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Original poster

Now I have a solicitor!

44 replies

keepingupwiththejoneses · 10/05/2012 17:47

H is being really awkward about separating. He wanted to go, then he was waiting till he had enough money and now he has, he has decided he won't leave until we have something legally drawn up over the house. He has already told me there will be no maintenance as he has to pay rent and bills, he has hardly ever contributed to the household, but he want 50% of the equity when I sell it Hmm no chance as he has agreed I will stay here for at least another 5 years. I have said he can have 50% of the equity based on a valuation done now in line with the housing market when the house sells IYKWIM.
I have made an appointment with a solicitor as I can't see us coming up with a solution. It is driving me mad, 6 weeks ago we agreed on a time scale of 4 weeks, he is just making excuses, he hasn't even looked at moving out.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 10/05/2012 17:48

do you think he will go?

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 10/05/2012 17:56

I have no idea to be honest, I DID think he would bit now I am starting to wonder. This is why I have gotten in touch with a solicitor now rather than after he is gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 12:53

Now I think he has no intention of leaving. Things are just getting worse by the day. Someone has put the thought in his head that I might lose the house so he is adamant he is now refusing to leave.

OP posts:
arthriticfingers · 13/05/2012 13:27

FFS, get the best lawyer your finances will stretch to ASAP.
ps not legally clued up myself (cut losses as kids were grown), but there are lots of wise women with shit hot legal advice around on mumsnet.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 13/05/2012 15:29

No i didn't think he had any intention of leaving either. Could you move out instead? With regard to a financial settlement, you either agree together (with or without mediation) a settlement, or a judge decides, your ex doesn't get to be the sole decision maker on that front.

And he will pay child maintenance too, either voluntarily or through the CSA

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 18:26

notsuch That is the problem, he is self employed and his books only show £3500 earnings for last year, I know different as most of the jobs he did where cash. I can't move out.
arthritic I have a solicitor that is the only one close registered with resolution so hopefully very good and I will get legal aid.
On the bright side, my mum has offered that if needed she will put up £10k or so to pay him off. I have said no for now, as that is what he wants me to do, he has even said 'go and ask your mum for the money to pay me'. As I said to my mum I have years of proof that I pay all the bills and food and that most of the furniture in our house was bought by members of my family, the only thing he has contributed to is a bed and a tv cabinet!

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 13/05/2012 18:38

Yep you definitely need that solicitor.

Don't make any offers of money or house sale. Considering he's likely to never say toward you children you will need every penny you can get!

Can you get proof of his cash in hand earnings? That might help with the csa.

(tax office would be very interested too!)

PooPooInMyToes · 13/05/2012 18:38

PAY towards your children!

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 19:41

I know the tax would be interested but no I can't he is very careful that way, no invoices or receipts. I have no intention of making any offers over the house unless absolutely necessary. He has no idea about how to live alone, he has never paid a bill or arranged his own car insurance or anything, I do it all.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 13/05/2012 19:47

£10k to pay him off sounds reasonable tbh. I assume he'll reliquish all rights to the matrimonial home for that? What reason is he giving for not paying child maintenance????? He's got a moral obligation to support his kids, is he just gonna sit back and not pay then????

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 20:07

His reasoning is that he can't afford it, even though with such a low income he will be able to claim housing benefit and council tax benefit. I am not offering it for several reasons 1, he has a distorted idea of how much our house is worth, he thinks 150k realistically more like 115k, therefore he wants at lease 20k . 2, he wants my mum to pay it. I can see him just not paying, as far as he is concerned because the boys get some DLA as they both have sn I will get plenty of money to support them. He has never bought so much as a pair of shoes for either of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 20:07

Plus I want it done legally not a private arrangement.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 13/05/2012 20:48

Yeah legally is the way to go.

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 21:03

it might sound silly but the thing that is annoying me at the moment is that his car insurance is due on friday and I have to make sure I have enough money in the bank to pay it Sad

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 13/05/2012 22:38

Why do you have to pay it? Its his car and you are no longer together. Is it a direct debit? Cancel it?

PooPooInMyToes · 13/05/2012 22:42

If you feel that you need a reason for not paying it, you could just say as he's not going to be paying maintenance you can't afford it.

Actually the more i think about it the more i really don't think you should pay it! Why the hell should you pay for his car!

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 13/05/2012 23:22

After tonight I am going to go to the bank and cancel that and his mobile phone. Like you say, why should I pay it, I pay everything.
He has been his usual bastard self tonight, telling me how it is all my fault we are separating, how I am at fault, why should he lose out when it is down to me. DS was crying his eyes out upstairs and he just looked at me and said 'now look what you have done, I only wanted to talk!'

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 14/05/2012 08:21

Jesus what an arsehole. I'm glad you're cancelling the the direct debits. I hope you're not doing anything around the house for his comfort (cooking, washing, buying razors, etc)

Your poor DS. Give him a big hug and stay strong - think of your future happy house x

PooPooInMyToes · 14/05/2012 09:09

God he sounds like an arsehole!

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 14/05/2012 15:55

I am doing nothing for him, only for me and the boys. He is an arsehole! Poor ds couldn't make it to school today, phoned school who said he had been upset on friday too and to leave him be for today. He came home and ripped into ds for not going to school and how dare he be upset, that he doesn't need any rubbish from him with everything he is going though!

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 14/05/2012 19:48

This whole thing is driving me mad. I have always walked on eggshells around him but this is just crazy. I know I am doing it for the benefit of ds's but the tension is massive. Roll on Friday, please.

OP posts:
Cashncarry · 14/05/2012 23:15

Hello I am just Shock at what he said to your DS. Thank God you're seeing a solicitor. If it were me, I'd be tempted to instigate divorce proceedings straight away - it might galvanise him into doing something positive like moving out or at least realising that you're not going to carry on supporting him....

I know he's self-employed and good at hiding his income but maybe put in a claim to the CSA anyway so that's another thing you can tick off your list. I'm sure your solicitor will include all this in his/her first letter to him - bet you hope you'll be around to see his face when he reads it Grin

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 14/05/2012 23:26

That is exactly what I going to do Cash, he is just making everything worse for everyone and couldn't care less. I feel so sorry for ds2 and have said so, he just gave me a hug and said he knows I am Sad poor thing shouldn't have to think like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 14/05/2012 23:32

I was kind off happy that ds3 has such severe LD that his didn't understand, but I have realised he is sensing something as he keeps coming aver and sitting on my knee and giving me lots of hugs and kisses. Yesterday I went to do a food shop and when I came back he ran up to me saying mummy you came back, love you, love you. I nearly cried.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 15/05/2012 11:48

Poor ds! Sad

Your soon to be ex is so self centred! Angry