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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you know any psychopaths? Tell me about them, please?

60 replies

FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 12:30

Have just read Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test and am now examining everyone I know for psychopathic traits Wink

Do you know anyone who you're convinced is a psychopath/sociopath? What are they like? I really am curious to see if it's as common as is stated.

Link to the Hare Checklist
www.sociopathicstyle.com/traits/classic.htm

Just for fun of course. Am pretty sure you'd need a qualified professional to diagnose anything for certain.

Have posted this in chat too.

Thanks!

OP posts:
pictish · 29/04/2012 12:31

I read it too, and it stayed with me the same.

EightToSixer · 29/04/2012 12:34

I read that too and started examining everyone. I came to the conclusion that everyone had some traits!
I know one person who fits all the traits, successful in business, turns on the charm very convincingly, but is vindictive beyond belief. Will convince everyone around that they want positive things, while working away in the background for everyone else to fail.

He hasn't been diagnosed as nobody gets close enough to get him referred. I keep well away and advice others to do the same.

MissLofPubia · 29/04/2012 12:38

I do 13 out of 20 of those things, am I one? Confused and Sad

squeakytoy · 29/04/2012 12:39

I am of the opinion that there is a marked difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. I have also had relationships with both too. :(

FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 12:40

It really is an awful thought pictish.. I can't square it in my mind. How can religious believers for example, accept the idea that someone has an untreatable lack of conscience and inability to feel love?
Brr. I agree eight, steer clear!

OP posts:
treadwarily · 29/04/2012 12:45

Not sure whether she would qualify entirely but a colleague is a pathological liar. I swear to god she cannot complete a sentence without embellishment or total falsehood. Deceit and mischief ooze from her. Bizarre. How do people end up like this?

FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 12:45

Think the fact that you feel :( about the possibilty MissL is a big clue that you're not!.
Good grief squeakytoy.. that must've been so draining.
Suppose what I should have said is Antisocial Behaviour Personality.

OP posts:
puds11 · 29/04/2012 12:45

Hurray! I'm not a psychopath! Smile

chocoraisin · 29/04/2012 12:51

some modern psychologists view psychopathy (or sociopathy, different name, same thing) as a spectrum - a scale like the AS spectrum, which more people are familiar with. In other words, we all fall somewhere on it, but most people fall at the very low end which is considered the norm. As you climb the spectrum, behaviour becomes more anti-social, but very, very few are the American Psycho style criminal knife wielding mentalist! Most that I think get by in normal society are just increasingly selfish, shallow and lack any sense of personal responsibility.

I think I know one intimately but would never be in a position to suggest a diagnosis. It's also not likely that a diagnosis would be of any help, as a symptom of going up the spectrum would be less and less awareness/insight into their own behaviour... so what's the point in getting it confirmed? It wouldn't change them! It's a weird thing to be close to someone who has most of these traits most of the time though. Not fun

Elkieb · 29/04/2012 13:05

You have to be tested by a psychologist using the PCL-R. I'm not a psychopath but I do work in a mental health secure hospital!

FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 13:06

Just wanted to share what I've already posted over on 'Chat', as it was pointed out that my original post may sound flippant, as if I'm wanting to gawp at others past awful experiences:

'Probably should have shared that I was prompted to read the book after years of experiencing emotional and financial exploitation from a person I've called a friend. Just waking up to it now. Really didn't mean to sound flippant- I am genuinely interested in how many people have had their lives impacted upon by a person like this.'

chocoraisin walking that line must be quite strange. I have been burned by over-investment in my 'friend' before. It's amazing how his words differ so much from his actions. He is so charming, but yet does such horrible things to people.

OP posts:
FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 13:08

I also said-
'I should have been clearer and said that the diagnostic criteria are 'for fun' as we cannot diagnose others concretely.'

OP posts:
mampam · 29/04/2012 13:10

I could tick every one of those traits for my older brother, although not sure that sociopath is the right word for him, more like dickhead.

FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 13:44

:o mampam. I think the 'dickhead' scale would be a good alternative name for it.

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Inadeeptrance · 29/04/2012 13:51

It's pretty scary when you consider just how many sociopaths there are. I think roughly around 1 in 30 men, and 1 in 100 women!

It explains so much about the world, that is a heck of a lot of people walking round with NO empathy or conscience... Sad

FreshwaterPlimpies · 29/04/2012 14:19

It does explain so much. I can't understand why it isn't mentioned more?

