43, new man, your contraception recommendations please!!

[Challen]

I am 43 with two children under 5 and have met someone new.

My previous relationship were both long term, 7 and 8 years respectively. No contraception in the first one (no idea how I never fell pregnant in all that time although I did have very irregular periods as I was underweight) and only on the pill (Femodene) for the first few months in last relationship, yet it took years before I accidentally fell pregnant.

I have been Googling and come to the sad conclusion it's trial and error with contraception judging by the mix of horror/happy stories, which is sensible given hormones are going to affect us individually.

However, I'm vaguely aware only some are suitable for my age.
I have no other health issues, never smoked, rarely drink, normal blood pressure and am now of average weight, although my periods are still irregular.
I don't know if I want more children at this stage.

My new partner seems to have a history of anxiety-related ED (another thread I mean to post soon) so whilst we did use a condom the first time, it was ineffective because of this.

I'm hoping that anyone in identical or very similar circumstances (age, etc) can advise which form of contraception they were happiest with really, as I read somewhere doctors vaguely review your compatability with different brands of pill for instance, but ultimately prescribe whatever has been 'commissioned' to them that particular time, ie that health companies pay a premium in order to have their product placed. I know it sounds daft, but it's something I'm also taking into account!

Copper coil. Periods a bit heavier but almost back to normal after 6 months. No hormones, therefore proper sex drive .

Condoms, until you've both been tested for STIs. Rates of STIs in "older" (as it were!) people are rising rapidly. Be safe!

You can get tested for free & confidentially at a GUM clinic - your GP doesn't need to be informed.

condoms condoms and more condoms

Read the thread- he can't use condoms, they give him an eating disorder.

If its a brand new man, its best to stick to condoms initially untill you get a gist of him. You never know his sexual history and so its best to be cautious and not contract some form of STD etc.

laughing my head off at eating disorder due to condoms

Intra-Uterine Device isn't something I have had before and worries me more than taking the mini-pill.
Which aspects worry you? I had one (copper) when I was 23 pre-child for years and have had one after a child too.

I got pg with the mirena. Great for stopping periods, not so good for finding out you are 18 weeks pg.

Another vote for condoms here

We had this conversation at work the other day - someone is using a rubber ring which you insert for 21 days and take it out for 7.

have a look here

Um, contraception is one thing, but have you started the thread re the ED?

I have the implant which is good but I have spots weight gain and weird periods.
The mirena has less hormones and tbh if you put it in and go menopausal you will never have to think about contraception again.

What is ED?

Im afraid for me its condoms or no sex as I flatly refuse to ever take any more hormones for any bolloxy reason

Men do come up with any sort of excuse just to blag some uncondomed sex, dont they ?

landrover ED is erectile dysfunction.

I'm supposed to have the mirena coil fitted this week as the implant has been a nightmare for me, it wreaks havoc with my cycle and may have just put paid to getting the coil this week

No condom no sex. It's not only teenagers who have stds you know. You have 2 young dcs and you are actually risking them being AIDS orphans!!

Well persona is supposedly very reliable if you are 100% careful, but I have a daughter to prove just how difficult it is to be 100% careful!

If you are really sure you have shut the shop at 43 with 2 kids, maybe think about sterilisation down the road and condoms in the meantime?

sorry just re-read OP. Your options seem limited, so go see an expert!
Persona might be for you, though if you have regular periods and limited fertility, I always got pregnant at the drop of trouser belt

diaphragm? Not that many trained now in fitting them but if you are the right shape for it then no need for hormones and gives protection to the cervix.

Also, don't forget, even if relationship is monogomous on both sides, you are still at risk of HPV if you have unprotected sex when using a coil, HPV is not something that can be tested for in a man during standard STI testing.

strictly you can still have a coil fitted if you're bleeding - it can actually make the fitting easier as the cervical os is slightly open.

Please do the GUM clinic before you go condom less. You are the one taking the contraceptive responsibility, are considering putting hormones into your body and you have only known him briefly. Full range of tests for everything. He should jump at the chance to do this for you (and you of course return the favour).

Femdom, protects you from pregnancy and stds if he won't wear a male condom. There's also not having penetrative sex, there lots of other ways to enjoy sex without putting yourself at risk.

I know you have a separate STD, condom and ED issue but once that is sorted, could you use the withdrawal method? No need for any hormones to be ingested and yes slightly frustrating at times but not really given that satisfying orgasms for both partners are still possible. H and I have three dcs, I too am now 43 and while it is true that we don't have sex often enough to warrant an unwanted pregnancy, I do think that the withdrawal method works - at least it has for us. Might get criticised and yes I know that there can apparently be sperm lurking in fluids, but it was so hard for us to get pregnant with out first child without withdrawing (tmi) that it now seems utterly impossible that I may become pregnant by accident while withdrawing. Am embarrassing myself now.

LeBOF Sterilisation is something I have thought about, yes. Our family history is a pretty fertile one (my mother has 16 siblings) although due to my weight issues in my 20s and 30s my periods were always highly irregular.

I do know this new man's sexual history and have known him three years as a friend. I already had a clear test passed for STIs a couple of years ago since leaving my partner, but I will be having them done again on Friday to be sure, although I've not had a sexual partner since him in 3 years.

I'm very reluctant to use anything hormonal and right now the Diaphragm is looking interesting, but need to research spermicides more.
I realise it has a lower success rate, but with my age and fertility history...well this new man already has one abortion behind him (his ex's choice) and I am strictly anti-abortion, so I must consider whether I would be happy to go it alone as a single parent again if such accident occurred as I have no idea if the new man would be supportive. I strongly suspect he has a preference to remain childless.
I wonder if I should be discussing this with him actually? But when you first start a sexual relationship with someone new, do you really sit down and ask for their honest views on things like 'What If' 'Abortion' and 'Which contraception do YOU think I should take?' Gawd this all scary stuff, isn't it?

I have until Friday to make a decision which contraception to go for. So lots more research to be done. Not like in your 20s is it when the combined pill was really the be all and end all.

Ah well, all useful views, keep em' coming!