I've been married for nearly 9 years.
We have two children, 6 and 3 1/2.
We live overseas in an expat unfriendly country.
It's always been hard, very hard.
I've stuck it through.
I don't want my babies to loose their daddy, I want my marriage to work but I have no idea what to do next :(
We have a lot of pressures right now. Well we always have.
When we first got married he was overseas studying, I was in uk...we had fun, he made me laugh. He was kind and he made me feel valued.
Then he got a job in London, I was still in Manchester, we made it work by me driving to London most weekends, he was too tired to come up north...I got sick of it, I wanted a real relationship, was about to call it off but found out I was pregnant...
He relocated to manc, bought a small house, baby came, it was hard but we were happy (mostly).
We were struggling financially, he wanted to relocate to Saudi, I didn't, but we did. Said we'd try it for 6 months. Meant living with his fam, it was meant to be tempory but it wasn't and it was hell.
3 months overseas and I fell pregnant again, it was hard...made finances tougher...I couldn't work...ended up staying with his fam for nearly 3 years, was hell, but then I got a job and got us out. Noone speaks now, it was that bad.
Now I work, he works, the house is linked to my job, if I leave my job we loose the house. My job is hell, added responsibilities, no extra pay, no recognition from management. I want to leave, I have done for over a year, but I feel stuck.
He wants me to leave but won't help find a solution, instead he just screams at me to quit and says he doesn't want to discuss my job because it stresses him out too much. I need a friend.
Saudi is lonely, I can't drive so lots falls on him, he works long hours, he is tired. However he has friends he has relative freedom, I have no outlet. A miserable job, few friends, no freedom, I feel trapped.
I have never said no to him, I have always wanted to support him in fulfilling his dreams for fear that he will resent me....but it feels that in doing that he has taken more and more and I have been lost...now I hate to say it but I resent him.
In an effort to change our situation he set up a business in the uk in jan, the plan was for me to stay in Saudi alone for 2 years...yes I know, but I wanted to support the dream and if that was what it took...anyway it collapsed, he's back working here.
He's stressed he's tired, but so am I. He is never home and when he is he is screaming at me and the kids or asleep.
He does try, he loves the kids, but his anger, it's disproportionate and do hard to listen to, it's tiring and scary, and I just want peace.
I don't feel like he's my friend anymore, I feel bullied...it seems like the only time he is kind is when he wants sex, and that's direct and to the point and I feel groped...sex for me is emotional. I can't be screamed at, unsupported, watch my kids be screamed at, then put out. Then he gets mad and sulky that there's no sex and it all gets worse.
I have no idea what to do next, should I quit my job? Can I trust him to follow through on the promises of finding a house, should I just cut my losses and head home?
I have no family in the uk, my mum died when I was young and it's a mess. I feel so alone. I feel like I have given him everything and now I am the enemy.
He blames everyone and everything for our situation, I just want to make the most of what it is...
My kids see the arguements, he said to my son the other day that he was going to divorce mummy. It's not right.
I have no idea what to do anymore...should I just shut my mouth and take it? I did for years but that turned me into a doormat but when I fight back and say what I think it just gets worse.
I know he loves the kids, I know he is frustrated, I know he tries, but the anger...it's exhausting...he's lovely to his friends, always there for them...just wish he would be there for us too.
I don't want my marriage to be over but I think it might be, I have no idea what to do next...