ive done it

[ojojoj1]

I have picked up a courage to call the police as get him charged for assult.
On wednesday i was inches away of being strungled.
As much as I still feel guilty I cant live like that anymore
I am on my own and mentally exhausted but hopefully will manage

The police should have arranged for you to be seen by a doctor and for any visible bruises to be photographed. Do you have any bruising on your neck?

Just wanted to say well done, you have taken the biggest step towards freedom.

Stay strong now, put his stuff into black bags, contact Women's Aid if you haven't already, and get yourself checked by a doctor. Now's the time to take care of you.

You are very brave, and stronger than you think.

Ive no bruising on my neck or any other signs just really sore-he used to be in an army so he knows how to inflict pain without evidence.
I slept with one eye open and than the tv turned on itself and that really freaked the hell out of me

Well done.
Def report any contacts from him - he has conditions now, so if he breaches them it shows he is higher risk...
Who have you got around you to talk to? Sleeping with one eye open is hyper vigilance...
Safety first schemes for the door.
I'd pack his stuff up, to get it out of your space. Pack it up and rearrange your own home, now that he is out of it. Ring the police to ask what to do with his stuff. They may take it from you.

Well done O, big hugs xx

I imagine that you jumped out of your skin when the tv came on - hope it wasn't tuned to the channel that was showing Halloween part umpteen in the early hours

How are you feeling today? Do you have dc to care for?

On a more practical level; have you made a statement to the police and are you expecting them to viist/contact you again?

What about the dv counsellor? Is she available to you 24/7?

I was ok today -business as usual-shopping and looking after kids ( I have 2 -baby and a 5 year old) untill i got a call from someone i never heard of saying they are a friend of my ex and that I met him a few time before-i do not recollect meeting any frends of his- i could hear from a voice that he was drunk so it really shook me thats the way hes trying to avoid bail conditions.
I have no one around to talk to-as we moved not long time ago and he kept me isolated -whenever i spoke to anybody he would make me feel like a stupid cow-always
As to telly It was some program but i was on the edge as it is.
Looking forward to a nice day off tomorrow as I dont have to do anything-no plans and no necessities.
I have made a statement to the police on the day of the incident but his case is not untill september- i know its crazy but thats how it is.
I never took the number of DV police officer.dont want to bore poor woman with my problems

When this 'friend' called you, what did he want?

he called me about 1 hour ago I dont know what he wanted - I didnt speak to him-just told him I dont know him and ask him not to call me again

all this drunks are very dodgy

Well done for going to the police. They should be arranging for your locks to be changed just in case he's got a set. Where I am (Oxon) this is done without charge. If you get any more calls from friends of his perhaps report them to the police. His bail should stipulate that he's not allowed to contact you directly or indirectly and that includes getting friends to call you.

ojojo that sounds like an attempt at indirect contact to me....phonecall to your local CSU I expect......ring them up to let them know and give them your name and DOB and they will be able to a) note this event and b) give your crime ref no. You need that at home by the phone and in your purse so you can quote it and officers can easily see what's going on with you.

It is important to do this to build them a picture. If your ex has asked someone else to ring you and check up / try and get you back, this is a breach of his conditions and shows that he is sincere in wanting to keep hold of you.

Meanwhile what's the security like on your house? Front and back doors and windows?

So thats stuff to do with him...

What about you? Is there a local children's centre to you? Can you get out and about there? What about nattering with the other Mums and your neighbours and so on now? You are free, remember that!

And ringing your DV worker will not bore her at all, it is important that you keep her aware of how you are coping and it is important to you that you have someone to tell the whole truth to now, because its about keeping you safe.

Well done x x x Have a lovely day off tomorrow. Can you cook something nice and chill out and have a good think and a bit of space and peace at last? Play with the kids?

Tell the police.

And stay strong, you're doing a fantastic job. Remember: you're reacting to his unacceptable behaviour - It's his fault this is happening.

Do tell the police about his phonecall.

And 999 if he ever shows up.

Btw, I was advised by police to go to the doctor.
Even fi a stiff neck.

At a&e or forensics they should be able to spot underskin bruising with uv light.

In any case I suspect pressure bruises will start being apparent in a few days and you could show them to the police or dv officer.

