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Original poster

Hmm AIBU expecting my partner not to masturbate?

39 replies

SweetPea91 · 24/04/2012 21:57

An odd thread to start considering it is my first but never the less. My partner has been very distant from me since being pregnant. I am 5 months now. Intermittent affection and complete lack of any sexual contact. Being a young pregnant woman at 21 and trying to accept my body is not looking it's best and having the worry of looking unattractive, especially to your partner really isn't easy. A few days ago I caught him masturbating in the bathroom whilst I was making dinner. And I feel really quite hurt....maybe even a little betrayed which I feel is silly to say. Considering he's been so distant and uninterested in me I was shocked and it confirmed it for me that maybe I do really look THAT unattractive that he feels he has to masturbate rather than be intimate with me. We have had an argument about it and he thinks it's all resolved, but I still feel awkward about it. Am I over reacting :/?

OP posts:
itwillallbenothingright · 24/04/2012 22:00

Can you ask him about it? It's OK to masturbate, it's just a natural release of sexual tension, maybe he is scared of harming the baby?
I can understand how you feel but I personally masturbate every day probably and it means nothing bad about my DP

eurochick · 24/04/2012 22:02

I'd expect any man in a relationship to maturate sometimes. It's not something that has ever bothered me.

Quite a few men are odd about sexual contact in pregnancy too. Can you talk to him about it? Reassure him he won't hurt the baby?

StrandedBear · 24/04/2012 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReallyTired · 24/04/2012 22:05

I think that most men (and women) masturbate. Surely masturbation is better than being unfaithful.

Its quite common that men don't find pregnant women sexy. Do you still feel loved. There are lots of ways of showing love other than sex. What is your relationship like generally?

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2012 22:05

Masturbating and sex are two completely different things.

He probably wanted a quick and immediate fix

The only other quick fix would have been to grab you cold and ram it inside you...and I'm sure you'd rightly be angry if he asked if he could do that.

It sounds like you two need to talk about the distance and sexual contact though.

Aliitlemoretime · 24/04/2012 22:06

' A few days ago I caught him masturbating in the bathroom whilst I was making dinner'

Don't make dinner in the bathroom.

Mrbojangles1 · 24/04/2012 22:08

No is fine for any one to touch themselves after all it's their body

It's very true some men have this wired idea they might hurt the baby or somthing no matter how much their told they won't

It's his willy he should be able to touch it whenever he wants

FredFredGeorge · 24/04/2012 22:08

Yes, afraid you are, masturbation is not simply about sex this explanation of sperm warfare and realise that male and female masturbation, whilst about sex at the ultimate level don't really say anything about the monagamous relationship you're in. It's just a biological part of being human.

Mrbojangles1 · 24/04/2012 22:09

Op you caught him masturbating in the bathroom

We're do you want him to do it in the garden he is being perfectly appropriate

In the bed room or in the bathroom is the right place for it

mirry2 · 24/04/2012 22:13

He's probably worried about hurting you or the baby. give him a break.

Mrbojangles1 · 24/04/2012 22:14

Didn't they cover this at school

Masturabtion is normal most people do it make and female it says nothing about the relationship your in

To be honest I think it's says more about a person who has never self loved

piprabbit · 24/04/2012 22:14

According to an item in the Sunday Times this week "only an estimated 20%-30% of women, and a vanishingly small number of me, do not [masturbate]".
It's unreasonable to expect your OH not to masturbate. However, you should have a calm, non-judgy, chat about how you both feel about sex and intimacy during pregnancy.

piprabbit · 24/04/2012 22:15

not me - men....

Blush.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2012 22:15

It's his willy he should be able to touch it whenever he wants

Yeah, apart from when he's sat on a busy bus or train Grin

Littlemissimpatient · 24/04/2012 22:16

I think you need to tell him about how you feel about your body etc.
I wouldn't worry too much about the masturbating. I never used to like it but I'd rather DH did that than pester me sometimes and to them it's a way to get some sort of release.

Bluegrass · 24/04/2012 22:17

Unless he is choosing to knock one out over afternoon tea with your mother then yes, YABU to expect him not to masturbate

r3dh3d · 24/04/2012 22:20

YABU to expect him not to masturbate. It's entirely normal.

YANBU to expect him to make you feel loved and cherished and attractive when you are pg, and if he doesn't happen to feel "right" about sex with a pg woman, he should try even harder to make you feel loved and cherished and attractive in other ways. Not ignore you till you catch him knocking one out in the bathroom, then shrug it off.

AlfalfaMum · 24/04/2012 22:22

I really don't think it's the masturbating that's upsetting you, but rather that you are feeling rejected and unwanted because you are not getting your oats(as I would too).
yanbu to expect some affection from your partner

NicholasTeakozy · 24/04/2012 22:24

Complete lack of sexual contact.

Is this because he doesn't want sex with you while you're pregnant? If so, YANBU. What is wrong with some men? Then again, if it's your decision then YABU.

Original poster
SweetPea91 · 24/04/2012 22:30

ohh I think I may have worded my subject wrong. He can do it but it just took me by surprise considering he's so uninterested in me.

Aliitlemoretime

*' A few days ago I caught him masturbating in the bathroom whilst I was making dinner'

Don't make dinner in the bathroom.*

That did make me laugh quite a bit. Obviously I was in the kitchen and needed the loo, the door was open and I was under the impression he was still watching football.

AlfalfaMum

You explained how I feel very well. Rejected is the perfect word to describe it.

OP posts:
QueenofPlaids · 24/04/2012 22:32

YABU to object to him masturbating, but I can see how it's hurtful when you're not getting attention.

I'd be more concerned with the distance and lack of contact than the masturbating per se. In your shoes I'd be talking to him about how he feels & trying to drive out his unusual behaviour is to do with the pregnancy (which it sounds like it is).

AmberLeaf · 24/04/2012 22:36

YABU

Its highly likely that he has always masturbated.

Dont take it personally because its not about you

I can understand you feeling a bit upset at his lack of intimacy with you, but I think you need to address that as a seperate issue to the wanking which is perfectly normal.

wannaBe · 24/04/2012 22:38

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the context of your situation tbh.

You say he's not interested in sex with you. Yet he hasn't lost his need for release - I would feel rejected too
.
Talk to him. Ask him why it is he's not interested...

HeadfirstForHalos · 24/04/2012 22:45

Yabu to expect him not to masturbate but yanbu to feel hurt by it considering his sexual rejection of you. You need to have an open and Frank discussion with him about how you feel and ask him why he won't have sex with you.

BustersOfDoom · 24/04/2012 23:01

Hmmm. When I was pregnant I totally went off sex, I had absolutely no libido whatsoever and when I did try cos I wanted DP to 'feel wanted' it just felt horrible. DP was fab and understood and never, ever tried to nag me into shagging him.

Some blokes just don't find pregnant women attractive and lots of men don't want to have sex with a pregnant woman. In the same way that some pregnant women don't want to have sex. I think you and he should have a chat about it. He might feel like that. Please talk, I'd have been heartbroken if my DP had felt rejected when it was something that I couldn't control.