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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

999 replies

Mouseface · 11/05/2012 11:54

Which is FANTASTIC! Smile

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice Wink), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely! Grin

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon Smile xx

OP posts:
dementedma · 27/05/2012 19:26

I AM very lucky to have all this on the doorstep - a Loch and a castle 5 miles away, an RSPB reserve same and today an hour to the fabulous West Sands in St Andrews (we have beaches which are nearer too!). Add to that the nearby forest walks and I am truly blessed in that department.
Two things re beach etiquette though:
to the family who left behind a used disposable BBQ, plastic bags, food wrappers and a USED disposable nappy - you are filthy scumbags! please stay indoors and spare the rest of us your filth! Angry
also - West Sands is HUGE. Really BIG. MILES and MILES of beautiful beach - so why do you feel the need to park within 3 feet of us? With your shouty kids?
Note to parents of young children - if you see a family on the beach witrh older children and teens, they have DONE the baby and toddler and child stage! they are through it! They do not want yours anywhere near them! Grin
They want to relax, minus tantrums, castle-building, shell collecting, fighting, squabbling and getting changed under towels. Been there, done it. GO AWAY!
(although the little fella trotting up the beach stark naked unaware granny was taking the best video ever of his little bottom was quite cute!)

Trexy · 27/05/2012 21:57

Hi all. I'm a newcomer and I'd love to join your group.

My story is as follows. I'm a problem drinker, and have had a drinking problem probably for about the past 10 years or so - which gradually built up. Wine is my tipple, I can happily leave anything else. But the lure of wine after a hard day at work or an easy day at work, or any day for that matter, was tempting, and I indulged it.

It was "fun" at first but it got to the point where it wasn't so fun anymore. I was "lucky" in that it didn't cause me to row with my husband or shout at my children or have accidents, but it did make everything feel physically difficult (dealing with young children in the morning just sweltering and feeling fuzzy headed) and it costs a lot of money, and I found it distracting and quite difficult biding my time each day until it was "acceptable" to have a drink. In our household that is 4pm. "Wine o'clock". That said, with children at school and husband at work it was becoming increasingly regular that I'd start drinking earlier, if there was nobody to witness it - at my worst I had one at about 10:35 in the morning having been abstinent the day before, such was my desire to break the drought!

I don't tend to drink to get slaughtered, I drink to maintain a warm fuzzy relaxed state - but if you start early, that can still be a couple of bottles in a day maintaining that state. And I would often get a bit more drunk towards the end of the night, perhaps drinking the final glass fairly quickly so I could knock myself out for a decent night's sleep (! of a sort anyway!, you know how it is)

I tried to stop, with varying success. I did manage a period of abstinence of about a month in January as I was having surgery for something and had to abstain for a proper health reason unrelated to alcohol. I abstained during pregnancy (not completely, but stayed within the guidelines). However, I got to a point recently where I wanted to stop mainly for weight loss reasons as well as the fact that I knew it just wasn't right - but couldn't. Each day I'd wake up and say "today I start" and by 4pm or so I'd be cracking open a bottle. And then another. Sometimes I'd finish both.

Anyway, nothing too unusual there in terms of habits, its how it goes from bad to worse. But I did a little research myself, because I'm fairly fascinated by alcohol in general and the effect on the body, and I decided that my GP could probably help me. I heard about a drug called en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naltrexone . I went to the doctor last Tuesday morning, having drunk 2 and a half bottles of wine (over quite a long time) the day before. The NHS offer Naltrexone as a treatment option for alcohol misuse

She was very supportive, asked me how much I'd been drinking, and said the reason I was probably having trouble stopping was withdrawal symptoms taking over and causing cravings. I have never had the shakes or DT's or anything, so this surprised me, but she said she wanted me to detox safely so gave me a course of www.netdoctor.co.uk/depression/medicines/librium.html which helped me ENORMOUSLY - I didn't crave alcohol, I felt relaxed and positive and able to abstain all of last week, and on Friday I went to update her and she has provided me with a prescription for the Naltrexone. A number of studies have confirmed its efficacy in reducing frequency and severity of relapse to drinking. Naltrexone has two effects on alcohol consumption, the first is to reduce craving while naltrexone is being taken. The second, referred to as the Sinclair Method, occurs when naltrexone is taken in conjunction with normal drinking, and this reduces craving over time. The first effect persists only while the naltrexone is being taken, but the second persists as long as the alcoholic does not drink without first taking naltrexone.

So I started on the Naltrexone yesterday, so far so good and I have no desire to drink despite the lovely weather etc, I don't "fancy it", I guess.