You want as much evidence as possible.

Saying well done seems a bit light but I think you know what I mean.

I'm sure his bail conditions will state not to contact you directly or indirectly do do contact the police, they will just need another quick statement from you and they will arrest him again for breach of bail conditions. Do contact the dv officer as they are there to help and support you.
Have they offered you a panic alarm? This is an alarm direct to the police. It can be done, yes it costs the police but sounds like you need it.

Can you swap the front door lock with back door in the interim?

Please listen ojo and believe what the ones who have been here are telling you.

Esp about UV bruising, and locks, and reporting all dodgy phone calls. Please.

ojojo1 Well done!!
i've been so worried about you since your posts around easter, i kept looking out for you on here to see if you were ok.

Listen to all the advice you are getting on here and take heed

i'll check on you later to see how you are. :)

Un update n yesterday- the pal turned out outside my door -he turned out to be total junkie looking for his staff- i closed the door and locked it- ive seen my ex passing my window-that freaked me out like crazy- i was shaking- called the police they arrived and said that he called the same time to police to say i stolen his clothes-police arrived to tell me his bail is not to enter this house number not street so he didnt breach. I have said that he can ask someone respectable to pick his staff up. Police said he wants to see the kids and im really uncomfortable about it- my girl is traumatised as it is.
found his keyes in one of the jackets so had more peaceful sleep.
Police told me he is staying in temp accomodation and will be rehiused later- i couldnt believe it- when i called council to see where i can move so there is no danger they offered me the roughest part and he the abuser will have a brand new flat paid for.I dont know how it is that some of us struggle and the pieces of shit like him always land on 4 feet.

Don't feel bad about it, the important thing is to be safe.

As for contact, personally I'd start arranging for sole parental responsibility and supervised contact at best.

I'd allow phone contact, supervised by you.

It's not only you that need to be protected.

With ex I initially allowed contact in public places, but he still managed to assault me, so it ended up being in front of the police station or through the window. (although the initial reason was that he included DS on the threats and has always said that he would take DS).

Contact with your children should be in a supervised contact centre. Take advice from professionals and do not agree to anything you are not 100% happy with.

Keep getting a formal record of all the shit he is doing, and will probably continue to do until he realises you are not going to be terrorised by him.

Hi ladies a quick update for you

Its been a week since I am on my own, I have seen him to pick his stuff up that i left in the hall, he texted me 3 times- once saying he still loves me, 2nd time asking for money as he didnt eat for days-that made me reallt guilty - I felt like crap and 3d time asking for money for interview
I text him back each time asking not to contact me
I descovered he got a crsises loan for 86 quid so couldnt be starving,
I found an emergency childcare for a week-cost me more than I earned but at least I survived
I found that strangers can be really generous-I never got anything from my ex but grief and low self-esteem
So this week I am going away for a few days, than my family will come to help me for a week and than I will take it from there.
I have appointment with WA to see what option i should take
I still crap myself when door bangs outside but at least i dont have to worry when ill be robbed next.
Thanks girls

Aw honey, I'm sure I'm speaking for everyone in saying that no thanks are due and you're welcome.

As this board regularly demonstrates, the kindness of strangers can be a bright beacon of hope and a portent of better times to come - and better times will very definintely be coming your way soon.

Stay strong, don't let him guilt trip you, and your self-esteem will pick itself up and rise to the stratosphere.

Re WA; I would suggest you ask to be referred to a solicitor who has experience of dv cases and who'll apply for a non-molestation Order which will prohibit him from coming within a set distance of you/your home.

Btw, it's obvious that you're a resourceful woman but when you're talking to dv counsellors, solicitors, police, and the like, please don't be tempted to minimise what he's done to you and the efffect he's had on your dc for fear of boring the listener - these people are there to help you and that's what they're paid for

Ah, the love messages before asking for favours. :o

Glad things are getting better for you. :)
There may be occasional downs, but it will be always improving.
People in general are better than we (the abusive twats, really) give them credit for.

Stay well and strong.

Ah, and don't be afraid of the "victim" label.

You are his victim, it's not a dirty word. So don't play strong. Tell things as they were and how they made you feel, as pp said above.