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Original poster

Men who don't like oral.

50 replies

toptramp · 17/04/2012 21:07

If the lady garden is in good and hygenic condition.Are they selfish? I have met a guy who has hinted he dosn't like it. We havn't been together yet and he is hot etc. We had a two hour phone conversation the other night and we get on really well. How can I get past my feeling that men who don't do oral are selfish lovers?
It's not the be all and end all for me but it's the best thing ever and my ideal lover would do it.

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 17/04/2012 21:23

I'm assuming he hates the idea of you giving him a blow-job then? Hmm

SarahStratton · 17/04/2012 21:25

Good sex is where both partners are happy doing whatever it is they are doing.

Bad sex is where one partner is not happy doing something but does it anyway.

It is not selfish to not want to do something. It is selfish to expect someone to do something.

Becky36 · 17/04/2012 21:26

I am with you all the way here!!

Just wondering if he has also hinted that he doesn't like blow jobs either? Probably not.

If he's a nice guy then it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but only you know what you are prepared to give up. If he really doesn't like it and you have a relationship with him then it's likely that he won't want to do it. And if he does do it then you will be wondering if he is just doing it to keep you happy IYSWIM.

Ilovehimtoo · 17/04/2012 21:28

What did he say?

JazzyButtons · 17/04/2012 21:29

I dont like giving blowjobs, I try and avoid it if possible, but it means that I dont expect oral back, even though its the most failsafe method of me orgasming.

Id rather not do either than give a blowjob.

TooEasilyTempted · 17/04/2012 22:14

What if he thought women that don't do anal are selfish lovers 'cos for him it's the best thing ever? If you really didn't like it and didn't want to do it would that make you selfish?

What exactly did he say?

I just think it's more a case of you not being sexually compatible.

mummakaz · 17/04/2012 22:36

IMO it's not selfish, the person making them to do something they don't like doing is selfish. Personally I couldn't enjoy it knowing they're hating every minute of it (not saying you would get him to do it btw)

If it's the best thing ever for you then I would look for someone else imo. I agree it sounds like you are not sexually campatible

blapbird · 17/04/2012 22:44

My DP used to give me os all the time but alas those days are gone Sad so now I just please myself when he isn't in, I feel like my sex life is more exciting on my own than with him, as for EVERY other area of our relationship it's perfect.
Might not work for others but I am quite happy.

Jolyonsmummy · 17/04/2012 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKissIsNotAContract · 17/04/2012 22:50

I would dump someone who wouldn't give oral. I don't care if that makes me selfish. Sexual compatibility is important to me.

niceguy2 · 17/04/2012 22:52

I guess the question can easily be flipped around. If a man is clean and well trimmed, is a woman a selfish lover for refusing to give a blowjob?

For me I was put off greatly when I was a teenager with an (ex)GF of mine who had a rather smelly fanny. For many many MANY years after that, I couldn't bring myself to do oral sex on a woman. Does that make me a selfish lover?

sternface · 17/04/2012 22:54

I was going to complete your thread title with the words...'should be dumped'.

But you haven't even seen him yet.

Why would you bother 'getting past' this then? You're not desperate are you?

dreamingbohemian · 17/04/2012 22:54

I don't think he's selfish, anymore than a woman who doesn't do blow jobs is selfish.

A selfish lover is someone who doesn't care about giving his partner pleasure at all.

He may be amazing in every other aspect. Oooh the suspense! Smile

bibbitybobbitybunny · 17/04/2012 22:58

Am very curious as to what sort of conversation you could have had - when you haven't even had a shag yet - where this has come up.

If its important to you ... then find someone else.

AKissIsNotAContract · 17/04/2012 23:25

Niceguy: yes I think it does. The first guy I sucked off had a cheesy helmet but I didn't hold it against the rest of mankind.

blapbird · 17/04/2012 23:36

Niceguy Yes I think it does too, the first guy I sucked off had a weeping Japs eye that smelled like rotten fish or weeping pus

That didn't stop me from pleasuring my perfectly clean and gorgeous future DP at Christmas and on his birthday or if I've spent the rent money on clothes Grin

workshy · 17/04/2012 23:38

2 hour conversation, you aren't seeing him but you have discussed oral???

well now I know where I'm going wrong with the internet dating Hmm

lol

mrscynical · 17/04/2012 23:57

Well barring soap-dodgers, I think that in private doing anything for a lover which gives pleasure to that person is a turn-on in itself. This of course should work the other way round as well.

If a man told me he would not fellate or did not want a BJ I would assume he was not a sexual being so would move on. I want someone to adore (and who would adore me) sexually as well as emotionally. The two go hand in hand in my book.

Of course each to their own and I appreciate that many men and women are not really that bothered and/or lack communication skills.

solidgoldbrass · 18/04/2012 00:03

It isn't necessarily a bad sign, but it could be an indication of dislike for women or sexual dysfunction of some kind. or just of someone who is very, very fastidious and won't have sex of any kind unless the bedroom is spotless, you've both been scrubbed down with bleach and there's buckets of wetwipes and breath spray all around the bed. Which isn;t wrong either but needs a partner who has simiar inclinations, as do most things.

AnyFucker · 18/04/2012 00:07

I seriously regret peeping at this thread !!!!!!!!!!

< throws cheese toastie I made for my supper straight in the bin >

fallenangle · 18/04/2012 00:08

It sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse if oral sex has been hinted at before you have even kissed him. What has happened to romance?

Teeb · 18/04/2012 00:29

No, it doesn't make him selfish. It might make you incompatible though.

No one should feel pressured into performing sexual acts on someone that they aren't comfortable with.

XenaWP · 18/04/2012 00:36

Ahh, I didn't realise how much I've missed MN til I saw this thread... I think you want someone who makes you feel desired and desirable. If they have an issue with os or positions or orifices (!) and it's something that you particularly like, then a problem would be if it couldn't even be discussed. If someone's had a bad (smelly, cheesy, ....) experience, then fair enough - it's enough to put you off - but if they're not prepared to see that you're not the stinky person, you're the lovely fragrant one, with the very enticing (fill in the blank) and have a go at meeting you half way (whatever the hell that may mean in the circumstances) - then you do have incompatibility - and that's no fun.

XenaWP · 18/04/2012 00:37

pmsl at cheese toastie...

MissCeliaFoote · 18/04/2012 01:08

I don't think this question can just be 'switched around' as in - 'is a woman a selfish lover if she doesn't give her man a blow job?'. Because although I personally do give my boyfriend blow jobs all the time, or at least make it part of oral sex, that is just ONE of the ways that he can orgasm. However I very rarely orgasm except when a man goes down on me. A man will almost orgasm during penetrative sex whereas the figures are much lower for women.
Also, I personally like to think that someone having sex with me enjoys a woman's body and appreciates every part of me. I do need oral sex to be part of my relationship - to be refused oral would feel like a huge rejection.
Of course it all depends how you orgasm. If you're a woman who can come easily during penetrative sex it doesn't matter if your bloke is selfish in some sexual ways, but personally I need more than that.