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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me show my boyfriend he means the world to me

49 replies

SpringHasSprungALeak · 23/04/2012 16:11

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we've had a rough few weeks (arguing) and it's mostly been my fault. I almost lost him this weekend. I need him to know how much I love him and how much he means to me. I'm seeing him tomorrow. Money is very tight, we had a meal out on Saturday so I know he won't agree to going for another meal. It needs be cheap/free. I really don't know what I can do. I need him to know that I'm never leaving him.

OP posts:
tunaday · 23/04/2012 16:24

If you are good at crafty things what about making him a card and telling him in that? What about using those Love heart sweets? Something like that maybe? Is he a sentimental/romantic sort? You haven't got a lot of time if you're seeing him tomorrow. I will keep thinking.....

CrispyCod · 23/04/2012 16:26

Cook him a meal. Decorate the table with candles etc and make it romantic. That will show him you care enough to take the time and effort etc. You'll also be able to talk freely without anyone overhearing your conversation. And, if things are going well you're not to far from the bedroom!!! Grin

izzyizin · 23/04/2012 16:35

I need him to know that I'm never leaving him

Why does he need to know that? Is he insecure in general or does he think you're interested in other men?

How did you 'almost' lose him this weekend? Did you leave him on a bus Grin

FannyFifer · 23/04/2012 16:38

God if u have only been together 6 months and are arguing loads already is it really worth the bother,

izzyizin · 23/04/2012 16:41

... my thoughts exactly, Fanny.

TheHappyHissy · 23/04/2012 16:43

You need to tell us what the arguments are about. I'm going to put it out there that it WASN'T your fault actually/entirely.

Why are YOU so keen to tell him that you will put up with all this grief and tell him you are 'never leaving him'. After LESS THAN 6M - you can't know that. If you are saying this now, and a good deal of arguing is going on ALREADY, you need to remind yourself of the following phrase

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Tell us what the issues are.

Be prepared to be told that you are wrong, that HE is wrong or that quite simply you are trying to make something work that just may not be possible.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2012 16:44

Things are this rough so soon ?

You need "grand gestures" to keep him ?

I say move on ...don't bend over backwards to hold on to a relationship like this

6 months in is the Honeymoon period not desperate action stations

Original poster
SpringHasSprungALeak · 23/04/2012 16:46

I have depression and tried to come off my tablets too quickly which made me extremely irritable, angry, upset, confrontational etc. I was taking everything out on him when it wasn't his fault. He's stuck by me when he didn't have to.

And yes, it is worth the bother. I love him with all my heart. It's only been six months but it feels like much longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringHasSprungALeak · 23/04/2012 16:47

No, I don't need grand gestures to keep him. I wanted to do something nice/thoughtful for him to show him that I love him. Like a man buys a girl flowers.

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 23/04/2012 16:48

I almost lost him this weekend.

Did you now. And did he dangle the danger of losing him but eventually agree not to leave on the implicit understand that you are never to anger him this way again?

I need him to know that I'm never leaving him.

Do you now. So that he can be sure that however bad the going gets, you'll always put the need to stay in a relationship ahead of the need to have your voice heard and respected?

YNK · 23/04/2012 16:49

Just say sorry - if that's not good enough maybe it's best if things don't drag on........?

NewMatic · 23/04/2012 16:49

Stop trying to buy him

Original poster
SpringHasSprungALeak · 23/04/2012 16:50

Bloody hell. Wish I hadn't posted now.

OP posts:
MrsShitty · 23/04/2012 16:51

Wrong area for light hearted stuff OP. Grin

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 23/04/2012 16:52

x-post

Seriously, though, too much drama for 6 months in. "I need him to know that I'm never leaving him." is NOT a healthy way to approach a relationship. You are placing way too much power in his hands. And possibly too many expectations.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2012 16:53

Spring, why wouldn't a simple "sorry" and an explanation be enough ?

I think people are picking up on your choice of language here.

I have been married for nearly 20 years, but not once have I ever made a grand gesture to say "I will never leave you"

Because I would leave him, if his behaviour warranted it, and he knows it (and vice versa)

TheHappyHissy · 23/04/2012 16:53

You are vulnerable. You have valid reasons for not being 100% and ALREADY, 'You nearly lost him' You've only been together a few months, you have pinned all your hopes for happiness on him, you don't want to be depressed anymore (I get that, totally) but you are.

Go back on the meds, say sorry.

If he's a keeper, he will stick by you, if he's not, you need to BOOT him away to the far side of F*ck. You need STABLE near you, not someone who bails when it gets a bit dicey.

Keep posting, tbh, you need the support.

FannyFifer · 23/04/2012 16:55

You should not be coming off your medication too fast, are you not under medical supervision whilst stopping meds?

Original poster
SpringHasSprungALeak · 23/04/2012 16:56

I don't know why i'm explaining myself for. My boyfriend has done NOTHING wrong. As I said, it was me that was causing the arguments. Yes, BF argued back a few times, I don't blame him.

OP posts:
TheHappyHissy · 23/04/2012 16:57

6 months in? love, trust me, you don't know him at all. Slow down.

ShirtyKnot · 23/04/2012 16:57

What a silly thread!

OP - try not to take this too much to heart. I think being in the first flush of love is ACE, and you should enjoy it.

Try not to focus too much on the whole "I will never leave you" stuff and stick with the "God, I really bloody LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" stuff.

So a nice meal as someone else suggested, and lots of telling him how much he means to you and what you love about him.

Stop it all of you!

marathonrunner · 23/04/2012 16:59

Agree with other posters. If you patched things up over the weekend like I assume you did then you don't need a grand gesture. If you think the relationship is worth it then the best way of showing you are serious is to be consistent and not do one off things. It can just be small things like asking him how his day was or telling him he looks nice. Things like that boost people's self esteem and make them feel like you care.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2012 16:59

stop what, SK ?

giving Op advice on her relationship ?

she may not be getting the replies she expected, but she is getting good counsel here

izzyizin · 23/04/2012 17:01

Being in the first flush of love is, indeed, as Shirty has said, 'ace' but making declarations of undying love 6 months into a relationship is worrying as it may indicate that you are pinning all your hopes on this man when you should be pinning them on yourself.

droves · 23/04/2012 17:02

Best thing to do is look in a mirror and say " I love you and will never leave you"".

Bollox to grand gestures ...be a fun person to be around , don't get too dependent on other people for your own happiness and don't let anyone guilt trip you into being responsible for theirs .

Sometimes leaving someone can be the very best thing for you both . Not every relationship is ment to last , some are just supposed to show us what we want or need .