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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do you tell if somome with mental heath problems is dangerous?

28 replies

raspberryroop · 28/04/2012 18:48

I have a bit of a dilema - I have found out that a girlfriend of one of my Godsons is a fantasist. Didnt bother me overmuch for a while as it was mostly (I thought harmless) However my husband died 7 weeks ago and this seams to have triggered a 'response' in her - she has claimed to have got a part time job with Mi5 as a sniper (has army background but is 21!) and when I challenged her on it basically said she was licenced to kill and I should be careful. I did not takr this well and emailed a close family memeber to ask them to take a closer look at her. However they contacted her and it has gone ballistic. Now I know she is lying and I know she hurts herself for attention and I know she has precons for violance. should I be worried ? I am already very hurt that my Godson is anygry at me for raising this when all i was doing was protecting my family

OP posts:
NimpyWindowmash · 28/04/2012 18:57

Sorry for your loss.
What do you mean by precons for violence?
If she has any history of violence then of course that is a major risk factor. But it could be that she presents no threat at all. It's very hard to say.
Is there any reason why your husbands death has triggered her do you think?

Original poster
raspberryroop · 28/04/2012 19:00

Because she lives with my best friend (mother of my godson) so my friend has obviously spent alot of time with me plus I suspect she is generally 'jelouse' of the attention t has brought me from our general social circl. She throws herself down stairs and regularry 'falls' off her motor bike. The violance is more criminal damage but she has also been violent in a job she has had

OP posts:
doormat · 28/04/2012 19:04

i would stay well clear...if your godson believes her and is willing to cause a furore because of her lies..well more fool him

break away from the both of them but not your friend..let your godson deal with the skank

ps am sorry for your loss x

Original poster
raspberryroop · 28/04/2012 19:06

Thanks I already have said I dont want her near me or my children - worried about my GS as he is such a bright nice guy but not willing to risk my kids. Do not need this now to be honest.

OP posts:
Anypointinseeingdoc · 28/04/2012 19:10

I'm sorry for your loss. Does your Godson see through any of the lies? MI5 is not called MI5, they don't go round killing people and anybody who boasts that they work there is a liar. I think the best thing for you to do is withdraw completely from the situation as you are obviously in a vulnerable situation and you don't need this.

How long has the relationship been going on?

Original poster
raspberryroop · 28/04/2012 19:12

They have been going out for 2 years ish - worried as he lives with my friend whist GS is at uni ! I have stepped totally away!

OP posts:
Original poster
raspberryroop · 28/04/2012 19:12

sorry she lives with my friend

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 28/04/2012 19:12

You are not responsible for your Godson. Look after yourself and your children. You have enough on your plate without getting involved with this fruit loop of a girlfriend. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Any attention you pay her is grist to her mill.

I repeat, look after yourself and your family

Original poster
raspberryroop · 28/04/2012 19:48

Fluff - got to agree - just going to keep away - done the best I can

OP posts:
SirSugar · 28/04/2012 20:38

log her threat with police, whether shes serious or not you don't go round telling people you are licensed to kill and threatening them.

Sounds like she needs sectioning

garlicnutter · 29/04/2012 02:04

She sounds pretty unstable. From the pov of concern for her mental health, her condition will probably have to run its course before she seeks treatment. She's still young and it may pass - it's fairly common for serious psychiatric symptoms to happen in the late teens to early twenties and then just go away again. Or she may be using drugs that disagree with her, which is also likely to pass.

Wrt your own safety, I agree that you should lodge a complaint with the police. Threatening to kill is a criminal offence. They'll probably have a word and write her off as a dipstick, but you can't know whether she's committed other offences and it's best to make a formal record.

I didn't understand why you haven't mentioned your friend in relation to this. She's the young man's mother, yes? As it's really not your place to control his love life, I recommend taking your lead from her. Is she keeping a low profile in hopes that he'll go off her eventually? It could be the wiser strategy ...

Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 11:16

Glarlicnutter I'm not sure if you ment to come across as patronising - but you do. I have kept quite for 2 years until she threatned me and then threatened me again with Mi5. My husband died 7 weeks ago and I have 3 children so forgive me if I feel vunerable. I really dont feel that emailing my GS father to ask for advice is trying to control his love life. My GS can shag who he wants, but I have no intension of remaning passive when threatned.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 29/04/2012 12:53

There are two separate issues here: this girl has threatened you and it's fine, and probably a good idea, to report this to the police. The other issue is that you are not in charge of your GS' lovelife and should take a step back. Unfortunately, particularly with younger people, having a volatile partner who everyone else dislikes can be seen as romantic and exciting, and the more others try to interfere, the closer the person clings to the nutty partner.

Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 13:41

SGB can you tell me how I have interfered I havnt even spoken to my GS ? because I really would like that insight - as for the police - My husband is ex job and half my friends are serving officers and are aware of the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 13:43

And as I put before I have stepped totally away

OP posts:
Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 13:44

And SGB that wasnt ment sarcastically I really would like to know how I have interfered !

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 29/04/2012 17:46

SGB's post clarified my intended point.

If you have stepped totally away, I feel you're doing the wise thing. The issue of a threat upon your life, however, is a criminal matter not an emotional one and would be best addressed by the police.

I am sorry for your loss and understand that you're feeling at sixes and sevens. Yes, this girl may have tried to frighten you because she perceived you as vulnerable. Again: it's a matter for the police.

NimpyWindowmash · 29/04/2012 17:51

OP, I think SGB is not accusing you of interfering, but is confiming that stepping away is a good idea, as you have done.

Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 19:30

Then - saying Stepping away as you have done is a good idea would have been much clearer. ''The other issue is that you are not in charge of your GS' lovelife and should take a step back'' to me doesnt say that - but I could very well be wrong. And ''as its really not your place to control his love life'' again just doesnt translate to me as - 'yes I agree stepping back, as you have said you have done is a good idea', but agin I could be very wrong. Appreciate the advice anyway.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 29/04/2012 20:18

You've 'challenged' her and emailed other family members telling them to deal with her, sorry but that does count as interfering. You say that she is 'jealous' of you and that she 'hurts herself for attention'. You clearly dislike her and you've clearly made that obvious: none of this excuses her threatening you but it does explain it. So back off and stay backed off, there is nothing you can do to compel your GS to stop seeing her, and you need to take care of yourself and your DC right now.

Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 21:11

SGB - she told me she was ''licensced to kill'' and I had better be careful - yes I may dislike her. Asking one other family member for advice may count as interfering to you - to me its protecting myself and children but I suppose its all a matter of perspective

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 29/04/2012 21:18

how does your friend feel?

its easy to judge mental health when youre not living with it.

does your friend feel safe? is the gf seing anyone?

catsareevil · 29/04/2012 21:24

raspberry - you seem to be getting angry with the people who have responded to you. The advice from garlic and sgb doesnt read as anything other than helpful.

Original poster
raspberryroop · 29/04/2012 22:12

catsareevil as I said its a matter of persective - I had aleady said I would be stepping back and totally agreed with fluff and said -Fluff - got to agree - just going to keep away - done the best I can. dont really want to get into semantics but think I will certainly be more careful how I respond to people as I now know how it feels at the other end

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 29/04/2012 22:42

With the best will in the world, if you interact as clumsily in RL as you have here, I'm not entirely shocked if you get some people's backs up. Not to say that the girl's response was appropriate in any way. And I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband. But surely you can see that it's hardly a leap for the girl to interpret your actions as aggressive interference? I think I would in her place.