What do I do - toxic parents keep putting MIL in a very awkward situation?

[bintofbohemia]

We asked my stepmother and father to stop contacting us last year after a long history of trouble with them. We tried everything to find a way around this but things were getting worse and worse with every interaction, so after a lot of soul searching I asked them to leave us completely alone until they are ready to actually sort things out with us, rather than keep doing abusive and hurtful things and then gloss over them and pretend that nothing happened. Since doing that we also moved house.

My SM was determined that she was going to carry on sending cards and money even though we asked her not to. When she realised we moved she started to send things to my MIL's house. Not only do I find this incredibly disrespectful, but it puts MIL in a very awkward situation as she's seen how upset I get every time she passes these things on.

My SM has absolutely no qualms about using people or putting them in an awkward position so long as she gets to plough on and do what she wants. I've just received an anniversary card, again forwarded from MIL and I don't know what to do about it. I'm tempted to just give them our address so that it takes MIL out of the equation, but then it's like she's won with her high handed bullying tactics. Unless I return it to MIL and ask her to return it to them and ask them to stop doing this, but she won't; she lacks confidence at the best of times and has recently lost her husband so it's really not fair to put her in this position.

Any advice please?

If they wanted to sort things out, they could call and do so. Otherwise would be better left completely.

I would go to the police.

My parents send everything to my MIL too. I dont know how they even found them, they only know their names and their ex-directory too. They dont show up on 192.com or anything like that.

You are not alone op.

I open the cards and have a chuckle "to a special couple". Really?.

Fluffy sorry you're in the same boat too, but I guess you understand where I'm coming from! Sometimes I think that to people who don't understand, it sounds a bit mental - (I'm complaining about being sent greetings cards/money for the kids?!) but it's not about them being nice, it's about them making a point, or a statement to the outside world, and to us. (I can hear my SM in my head saying "who does she think she is telling me what to do, if I want to send a card I bloody well will!")*

*Not literally.

Would you have to pay to have stuff sent to a post box?

Maybe in a nearby town if you don´t want them to know your address at all?

I think a letter from a solicitor might help.

I think for mail redirections/post boxes, we'd have to pay, and we'd also have to contact them to give them that address. I'm hoping DH's text might have done the trick - he was quite insistent about them leaving his mum out of things and they tend to listen to him more. (Or at least they pretend to - they don't like people outside of the immediate family to know what they are like so I'd be surprised if they really let him see.) Anything further though, and definitely will look into the solicitor/police route.

Surely it's going to be difficult to get any kind of injunction/the police involved, if your husband is texting to say that he'd "love to hear from them if..." etc? You need to decide whether the relationship is permanently over, in which case by all means get a solicitors letter etc, or not.