OP posts:
borninastorm · 29/04/2012 14:39

Sums up my ExH to a tee.

By the time I left I knew he was a sociopath at least. The damage he left in his wake is quite unbelievable and almost indescribable. And I'm sure if I tried to share everything he did people would struggle to believe it all.

Wonder12 · 29/04/2012 18:16

Also sums up my ex to a tee Sad
He's the father of my child who he abandoned late pregnancy & was supposedly excited. I always knew there was something not quite right with him some of the things he did I used to beHmmHmmHmm
He fits all them categories, sub categories and all! Will never be fooled again by one of these low-life's... I hopeConfused
I just watch my gorgeous child and am glad it was all worth it as he is amazing! But please please God does NOT inherit the nasty characteristics and his biological father! So far not a trace Grin

Wonder12 · 29/04/2012 18:17

*Of his biological father I meant...

scarletforya · 29/04/2012 18:21

I don't find it hard to understand at all. Psychopaths are neurologically different from the general population. It's science.

I've met a few and I'm pretty sure a close relation is one, so I've studied the creature all my life.

They're everywhere.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 29/04/2012 18:27

I have met one, I think.

A woman in her 40s who was a neighbour. She was also an alcoholic, I now realise, looking back on it.

She was simply totally impossible to deal with. She lied quite blatantly and would look you in the eye and dare you to contradict her.

She was a piece of work! Have never known anyone like her before or since. She made my life utterly miserable, on purpose, I am sure.

tintoytarantula · 29/04/2012 19:02

I've wondered about someone I used to work for - could turn on the charm but also lie his head off and not think twice about it, would make the occasional very generous gesture (office parties were quite something, he spent THOUSANDS) but most of the time push you into a nervous breakdown with insane demands and then tell you to get fucked when you couldn't cope. This wasn't just me, this was everyone - the staff turnover at that place was huge and he would have laughed in your face if you'd mentioned, oh, labour laws or staff welfare. He genuinely didn't think rules applied to him.

He used to brag about the people he'd screwed over, including one female friend who he left alone without warning in a foreign country because they'd disagreed on where to go. Only he didn't have the argument, he pretended to agree with her and then just left early in the morning without saying anything. Never contacted her to tell her where he'd gone or check she was OK. He still thinks this is hilarious.

Yet he does seem to have genuine affection for his wife and kids, and to care about friends (for as long as he feels that they deserve it). I mean, he's not Hannibal Lecter. There's something weird going on with him, but I've no idea whether he's a sociopath, a narcissist or just a common-or-garden knobhead.

SoSad007 · 29/04/2012 23:47

tintoy deserting a friend in a foreign country, and then finding it hilarious is definitely the sort of thing a psychopath would do. Can't imagine a) a normal person even thinking of doing this, and b) then finding it funny after they've done it.

I definitely know of two psychopaths, both of whom, chillingly, had absolutely no remorse for their actions, and no conscience. As a psychologist friend said, having absolutely no conscience is a dead giveaway. Not talking about the occassional slip a normal person might have, btw.

The last psychopath I worked for was in charge of our department. He had two women who were pregnant at the same time. The first woman was a long-time employee of his. However, because he did not want to pay maternity benefits to the second woman, he targeted her quite ruthlessly. The second woman was a stellar performer, and he would send her appalling emails, block her in her job, hand over her responsibilities to others etc etc, when she was 7 months pregnant, and having issues with the pregnancy. I believe he was actually happy to break the law (as long as it suited him, and he wasn't caught), and he had a remorseless twunt as a manager who supported him.

The other psycho I encountered took great pleasure in taking advantage of me when I had to have life-saving surgery, then bad-mouthing me to friends and turning a whole group of people against me when I was trying to recover from above surgery. Later, I also found she tried to convince another friend to hand over her 10yr old daughter's pony to the psycho's daughter! Friend's daughter was absolutely distraught! Piece of work that psycho was!

Abitwobblynow · 30/04/2012 08:55

Elkieb how many of your patients are psychopaths do you think?

I suppose I am asking what proportion are mad, bad or sad?

I asked a prison officer that once. He thought about it and said a third of each.

Abitwobblynow · 30/04/2012 09:00

A psychologist also told me: rape and child sex abuse is a pointer to psychopaths.
When something is so clearly WRONG and they do it because they want to, ie the person being hurt is an object for their gratification.

In the child sex abuse thread quite a few people spent time trying to explain to others that the people who hurt them were evil.

See above. It's a hard concept to get. That they really, really have no conscience.