I will be experimenting next weekend and will try a glass of wine at a party I'm going to - I have no idea how it will go, but the idea is that you don't really get the same jollies from it! That euphoric relaxed glow that it gives you doesn't happen - sure if you keep drinking you'll get "drunk" - who knows how this will effect my drinking habits, but I know what I want it to achieve - for me to be able to abstain from drinking at home or "just because" because its not really worth it due to not getting the normal addictive affect, but if I do decide to have a drink in a social situation, I sip it, finish it, its fine but not mind blowingly moreish, and that's that.

Does that sound too good to be true? Probably! Who knows! I really don't know how this will all go, and I will be very interested to see physically/medically/chemically how this all works. But all that aside - I also would like to hang out with some people who are also trying to reduce or cut out drinking, and I am under no illusions that the psychological aspects, say, the "emotional benefits" people had from drinking don't need to be explored and understood as part of the recovery.

If during this journey I discover that I am better off abstaining completely, so be it. I might even try AA at some point. But in the meantime, I'd love to join you all Thanks

aliasjoey · 27/05/2012 22:08

Welcome trexy I have no useful advice, but someone more wise than me will be along in a minute I expect.

mia I'm glad your birthday turned out well (although getting up at 5.30am is my idea of HELL, but whatever floats your boat Smile)

soma did you get your dog yet?

faire such good advice always! always glad to read your posts.

greyhound glad to see you back and hope you keep checking in

sorry I can't mention everyone, every time I come on here there are 2 or 3 pages to catch up on!

Carrie370 · 27/05/2012 22:18

Welcome,Trexy, your story mirrors so many of the lives of the people on this thread, and you sound as if you really mean to tackle the drinking - you will find loads of non-judgemental support on here, as well as like-minded people in your situation (or variations of it).

I've been here a month now, and off the sauce for the whole of that time - the inspiration came entirely from the thread. Stick with us!

Trexy · 27/05/2012 22:22

Thank you for the welcomes! Grin

aliasjoey · 27/05/2012 22:34

so... (sorry if its long, it helps to clear my head if I write it all down & sometimes it even makes sense Grin )

Two weeks in a row without a drink - and I managed a whole weekend as well. Feeling less obsessed. Until this evening. Hot hot day

Dog - neurotic and badly-behaved
DCs - variously grumpy, rude or sulking
DH - hot and irritable
In-laws - demanding, critical and generally PITA

I really craved a glass of wine! Did some pilates and walked the dog instead.

So I'm thinking its obviously the stress that triggers the craving and usually about 6-7pm. But I don't drink till after the DCs are in bed, about 9pm. I sit there anticipating that drink. (for 2 hours!)

Which I couldn't do tonight so had to find alternative ways to relax.

Now I'm wondering, if and when I decide to go back to drinking and have a similar situation, instead of just relying on the drink, I could continue to use these techniques to relax ie. instead of thinking 'god I can't wait till I can have that Pinot Grigio' it will be 'why don't I relax now and then I can enjoy the wine properly, instead of relying on it as some kind of drug'

Or something. Confused

If anyone is still reading - thank you. I'm really glad I'm doing this because I've learnt lots about my own triggers and stresses.

joey

dementedma · 27/05/2012 22:39

trexy welcome. you will find nothing but support here
sorry not to name check everyone - have lost track a bit recently.
mouse/faire/indie/silver/thurso/venus/jesus and so many others...how are you all doing?

Hopefullyrecovering · 27/05/2012 22:39

Welcome Trexy!

We're all in the same boat here - with a problematic relationship with alcohol. Some are total abstainers. others are trying to control their drinking. There's a lot of different approaches. Willpower, AA, chemical control etc. I'm a relative newbie.

I'm a month into not drinking. Like you I did a detox with Librium, but then I moved on to Antabuse, because I knew I simply shouldn't drink any more. I sleep naturally and fully now, which is just brilliant.

Good luck with your journey.

NonAstemia · 27/05/2012 23:01

Hello gorgeous Babes! Smile

Lovely Soma you are ten years too kind - I am now 39. Thank you muchly for the compliment though! Grin How incredibly exciting about your JRT!! I hope that Albert can get on with your cat. You'll have to bring him down to meet Bella so that she can pull her appalling 'I'm a princess' act if he's going to be part of your family.

Thank you for the kind birthday wishes Soma, Hopefully, saf, Mouse (I hope you're recovered from the sunstroke you silly pickle!), Honest, Joey (I don't usually get up for any reason at all at 5.30am - that malarkey is usually left to much more dedicated nature photographers than I), Greyhound (get that camera out, it's the act of photographing that is so great, imo, and my camera is just a 'point and shoot'), Chasing (Ooh another person I can enthuse about ponds to!) Grin

Ma I am Envy of your lovely DS with his affinity for history. This is the kind of thirst for learning and knowledge I long to see in DD! Grin

saf where you are now sounds beautiful. Always good to have a get-out plan, but making the most of where you are and enjoying the beauty of nature around you is absolutely the best, ime.

