not too serious and prepare myself for all of the above. Done!!
I may try paying for one for a trial.
How do 34 year old single mums meet decent guys. The good ones are taken surely.
All my friends are in relationships and dont want to venture too far.
Every one keeps saying it will happen when you least expect it.

Oh FGS- don't say that all good guys over 34 are taken! There are loads of men out there- single, divorced etc etc. You just have to find them.
I'd second the idea too that relying just on dating sites is a no-no. What about doing some volunteering, joining clubs that atract both sexes, groups such as "Nexus" which is a social club for singles but not a dating site - lots of options.

Are there? Hmm I cant find them.
I wont just rely on dating sites but do find it difficult any other way.
Hm thats a good idea. I have to find the time. I have been thinking about joining a running club. Not to meet guys ha! For me!
Never heard of nexus.

happyhappymummy -I'm the same age as you and in the same situation, all my friends are couples!

I've met 8 people on line on POF and in the early dates I wasn't anywhere near choosy enough, or too nervous to meet so chatted too long and then they disappeared

my top tips are...

1. Never ever go for a meal or the cinema for a first date -coffee in the afternoon/early evening works best because you can naturally extend the date if you both want to
2. Don't take too much notice of the list of hobbies, the personal statement is far more revealing -lots of them put mountain biking/bungee jumping etc but they may have done these things once when they were 21!
3. Search women's profiles in your area and your age bracket and then make your profile look different so you stand out
4. if you like the look of someone then message them -you never know
5. Physical attraction is important, don't get drawn into -oh well he seems like a nice guy, don't fancy him but it may grow! It may well do if you meet the guy socially/through work etc but yu will make a decision on the first date about chemistry
6. if they say they are 5ft 11-6ft they have probably added a couple of inches
7. if they say they are 6ft 4 plus -they have probably knocked off a few inches
8. Don't spend more than 2 weeks chatting without arranging to meet up -you will build up a picture in your mind about how the date is going to go, they may display sparkling wit through messages but in real life have zero personality

I've not met anyone special but I have made 1 very good friend, we talked for hours on the first date like we had known each other for years but unfortunately no physical spark

good luck

I also met my DP on match.com, we're expectin our 2nd baby :)

I never received pictures of genitalia, I feel somewhat cheated!

Agree that you get what you pay for. I found plentyoffish full of timewasters who aren't serious enough about it to actually pay for a service. I tried the guardian's Soulmates thing, liked it but it was very London-oriented. Hated e-harmony, they completely ignored my parameters and kept recommending people who lived hundreds of miles away, who I had nothing in common with. I met a few guys from Match.com who were generally very nice, but not for me - until this one :)

Hi happy

I am one of the POF lucky ones. I was on a couple of paying sites and met so few men in my area I went onto POF because it is busy. It is a bit like Tesco. There are plenty of "standard" or "value" boyfriends on offer but if you want a "Finest" you have to search a little harder.

I spotted a couple of nice men and messaged them but only one replied. He was dating so many women (!) he didn't have time to meet me for a drink for two months. Eventually we both got stood up on the same day and met for a consoling drink to swap horror stories. I think he had either put me in the "friend" category or thought I was too good for him.
Bam! Eight months later we are very happy and I cannot believe how easy it all is. I had only been out with "difficult" men before so he is a revelation. Kind, funny , considerate, helpful...

So don't be too despondent. It can work out

Thankyou workshy :)
They are very helpful tips. I will keep those in mind.
I thought I was being too choosy as sometimes people look better in person. I feel you have to be attracted to them but I dont feel like I am to anyone that has mailed me. I have mailed maybe a handful but some say hey and then do not reply again.
I know its a time thing. Also nice to meet some friends along the way :)

Thanks donkey and congrats :)
Ok thanks I am thinking of maybe giving that one a try for a trial.
Wow little thats got to be fate hey? Glad pof worked for you.
Im thinking I have to try not to take it too serious and hope for the best right?
Aw there is hope see?

Another vote for match.com. Met my hubby on it. I only signed up for a month and he was on it for 3 months. Met a few other men through it a couple were genuine, others seemed to be using it for sex.

Anyway, we've been married 4 years next month and had been together 5 years and have 1 year old son.

They do work, but I honestly think, as others have said already, that if you're serious, you pay!

Hi. I tried OKCupid. It's another free site. Very mixed bag but met a couple of nice guys. Agree with previous poster that meeting for coffee first is a good idea. I prefer to meet quite early on rather than spending ages chatting online. My experience has been pretty good really. Met couple of guys who I had a good laugh and enjoyable coffee/walk/chat with. One coffee date has progressed to a more regular/involved relationship which I'm enjoying. I think it helps to be a bit open-minded and have a sense of humour when it comes to some of the messages you get. I've had a right laugh with some online that I'd not dream of meeting F2F. I'd say don't go for a overly sexy profile (you get the crude messages anyway..!) and put something a little quirky that they can start a conversation from and makes you stand out (whether that is a hobby or a way of expressing yourself); I wouldn't meet anyone who won't put up a photo cos i think they're often married. If you think of it as a way to have a laugh and meet some interesting new people then you're expectations are not too high. Good luck.