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Relationships

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Original poster

Men who don't like oral.

50 replies

toptramp · 17/04/2012 21:07

If the lady garden is in good and hygenic condition.Are they selfish? I have met a guy who has hinted he dosn't like it. We havn't been together yet and he is hot etc. We had a two hour phone conversation the other night and we get on really well. How can I get past my feeling that men who don't do oral are selfish lovers?
It's not the be all and end all for me but it's the best thing ever and my ideal lover would do it.

OP posts:

MsWeatherwax · 18/04/2012 06:42

I wouldn't bother, tell him to search for a woman who doesn't like receiving oral.

Adayforthinking · 18/04/2012 06:53

I'm the other way around, I hate giving BJs and have to say that in the 8 years I've been with my DH (married for 4), I can probably count on both hands the amount of time that I've done it. And I've always done it because I know he loves it, even though I hate it.

However, he would do it for me at every opportunity (if I let him...) because he loves it.

The sad thing is that I do feel selfish not reciprocating. But the difference is, he loves giving it and I don't.

Having read this thread maybe I shouldn't feel selfish?

Have to say though that it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me.

JustHecate · 18/04/2012 07:00

I don't think anyone should be made to do anything they don't like doing.

When I was first with my husband, he dutifully headed south and I stopped him. I hate it. It feels intrusive and just all kinds of crap I won't go into

If he had insisted, because he liked doing it, I would have been furious.

If he had made me do something to him that I hated doing, I would have been furious.

people shouldn't be made out to be villains if they don't like something.

Original poster

toptramp · 18/04/2012 08:36

You see I like giving aswell as recieving (better still both at the same time!) but it isn't a complete deal breaker. I don't think this guy can be a serious relationship anyway as he lives too far away but I could always give him a test drive and see what happens. I would never make someone do something thay hated; I wouldn't enjoy it either.

Trouble is I've been with some men who are great at oral but rubbish at lets say communication or being nice so I guess I can't have it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

toptramp · 18/04/2012 08:38

Also during the 2 hour conversation we didn't talk about sex at all but had a flirty text conversation afterwards.

OP posts:

AKissIsNotAContract · 18/04/2012 08:51

You can't have it all but you should be able to find a man you are compatible with sexually who is also good at communicating.

WaitingForMe · 18/04/2012 10:00

I don't think it's selfish but it would be a deal breaker for me. But then my ex was a fussy eater and I swore never again regarding that.

You need to be realistic when dating but I think you also have to be honest about what is important to you. DH hardly travelled prior to meeting me and it was an important question for him to answer whether that was due to disinterest or simply due to lack of opportunity. Assuming we had the funds I didn't want a life without foreign holidays.

MsOnatopp · 18/04/2012 10:09

Erm, I don't think it's selfish BUT I wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't want to try doing something for me even if it isn't what they would chose. In the same way there are some things that I wouldn't chose to do but I want my partner to enjoy their sex life too so I want to try these things for their pleasure. Does that make sense?

For example I am not a huge fan of a man finishing in my mouth after a BJ but if it was something that my partner really enjoyed then I would want to do that for them so they would enjoy the BJ more. I expect a partner to do the same kind of thing for me.

blapbird · 18/04/2012 20:31

The only guy I've ever had mind blowing/ consistently great sex with wasn't the nicest kindest man but he was very generous it used to turn us both on to give each other pleasure we went quite far out of our normal comfort zones to give each other satisfaction- there was a lot of trust there, in that way and he was on the same wavelength as me sexually but he wasn't the best life partner/ companion he didn't inspire me.
Sometimes I miss that kind of highly sexed life but the grass is always greener isn't it, my current DP and I have a happy time together and a love for each other I would rather have the latter I am only 27 and I do sometimes wonder if I am just settling for a friendship and maybe Ill look back and think I should have put my sexual needs first but it just doesn't seem wise, I don't know.