Grin that I sparked a wee conversation about cigars. Grin I do love a cigar every now and then; either a delicate little cafe creme like wot my granny used to smoke, or a big fat cuban jobby. Wink Not often though, and it's usually linked to a self destruct fuckit impulse in me.

Had a lovely weekend. Every spare second spent tinkering with the pictures (I took the laptop Blush) resizing them etc for the blog. Hope to have it up tomorrow.

Night night Brave Babes (and welcome Trexy).
xx

swallowedAfly · 28/05/2012 08:30

morning babes.

unintentionally went on a very long walk yesterday - knew it would take me a good hour but hadn't reckoned on going so far off course and it taking about two. i was wearing flip flops - my feet are shredded bless them and i'm on hobble mode. also got a lot more sun than intended.

when i got to where i was going they were all sitting in the boiling sun drinking wine. very good wine as is usual at this guys house. no envy though. i had a lovely cold glass of coke over ice and then a herbal fizz of some kind and i just thought how bleurgh to be drinking warm wine in the sunshine. this morning i have a foggy head and feel really sluggish from too much sun i guess - can only imagine how i would feel if i'd been guzzling alcohol with them.

supposed to have an appointment in town this morning but so not fancying hobbling on my poor feet. it's only a follow up appointment with psychiatrist to see how i'm going on new meds and check in really. will see how my first hobble attempt goes taking ds to school. may cancel.

some awkward family stuff that i may share on here later related to that holiday business that i think i shared on here. not letting it eat my peace though - have been doing a lot of chanting the last couple of days and have found it really beneficial.

todayiwillnotdrink · 28/05/2012 09:57

The name says it all really.

I have hopped on the bus before and left rapidly :(

This time I am going to stay if I may. I have had 2 or 3 alcohol free evening in about 4 years now. I had a major crisis then and turned to alcohol and have not turned away again. Life is still shit but the alcohol can only be making things worse. Consumption has crept up, probably a bottle and a half of wine most nights, sometimes more rarely less. Lfts not good, weight terrible and BP no longer controlled on the medication I am prescribed.

I have to do this. I have a job interview on Thursday and it is really really vital I get it. I have to have a clear head.

I am not sure what I want or expect (although the warmth and friendship on this thread is very attractive) just wanted to put it in writing that I will not have any wine tonight. Maybe one day I will be content without wine and be able to help others see life is OK without it?

jesuswhatnext · 28/05/2012 10:40

boing!!!

oh im enjoying today! Grin the sun is out, no work, and my deckchair is calling! Grin

welcome trexy, you sound pretty focused, so, i have to ask, why bother with the 'experiment' of drinking a glass of wine at the party? what are you hoping to prove?. personally i think you are setting yourself up for a whole load of stress, you only have to look back at your past drinking to see one glass wont cut it, and anyway, with the naltrexone it wont 'work' anyway, so whats the point? - why not go to the party, enjoy a lovely cold sharp juice, chat with friends, eat nice food and then wander home in dusk sober, tired and happy? no stress, no angst, no worries! Smile

SillyStrokeSensibleMum · 28/05/2012 10:51

Welcome Trexy and Today Smile. Sounds like you have a great incentive there, Today. Have you planned how you're going to resist any cravings? Got some nice drinks/treats in? Come and see us if you struggle at all Smile

Joey, yes yes yes to your post about stress and trying to relax before it all builds up to the point where you feel you must have the wine. I find that being proactive and preventing the triggers in the first place, or trying to keep myself calm and chilled whilst all hell breaks out around me during the tea-time/bedtime routine, really, really reduces the cravings happening at all. Saf, your chanting sounds interesting. Must look into that.

Glad you had a good weekend Mia Smile. And Soma, you are doing so well. Brilliant!

Hope everyone else is OK. We had a hectic few days away (emigration-related). Lots of rushing about and a few stressful situations but another thing ticked off. Feel as though I could sleep for about a week now! Guests have now gone and I should hopefully be able to get back to a bit of normality soon. I drank at the weekend (planned, after a few weeks of abstinence, so no shame or regret I'm pleased to say!) and although I didn't drink too much it affected my sleep terribly. Am looking forward to getting back to that delicious, deep sober sleep as soon as possible! And I was relieved to find that drinking just wasn't 'all that'. I don't anticipate any cravings for quite a while! I hope...BlushGrin

Well I'd better get back to the joy that is unpacking suitcases. Have good days y'all

Trexy · 28/05/2012 11:13

Hello Jesus! I've been doing a lot of reading back over past threads about drinking and you have been an enormous inspiration to me and no doubt many others

"welcome trexy, you sound pretty focused, so, i have to ask, why bother with the 'experiment' of drinking a glass of wine at the party? what are you hoping to prove?. personally i think you are setting yourself up for a whole load of stress, you only have to look back at your past drinking to see one glass wont cut it, and anyway, with the naltrexone it wont 'work' anyway, so whats the point? - why not go to the party, enjoy a lovely cold sharp juice, chat with friends, eat nice food and then wander home in dusk sober, tired and happy? no stress, no angst, no worries!"

