why does he complain about the mess when it is tidy and how should I respond?

[MightyNice]

this is an ex (an off on off sort of ex) I have a child with
my house, it is small and chaotic compared to the giant empty Trust House Forte style mausoleum he inhabits

but anyway have realised that the few occasions that he starts ranting about how messy I am (IN MY OWN HOUSE) are always preceded by some sort of blitz so actually it is by my and the house's usual standards very tidy - when it is at its worst we can all stand around smiling about how hopeless I am

I never know what to do/say, only have two settings - meek and apologetic or trying to stab him in the neck with scissors. Usually I try to organise things as far as possible in such a way as to avoid him coming in to the house at all.

Eh, it's none of his business. Tell him to button it, you don't want to hear!

I have stopped inviting people up (I live on first and second floor) who are always saying my house is messy or making jokes - I leave them on the street. I don't care if they don't get the message - rudeness about someone else's house is unacceptable.

I'd tell him to take his sticky beak elsewhere, that it's your house and if he doesn't like it, don't come in.

I would stop, get on the phone to a hotel and ask him to hand his credit card over EVERY time he says idiot comments like this

Tell him if it bothers him that much and he wishes to pay for a cleaner for you then he's more than welcome. Otherwise, tell him to fuck off.

On off on off sort of ex ?

If you're still snagging him then tell him not to be such a do knead

If you're not tell him he's not coming in and stand on your dirty doorstep on handovers

tell him to eff off and mind his own business

Do knead was errr nob head or dick head I've forgotten which

He sounds awful and personally I just wouldn't let him in. That would be a good middle ground between 'walk all over me' meek and stabbing

Grow a pair OP.

Stab him in the neck with the scissors and rid the world of the pathetic cunt? Or just not let him in - you wont to to prison for that one

"Do you know Freud said an obsession with tidiness means you're fixated at the anal stage of development? Which is quite right because you really are an arsehole"...

a pair of scissors labootin?

you all speak wise words

just wondered why he waits until it is tidy to complain about the mess, although he doesn't come out and say 'it is messy' it's more 'why is this here, why has that been left there?' sort of thing

Okay make him a firm ex, and don't let him in your house again. Collection of kids can be from the door step, or preferably the end of the path.

just wondered why he

What does it matter why he does anything? It's irrelevant, he's your ex.Stop giving him power by caring!

you are right

filing it all under A for Anomalies That Don't Concern Me

I'm in favour of telling him to royally "Do One". Making him your permanent ex. Why on earth are you complicating matters.

He stands at the door to collect.

Must be bloody confusing for your child

'why is this here, why has that been left there?'

"Why are you asking? Do you think this is YOUR house or something?"

or

"Because this is my house and I put things where I like"

"'why is this here, why has that been left there?"

"OMG you're right. Someone's left a whining man-shaped steaming pile of shit standing in my hall way!!!!"

I don't know why he says it when the house is tidy.

Perhaps he likes you being the messy one really as he likes you in that role?

Perhaps it makes him feel superior?

Or he feels threatened by you suddenly becoming tidy?

Perhaps he thinks you'll not need him anymore?

Anyway he sounds like a twat so why are you on and off with him?

Don't invite him into your house, its none of his business.

If you do and he makes a comment tell him to feck off!

when it is at its worst we can all stand around smiling about how hopeless I am

My house often gives a good impression of being the local tip but there's never a time when I can't sit down and despair smile about how hopeless I am

He's ^an off on off sort of ex? Adjust the setting to 'off' and save on your personal fuel bill.

If ANYONE ever so much as said anything like what you describe about my house, they would NEVER set foot in it again.

Why he waits... ? Because he knows you and he knows it's a sore point. The big advantage/disadvantage of getting close to someone for a while is that you know exactly what riles them. You can push the buttons. The 'dog whistle' effect of what sounds like an innocent remark to an outsider but is guaranteedscissor-stab material to the person it's aimed at. As everyone says, don't give him the opportunity to do it or the satisfaction of a reaction.

maybe because messy house says, 'i don't give a shit so there' and tidied, had a blitz house says i'm paranoid and touchy about how my life looks to others right now so stick the boot in quick?

i'm loving 'personal fuel bill' izzy

"OMG you're right. Someone's left a whining man-shaped steaming pile of shit standing in my hall way!!!!"

Cogito that's the funniest thing I've heard all day. OP please say it...then report back