Did you have a honeymoon period after an affair?

[GetTheeToANunnery]

A few questions, did you go through a honeymoon period? How long did it last? Did your relationship carry on as if nothing happened? Or did it all go tits p eventually?
Would really appreciate hearing some experiences of this.

We got back together for a few weeks & went on a holiday where we were meant to talk about the relationship. All it achieved was that I stopped being pathetically grateful that he had come back, saw him for the creep he was, and asked him to leave once we got back....

We are currently going through this atm. I've heard it called something but for the life of me can't remember what it is, basically it's rebuilding the bond with your mate and it can last days, weeks or months, I looked it up as I didn't know if what I was doing or feeling was the norm but it is apparently, would be interesting to see the responses you have to this question, my partner (of 17 years) was the one who strayed, has shown immense remorse and has begged for a second chance, it's been just over a month since I found out the awful truth and tbh I still haven't cried, think I'm still shell shocked and atm don't know fully know what the future holds but I'm looking to give him a second chance, I still love him

We are currently going through this atm. I've heard it called something but for the life of me can't remember what it is, basically it's rebuilding the bond with your mate and it can last days, weeks or months, I looked it up as I didn't know if what I was doing or feeling was the norm but it is apparently, would be interesting to see the responses you have to this question, my partner (of 17 years) was the one who strayed, has shown immense remorse and has begged for a second chance, it's been just over a month since I found out the awful truth and tbh I still haven't cried, think I'm still shell shocked and atm don't know fully know what the future holds but I'm looking to give him a second chance, I still love him

hysterical bonding I believe...

That's the one Pillarbox.

That's the one Pillarbox.

If you mean lots of sex - this is called hysterical bonding. There are quite a few articles online about this and why this happens.

As for how long this lasts, it depends what happened during and after the affair, how well you are recovering and what the cheater is doing to make amends and repair the marriage.

It's meant to be a type of 'reclaiming' and is a pretty primal reaction. I think it happens to most couples after discovery. I guess any genuine honeymoon period happens quite far in the future...

Is this the same as celebrating the fact that the cheating partner got away with it.

And to answer the OP. If everything 'carries on as normal', it WILL go tits up eventually. That is, unless the betrayed is happy to sweep everything under the rug and lose a bit of themselves and self respect in the process.

What Jink said. Looks more like the cheater celebrating that he got away with it. After the honeymoon it will be back to cheating again.

Yup, definitely had the honeymoon period - he was so happy to "have got off the hook" I think. It didn't last though - Once real life kicked back in all the stuff he did before that annoyed me just annoyed me even more cos of what he'd done.

Have to say disagree with some of these posts. It's a mutual thing in our case not just dp 'celebrating' the fact he's got away with it, who knows what the future holds, always used to say I'd never forgive a cheater but now I'm in this position.....it's just so hard!

Have to say disagree with some of these posts. It's a mutual thing in our case not just dp 'celebrating' the fact he's got away with it, who knows what the future holds, always used to say I'd never forgive a cheater but now I'm in this position.....it's just so hard!

Looksgoodingravy I disagree too, but it depends what you are trying to define. Hysterical bonding is something that is usually (if subconsciously) instigated by the one who has been betrayed as a type of reassertion.

A honeymoon period could mean any number of things!

And, I am sorry you are in the position you're in. It is hard. Almost everyone who says they will never forgive considers the alternative when it's their situation. There's no right or wrong, just what is right for YOU (which IMO is almost always some form of forgiveness (for your own piece of mind), but that doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship)

Gravy why are you posting your messages twice ??

I don't know Kitty, they come up twice automatically

Thanks Pillarbox, yes you're right and hopefully, in our case, we can work through this mess.

I don't know Kitty, they come up twice automatically

Thanks Pillarbox, yes you're right and hopefully, in our case, we can work through this mess.

Sometime if you post from a phone it does it twice. Don't know why.

As for hysterical bonding and staying after affairs, I've known a few marriages where this happened and I have never seen a good outcome. It ends a few months or years later anyway and the cheated on partner regrets hanging around or the cheater goes off with their new person anyway or the cheated upon person polices every move of their dh/dp for ever more and never feels truly happy and secure. And then of course there is the constant lurking feeling of "not being enough" for the other person that they went elsewhere leading to a gradual decline in self esteem until you barely know who you are anymore and live in constant terror of being abandoned, which feels much worse as well because you don't believe you'll ever find anyone else seeing as your partner in life didn't love you enough to be faithful.

So it's lose, lose all round and I think anyone who gets cheated on should dump immediately. I didn't and lived to regret it. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear and is depressing.

Gravy/Pillarbox

I think that some people can deal with cheating, put it behind them and hope for the best, whilst others are not able to argue about a pair of dirty socks left behind on the bathroom floor without bringing up the fact that the other cheated, even if this happened 10 years ago. There are also those who forgive knowing that it will almost certainly happen again... I guess it all depends on which category you are in... (and I'm sure there are many more than the ones I mentioned)

No body knows what the future brings, that is a fact. One may live happily ever after with a cheater, or face a lot more misery or be happy on your own and perhaps meet someone else or leave a cheating partner and regret later that you didn't give it another go... the possibilities are endless...

Personally, I think that the only way I could get over a cheating partner is if I never found out in the first place.

Different strokes for different folks!

Imho, celebrating that one gets away with it pretty much says it all. I think the so called "honeymoon period" has a lot to do with the release of stress. i/e being found out and gotten away with it.

I wish I could see into the future, when I first learned of dp's infidelities I immediately told him to leave, he didn't and insisted he had made the biggest mistake of his life, he has done everything in his power to convince me this will never happen again, the trust however is shattered and I will never have that comfortable feeling again, how we build on this remains to be seen, it's just like a bereavement, what we had and the person I thought I loved has died, it's such a difficult time at the moment.

I wish I could see into the future, when I first learned of dp's infidelities I immediately told him to leave, he didn't and insisted he had made the biggest mistake of his life, he has done everything in his power to convince me this will never happen again, the trust however is shattered and I will never have that comfortable feeling again, how we build on this remains to be seen, it's just like a bereavement, what we had and the person I thought I loved has died, it's such a difficult time at the moment.

There have been good outcomes in my experience but it does depends on what they are doing to recover and to repair the marriage.

I do not police my H and I do feel secure but then I have rebuild my life and my self esteem is rock solid. My H has worked very hard in addressing his issues and flaws as well as helping me recover.

Many MNetters on here have said the same thing - so you do not always have to dump the cheater :)

Looksgood - have you read SHirley Glass's Not Just Friends? It came highly recommended on here and will help you decide what you want to do about your DP and your future.

What kind of things has he done (not said) to convince you?

I think you hit the nail on the head Madbout, working on your own self esteem will help this recovery so much more, I've already begun to see friends more and am going to start a keep fit regime working on my own securities and building them again.