JaceyBee · 18/04/2012 22:13

'I would dump someone who wouldn't give oral. I don't care if that makes me selfish. Sexual compatibility is important to me.'

yes, me too sorry. guys who refuse lose!

fallenangle · 18/04/2012 23:55

JCB. I agree about compatability but the other way round " my DP says he will dump me if I won't suck his cock" would have the OP swamped in sympathetic posts about what a bastard he was. Still they haven't done anything except flirt so far so it will hardly be a dumping.

TheMistsOfAvalon · 19/04/2012 00:05

I think there's more to a healthy relationship than just oral sex. I think if the sum total of a relationship not progressing comes down to one partner not wanting to give blow jobs - and everything else sexually and emotionally etc is good, - then you should move on as you are, frankly selfish.

I don't think sexual compatibility is the same thing as getting it all your way all the time.

AKissIsNotAContract · 19/04/2012 07:35

'I don't think sexual compatibility is the same thing as getting it all your way all the time.'

Oral is the only way I can orgasm with a partner. I wouldn't be happy in a relationship where sex meant no orgasm for me, I know as I did try it and lasted about 6 months. It started to upset me that he knew I was getting nothing out of it and was happy to get his. If OP knows at this stage that oral is important to her then I think she should move on and find someone else.

kickingKcurlyC · 19/04/2012 07:51

waitingforme "Fussy eater"?
Is that slang?
Or did he really just not like forrin foods?

MissCeliaFoote · 19/04/2012 11:12

Yeah but fallen and TheMists, some women almost exclusively orgasm from oral sex. I find it very hard to orgasm during penetrative sex and only ever had an orgasm with a man when I started going out with my current DP who was the first person to go down on me. So now, I couldn't go back to not having oral if I was to have a healthy sex life, and might have to dump him. Do you see what I mean? Whereas I have never met a man who doesn't orgasm from penetrative but only can from oral.
Personally I really enjoy going down on a man, but if I didn't want to do it any more I like to think he'd still go down on me because he knows how important it is to me.

PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 11:16

I seem to be the opposite - I hate it when a man goes down on me. My last really wanted to do it and I didn't let him because I got nothing out of it. Loved going down on him, but got told I was selfish for not letting him go down on me....

MissCeliaFoote · 19/04/2012 11:29

That's really odd that he called you selfish for that, PillarBox! I know some men including my boyfriend get really turned on by going down on a woman but still, calling someone 'selfish' for not wanting to receive it is bizarre.

PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 11:33

In the context of the rest of his behaviour it's not

Really though....I never got it...makes me feel uncomfortable. So, when I am ready for a relationship again...maybe one of you can send someone my way!

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 19/04/2012 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully · 19/04/2012 11:38

I feel very very ill

MissCeliaFoote · 19/04/2012 11:48

OK Vivian I am going to be told off by Hully for this clearly! . Well OK, for me oral is enjoyable because it is pretty direct contact with the clitoris, which I don't get during penetrative sex. While I CAN orgasm during sex if my boyfriend touches me there, or with a vibrator, oral sex feels much more gentle and pleasurable. Secondly after an orgasm with oral sex, I am ready for a second orgasm almost straight away. I need to have direct contact with the clitoris to orgasm, and the nicest way for that to happen is oral. Also, it's great foreplay and makes me more ready for sex. I imagine that if you orgasm easily through penetrative sex alone, you don't feel the need for oral quite so much. That's my explanation anyway.
I am amazed you don't find it particularly pleasurable but different strokes for different folks... pun intended.
Sorry... but it is nearly Friday!

blapbird · 19/04/2012 11:53

Hully I never had you down as a prude

Hullygully · 19/04/2012 12:01

I don't mind that Celia

It's the references to unpleasantness that make me nauseous - the cheese etc.

blapbird · 19/04/2012 12:21

The reference to the cheese etc were a retorts to the mans comment about a 'smelly fanny' he once encountered

MissCeliaFoote · 19/04/2012 15:32

Oh I get it, sorry

For the record niceguy, I can see how that would have put you off.

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