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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ive done it

50 replies

ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 21:03

I have picked up a courage to call the police as get him charged for assult.
On wednesday i was inches away of being strungled.
As much as I still feel guilty I cant live like that anymore
I am on my own and mentally exhausted but hopefully will manage

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 21:05

well done x

where is this pathetic specimen now ?

izzyizin · 20/04/2012 21:05

Well done - annd you know it was the right and only thing you could have done.

You will manage, honey, and you're not alone - you'll always have friends here.

rhibutterfly · 20/04/2012 21:06

well done, your so brave, that was the hardest part, admitting this was happening and wrong, stay strong xxxx

BikeRunSki · 20/04/2012 21:08

Brilliant. You are amazing, you know that this is the best thing you have ever done. I

What have you got to feel guilty about?

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 21:12

I have no idea where he is as his bail conditions dont allow to contact me
I feel guilty as I know he has virtually no money
No clothes and nowhere to stay but as I said either me or him

OP posts:
keepingupwiththejoneses · 20/04/2012 21:14

Well done you, a great fist step and foundation for your new, better life.

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 21:15

don't feel guilty, when he chose to strangle you, he cancelled any right to your good will

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 21:17

i have no idea what to do with his staff
any ideas?
dont say bin it as i paid for all of his clothes as he wasnt woring as per alcohol abuse

OP posts:
Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 21:18

Im thinking about just putting it in black bags in a garage maybe

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 21:18

drop it at a friends house

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 21:20

he has no friends around we moved recently and he never made any pals

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 21:24

Just leave it then, it's not really a priority right now

Summer is coming, he can manage

oikopolis · 20/04/2012 21:25

well done you wonderful woman!!!! how brave you've been!

could you perhaps ring the police and ask them whether you can't leave his stuff with someone who would see him as part of his bail conditions?

even if you can't, they might have other ideas for you.

izzyizin · 20/04/2012 21:28

The clothes you bought for him belong to you - any chance you can sell a few or give them to a more deserving cause?

For the rest of his stuff, which I guess will comprise a few dozen empty cans and bottles and a toothbrush, black bags will do fine - as will any old garage or skip Grin

Have the police arranged for you to be put in touch with a dv counsellor/support worker? His bail conditions won't last forever and you may be best advised to apply for Occupation and Non-Molestation Orders.

Please know that there's absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty, honey - he's the guilty one and I hope he does the decent thing and pleads guilty to assaulting you.

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 21:39

He already plead not guity. I spoke to police domestic violence advisor -she was quite good -put things in perspective a bit
I went to a chemist to pick up my sons medication that he said he ordered from a docs surgery-turned out he never been to surgery and the money I gave him for travel drunk-my son is months old and I have ordered prescription but have to wait till monday to be issued-god that hurt
Booze more important than infant

OP posts:
Nobhead · 20/04/2012 21:44

Just been back and read some of your older threads- congratulations OP you have just made yours and DC's life so much better. You may feel like 5 kinds of shite now but you have absolutely done the very best for you and DC. Don't feel guilty- he made his choice when he decided to try and strangle you- he can now spend all his time with the only thing he cares about- alcohol. Not got much practical advice sorry but listen to what others on here tell you- many have been thorugh what you are going through now and have come out the other side happy and have given themselves and their kids a better life away from those who have abused them.

izzyizin · 20/04/2012 21:47

Jeez, what an absolute out and out arsehole. That is despicable. It's poetic justice that, in the absence of any pals in the area, he's going to be a down and out arsehole.

What guarantee do you have that he won't contact you or fetch up on your doorstep? What measures have the police put in place to keep you safe?

wurper · 20/04/2012 21:51

Well done, dont feel guilty. Dobody should be treated like that. Keep safe, and dont relent. If you are in fear, speak to the DV officer, dependng where you live there maybe additional practical things they can do to help you feel safer in your own home.... dont relent!

Lueji · 20/04/2012 21:52

You are well rid.

Charity shop? He might be able to buy them back.

Or eBay.

Don't feel guilty. His actions led to his current status.

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 22:03

I have to call the police any time he makes any contact with me-and theyll arrest him-hes not even allowed to text me or email, not allowed at this address.I have doors looked and the handle supported by a chair as i have no idea if he has keys or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 22:04

Ive slept 2 hours in past 48 hours and my neck is really tender but appart from that I am keeping ok

OP posts:
izzyizin · 20/04/2012 22:08

The police can arrange for your locks to be changed - do you have the number for the dv counsellor you saw?

The problem with drunks is that they tread the well-trodden path when they're under the influence. If he should turn up, please don't try to engage him in conversation - just call 999 straightaway, and don't hesitate to call if you suspect that he's lurking outside or sleeping it off on your doorstep.

izzyizin · 20/04/2012 22:10

Have you been seen by a doctor/hospital? Keep your neck warm with a hot water bottle or a couple of scarves - or one of those microwave heat pads if you have one.

Original poster
ojojoj1 · 20/04/2012 22:13

I have not been to doc I tried to keep as normal as possible- even managed to go to work today.
I will find a hot water bottle thanks izzyizin

OP posts:
Mealiepudding · 20/04/2012 22:35

I don't really have anything helpful to say, but just want to add my support and sympathy as I've been where you are now.

Well done for taking this step - I know how difficult it is to break free.