AIBU to want to keep baby of unexpected pregnancy if partner doesn't?

[heavyheart]

Just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant, and as I was on the coil, completely unxpected. I already hae kids, about t start a new job and move house, timing couldn't be worse, but want to keep it more than get rid, where as my partner has the opposite opinion.

The reason I find your view so offensive chipping is that it is views like yours which allow men to be feckless fathers, with disastrous consequences on their children. These children have no say in the method of their conception, so how is it fair to victimize them because of it?

From your point of view, all a man has to say is 'I didn't want it' and he has to have nothing further to do with his child. Do you not understand the consequences of this? Children would be deprived of financial support which is their right, and any 'wanted' child could quite easily be disowned too if the father decides he no longer 'wants' them. After all, all he would have to say according to you is that his partner told him she was on contraception.

Conception is a risk of sex. Fact. Everyone (men and women) knows this, and it is up to everyone to decide to either abstain or take the risk of having a child if having sex.

Both men and women should deal with the consequences of this. Quintessential women do have to take responsibility too: it involves either giving birth to a child or having an abortion. The fact that women have the right to choose abortion in this country should in no way confound this.

Men have the choice over whether they are involved with their children, but on a financial basis they can be at least made to take responsibility.

Comments like these smack of daily mail trollop, and only further propagate the idea that it is ok for men to walk away from their children without a backward glance.

OP I hope that you have support from family/friends. From your posts it sounds like you do definitely do not want an abortion.

Of course YANBU. Give yourselves some time to get over the shock and get used to the idea. If your partner really doesn't want to be a dad and chooses to walk away, I think he should still pay some child support.
Best wishes.

Well said, splashy.

You really have to believe very strongly in a man's right to have consequence-free sex to argue that a man who gets a woman pregnant unexpectedly is being treated unfairly if he has to pay for any resulting child.

Splashy, I think the difference is that while children don't have any choice in the way they were conceived, the mother does have a choice about having them. She has the option of having an abortion and then being able to move on with her life with no financial consequences, a man doesn't have that choice. His future finances are based on what someone else wants. He can hope that the contraception works but thats it. Whereas a woman can hope the contraception works and if it doesnt then she has further options that her partner doesnt have. Women have far more choices in this than men do, so I think they should take full responsibility for the choices that they make. Especially in a country like ours where she will get state help anyway.

Hi there
We are going to move this into relationships
All best to you heavyheart
MN towers

I was in a similar position some time ago. i went to clinic appointment and even made an appointment for termination. However it was quite clear that I couldn't do it. My partner saw this before I had to force the issue and I kept my lovely dd. Having said that, I would have walked away rather than being pressured into a termination I didn't want.

Keep the baby, dump the fuckwit man

outraged raising a child is taking full responsibility.

Abortion is not an option to many women because of many reasons.

If a man really doesn't want a child it is up to him to abstain from sex.

Do you really think it is ok for a man to say 'You didn't have an abortion so it's ok for me to walk away from this child?'

I am guessing that none of these poster's advocating men's 'rights' on this thread are single mothers.

I will stop posting on this thread, as I don't think debating this issue here is what the OP needs right now. It also makes me very sad that women would think like this.

heavyheart As I mentioned previously, I was in the same situation as you over 2 years ago and now have a beautiful dd. If I can be of any support to you please PM me. I wish you the very best.

"Especially in a country like ours where she will get state help anyway."

You want public money to subsidise men who want to walk away from children they created?!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Men have the choice not to have sex.

They have sex knowing that sex makes babies and that there is no 100% method of preventing conception (other than making themselves voluntarily infertile, which is a choice if they feel so strongly about not spreading their seed).

The fact that women have the option of a termination should have no bearing on a man's legal or financial responsibility to his offspring.

I am genuinely shocked that a forum full of women thinks it should be so.

"You can always have an abortion, bitch. If you don't, you won't see a penny out of me."

That's what you people think the law should be?

Jesus fucking Christ.

If you want to have the baby have the baby. men come and go, children are for life.

If he wasn't prepared to risk having a DC then he shouldn't have ejaculated on your cervix.

heavyheart - Good luck and follow your heart - you are the person that must live with the consequences of your choice.

(I've been in your position , had the baby and have never regretted it)

Of course I don't want the state to support children whose Fathers walk away, but it happens so regularly that I don't think this situation makes any difference. I just think that in a pregnancy that has occurred despite using contraception, a woman can choose to take responsibility for a child or absolve herself of that if she wants to. A man should have the same choice.

YANBU.

I'd more quickly get rid of partner than a baby.
You had the coil, he should know it's not 100% reliable. Why didn't he have the snip if he is so against having children? Or at least wore condoms?

You are not being unreasonable to want to keep the baby, of course not. But be prepared that he may leave if this really isn't what he wants.

You should also have a think about - if he does walk away - would it be fair to expect him to pay to raise a baby he doesn't want. I know many will say yes, it is a subject I am myself torn on, but others will also say no. I know that I would not feel in any position to ask him to contribute.

Also be aware that pregnancies with the coil can be ectopic, so watch our for that.