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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help me show my boyfriend he means the world to me

49 replies

SpringHasSprungALeak · 23/04/2012 16:11

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we've had a rough few weeks (arguing) and it's mostly been my fault. I almost lost him this weekend. I need him to know how much I love him and how much he means to me. I'm seeing him tomorrow. Money is very tight, we had a meal out on Saturday so I know he won't agree to going for another meal. It needs be cheap/free. I really don't know what I can do. I need him to know that I'm never leaving him.

OP posts:

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 23/04/2012 17:02

For God's sake, leave the poor woman alone if you are going to rubbish her relationship. She wanted to some nice suggestions that's all.

OP get this moved to Chat, I would.

YNK · 23/04/2012 17:03

If you love him and this is a dealbreaker for him then you will have to respect him and let him go.
Chalk it up, as they say!

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 23/04/2012 17:12

Spring is being advised against grand gestures, against pinning all her hopes in a relationship, and instead is being advised to practice consistency in relationships, along with self-reliance, and self-love.

No, it is not the stuff of romance novels, but it is excellent, real-world advice.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2012 17:15

....and I would give it to anyone, on here, in RL and no matter which section they posted in

OracleInaCoracle · 23/04/2012 17:16

Oh... Oh dear.

droves · 23/04/2012 17:25

Actually i think that should be taught in schools , hotdamn .

( I'd say at home , but not every child has decent parents)

AnyFucker · 23/04/2012 17:29

OP, starting another thread to get only the answers you want is not really very sensible

OracleInaCoracle · 23/04/2012 17:36

What AF said, at best its childish and petulant!

OracleInaCoracle · 23/04/2012 17:36

What AF said, at best its childish and petulant!

FannyFifer · 23/04/2012 18:21

Seriously?

21YrOldMan · 23/04/2012 19:16

This thread made me lol.

OP, if you want to do a nice, cheap gesture, cook him a meal. Something you know he likes and isn't too expensive, then beg some massage oil off someone (or use moisturiser) and give him a back massage.

And ignore the "if ANYTHING slightly bad happens in the first 6 months it's a waste of time!" brigade. You don't have to justify yourself- "no" is a complete sentence ;)

MrGin · 23/04/2012 19:34

Woman asks for advice about doing something nice for her DP after giving him a hard time..

Mumsnet Massive advice : Leave the bastard !

YNK · 23/04/2012 19:46

No one called him a bastard MrGin. He left, she was told to say sorry and respect his response!

TheSecondComing · 23/04/2012 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrGin · 23/04/2012 20:01

YNK yes after being advised to leave him.

All the OP wanted was a suggestion to do something nice for the guy as she'd been a bit tricky with him and says she loves him.

Lueji · 23/04/2012 20:01

I'd think that an apology and explanation would be enough.

Plus, being more careful with meds and a little more mindful of his feelings.

No grand gesture can show him anything, just the day to day based on mutual love and respect.
Emphasis on mutual.

YNK · 23/04/2012 20:12

What Lueji said,,,,, MrGin most people have told the op to say sorry and respect his decision.

ImperialBlether · 23/04/2012 21:09

When you are feeling in a horrible mood, perhaps you should not see him, if you can't treat him with respect.

You need to look at a) why you're feeling so bad and b) why you pick on him when you are feeling bad.

It's alright not to see him all the time. Please tell us you're not living with him. If you're feeling down, chat to a friend, have a hot bath, listen to music. Just don't take it out on him.

See your doctor about the ADs - you're not meant to come off them quickly. Be honest with your doctor.

Ticktock1 · 24/04/2012 12:23

Last month my DP just stopped taking his AD's and you know what it was very hard, he would start fights for no reason, be really aggresive straight away and totally took it out on me sexually and then would cry about it. I can totally understand what your DP might have been feeling and we have been together for 18 months.

I hope you are back on them and doseing down properly and coming off the the AD's safely, my DP is and its much much better now. This was a huge strain on us as I didn't know he had come off of his pills for a couple of weeks and I just didn't know what had happened to my lovely DP. If he had been like that after just 6 months together I would have been very worried about our future.

I hope your date went well and you are ok. I also hoped you explained to him about the fact you stopped taking your meds. I don't think people realise how hard it is to handle. Take care

LunarRose · 24/04/2012 12:30

Good grief. Op made a mistake fancies doing something nice to say sorry and thank you for accepting my apology. sounds like her and OH is lovely.

Quite frankly that kind of mistake could happen anywhen in the relationship, no reason to doom a relationship because i happened in the first six months!!

Nice meal, candles, go out for a nice walk

Good Luck xxx

Ticktock1 · 24/04/2012 12:32

My DP called Mind after I posted for surpport on here and someone reccomended it. They couldn't help as they were not health proffeshionals (sorry bad spelling) but they gave him some advice and another number (which I don't have sorry).

They were massively helpful and he now calls the once a week to go through what doseages he should take that week and to support him. I would totally reccomend it.

www.mind.org.uk/

I don't know how long you have been on them but DP has been for 4 years.

MrGin · 24/04/2012 14:47

MrGin most people have told the op to say sorry and respect his decision

Yep, and the rest. Here are some highlights from the thread.

Is he insecure in general

is it really worth the bother, / my thoughts exactly, Fanny.

?. quite simply you are trying to make something work that just may not be possible.

I say move on ...don't bend over backwards to hold on to a relationship like this

maybe it's best if things don't drag on........?

Sometimes leaving someone can be the very best thing for you both

If you love him and this is a dealbreaker for him then you will have to respect him and let him go.

I appreciate that there is a lot of god support in this forum for people in terrible situations who need help and support to see there is hope and find a future for them away from an abusive partner. Or even to actually see there is abuse.

In this case the OP clearly states in her OP that she?s at fault in this scenario, she loves her bf and wants to make up. There is nothing at all to suggest her bf is in anyway a douchbag. Yet the OP is repeatedly recommended to leave him. Why is that ? I just find it bizzare.

izzyizin · 24/04/2012 15:05

In case you hadn't noticed, people can be bizarre MrGin and what they present on the surface may bear little relation to what is going on underneath.

As you've said, some need help to see that they are being abused and, IMO, in this case the OP needs help to see that promising to 'never leave' a man she hasn't known for very long may not be conducive to her emotional health and wellbeing.

My concern is that, as depression is frequently accompanied by feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth, the OP's intense feelings for this man may come do her more harm than good.

YNK · 24/04/2012 15:38

Mr Gin......yawn

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