Well, at this point, and I'm happy to be proved wrong, I believe there is more than one "treatment" or "solution" to problem drinking - mainly because of what I've read from the NHS info and evidence and what my doctor has spoken to me about, plus the NHS counselling group I referred myself to.

I think of there being 2 sort of "umbrellas" - one for the "AA" type approach where you decide that one drink is never enough, that its the first drink that gets you drunk, because many more must follow, that abstinence is the way forward, and that you take it one day at a time, with the goal being "today I will not drink".

Under the other umbrella is people who may wish to cut down, with varying degrees of success, people who would like to learn to drink less, or stick to the government recommendations, but who have had trouble doing so, so they have sought help from counselling, medication, etc etc.

At this point I am under the umbrella with the cut down people because at this stage I haven't decided whether I "need" to cut it out for good and forever, or whether this reasonably newish treatment the NHS offer can actually help me be the kind of drinker I want to be - someone who has a glass, perhaps 2, on social occasions and then stops.

I'm not saying it will do this - but I am very interested to see if it will. If I find it doesn't, fine, but I do need to know and am curious if nothing else what it feels like to have a glass of wine whilst on Naltrexone. Its not an "excuse" to have a glass of wine, as such; I don't need an excuse, because I haven't proclaimed that I wish to be abstinent, and secondly, I am already on Naltrexone so if I wanted to do the experiment I could do it today, but I wont because I have no desire for a drink, and because I wish to only drink socially and within government guidelines, so I best "save" it for a social occasion.

Why have a drink if you don't fancy a drink? Well, I may not - if next Saturday comes and I really hate the idea of it, I wont have one! But I have a birthday party Saturday and a street party Sunday, so if I'm going to test out the treatment, I'll do it on one of those days. If it does nothing for me and I am regretting my decision to try a drink, it can go in the nearest potplant....

Trexy · 28/05/2012 11:20

Hello Hopefully! How are you finding the Antabuse? Can you wear perfume and stuff?

Trexy · 28/05/2012 11:22

Welcome TodayIwillnotdrink - your drinking habits sounds similar to mine, i.e bottle and a half of wine sometimes more.

Would you consider going to your doctor to get a course of Librium to help you through your detox? You are on enough units and have been for long enough that it would technically be safer and you are much more likely to succeed if you have that help as it really does help with the withdrawal - is that an option for you?

chasingtail · 28/05/2012 11:26

Morning to All & welcome to the Newbies.

Not much time to post but just wanted to comment on what You said SAF. You talked about going to your friends in the glorious sun and not being envious about the wine drinking. Do you realise how awesome (sorry to use an Americanism!) that is?

I have been sober for 2 months but yesterday had a major wobble, sitting in the sun watching DH quaff chilled white. Luckily my cravings are pretty minimal at the moment but man, did I fancy a drink then & yes, I was envious Envy.

So fair play to you SAF to be able to enjoy the gathering without even giving booze a 2nd thought. Hope I can get to that stage soon Smile

HonestTruth · 28/05/2012 11:30

Good morning Babes Smile

Just popping in quickly to say hi to everyone and welcome to the new posters. Good sober weekend for me, lots of gardening.

Back for a proper catch up later

xx

skippy84 · 28/05/2012 12:44

Help me, I feel awful I had to go home from work. I need to stop and I need help

chasingtail · 28/05/2012 12:48

Skippy, do you want to tell us what happened? Xx

obrigada · 28/05/2012 12:50

Hi Skippy, we are here to listen and help in any way we can, do you want to tell us what happened?

aliasjoey · 28/05/2012 12:52

trexy thanks for posting that link it sounds really interesting! Actually it sounds ideal . I'm not going to straight to the GPs to demand it though, as I already take enough prescription drugs.

Also at the moment I seem to be doing okay, and the cravings are getting less every day (its only been 2 weeks though Grin ) The part about how the first glass of alcohol triggers the craving for more totally makes sense! That would be a wonder drug - to just be able to have ONE glass and not want more... Does it reset your brain permanently ?

Like I said, not going down that road right now, but I find it reassuring to know there are alternatives.

Where's Soma I want to know if she got her JRT yet!

Isindebetterplace · 28/05/2012 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedma · 28/05/2012 12:55

skippy are you ok?