How much affection do you show/receive from your OH?

[confidenceneeded]

Just realised that affection is pretty much non existent in our relationship. It isn't because i don't love/fancy dh, we have just somewhere along the line stopped being affectionate. For example, yesterday we had a peck on the lips when dh left for work, a peck on the lips when he got back and that was all. This is just as much my fault as his.
We do still have frequent sex but we definately need more intimacy. What do you do?

I think this is an area where people differ massively. My DP needs a lot more physical contact that I do - for example, I would be happy to sit side-by-side on the couch without touching for a long time, but he always takes my hand or puts his leg against mine or whatever. I like it but don't need it in the way that he does and don't initiate it as much as he does. He barely walks past me in the corridor without some sort of bumgrabbing touch. Loads of kisses and cuddles too. It really does make a difference - even if we're in a low-sex phase, it's a great way of making each other feel good, keeping that intimacy going and avoiding seeing each other as just part of the furniture!

I always thought I was very affectionate but DP is more so.
I love it as my ex was a cold hearted bastard the opposite.
I would be very upset if we lost that affection in the future and think that would probably spell the beginning of the end.

It really fluctuates here. Sometimes we are in our own caves as it were. If neither of us are in our cave we are hugging all the time though.

I noticed DH and I becoming this way about a year ago, we were having sex but not really cuddling etc in the day. I made a point of giving him a hug everyday when he gets in, and it's really nice, it's become part of our daily routine now. It's just a little thing, but if I am down or tired it really perks me up and makes me feel loved by him.

the other thing we do is watch tv together one night a week, under the blanket. I try to make dinner and tidy up early etc, so that we are not running about getting housework done that evening. I look forward to it every week, it's usually a Tuesday, I found Friday nights at home always get disrupted by other events.

Just introduce a few little hugs or kisses until they become habit.

Great replies, but makes me a bit sad too that all this is lacking in our relationship.
I am now on a drive to bring it all back. I remember lying on the settee watching telly and cuddling, but we've not done it for a long time. I think tonight is the night to start bringing it all back. DH look out!

Go for it confidenceneeded. Enjoy!

Have fun confidenceneeded! You just need to make an effort for about 2 weeks and then it becomes natural. We go through phases and I sometimes have to make a conscious effort to build it up again.

It is lovely once it is back.

Showing affection is not necessarily just about physical hugs/hand-holding. My dh is a sucker for any sort of massage - head/hand/neck. But I'm not terribly good at offering - he has to drop hints.
He on the other hand, however comfy he is watching TV, will always say "can I get you anything? Would you like a drink or something to eat?" It's usually the first thing he says when he gets in from work and I'm busy upstairs MNing. Before he starts cooking the dinner!

Pecks on lips when we are leaving for work, home from work etc.

A quick cuddle most days.

Dh gives me a lot of massages (I am crap at returning them, though).

mags Maybe you should apply a little PALFHK to your dh.

DH wouldnt understand PALFHK. It is too intense for him. He is a simple man. And anyway, I dont want to make him feel inadequate. His love could never measure up to PALFHK.

We're old gimmers,together over 40 years but still hold hands when sitting together.We also still snog enough to make our adult kids say ' FGS parents get a room' cheeks so and so's,we do it to wind them up.We spoon in bed and often wake up holding hands as well. Mx.

Fab encouragement thanks. I agree with you clam about doing nice things for each other. That counts so much too. I definately need to become more thoughtful and stop letting silly things get in the way.
I love the thought of your relationship maras2. I love how you hold hands in bed in your sleep.

We always wake up cuddling! Even now when I am quite pissed off with him, I still wake up cuddling him (damn subconscious!!)

I feel very guilty for not being affectionate with my partner. We seldom kiss, don't hold hands, and appear more like roommates than anything. In bed, we don't get close enough to even touch! Yes, we have sex, but when it's over, we move to our own side of the bed....

My Xh and I were super affectionate. We didn't leave each other without a kiss. We always, always hung on to hands, in fact if one was wanting a hand, they would kinds snap their fingers behind them.. and the other would casually slide up and grab hands... Always made me feel special... In bed, we always cuddled, touched, at the least our legs intertwined.

TOTALLY different than my current partner. Don't jump on me, but I believe it's because I haven't gotten over my Xh yet... even if I have been with partner now for 5 yrs. Maybe a part of me is afraid to love completely again... yet, a part of me doesn't want to treat partner the same as my Xh...

Anyhow... This is my life, and it works for me now.....

We are both very touchy feely, not so much a walking down the street holding hands type of thing, but always touching stroking.

Like maras, we have been together a long time (25+ years) We always have a kiss when he comes in from work, and various hugs/touches in passing when cooking etc, and hold hands walking down the street (not allowed when dcs with us!) It's so easy to let it slip though, if you're preoccupied or stressed but if you're not going to be nice to each other, who is?!

Lovey-dovey e-mails back and forth all day while working.

Kiss whenever he leaves a room I'm in.

Hugs at least twice daily.

Hand-holding to arm round me when outdoors.

However, in bed we are very seperate as I can't stand people touching me when I'm sleeping/trying to sleep. I like my bed-space.

I agree that texts throughout the day build up the affection and so do little gestures like making each other a or a snack or sharing precious chocolate.

Stroking his arm when he passes in the kitchen, stuff like that also builds up the connection.

Yeah OP get cracking sounds like a great new campaign----the cuddle campaign!!!!

Me and DH are really affectionate and it makes me feel lovely but he is RUBBISH at any flirting or sexy comments. We're actually seeing a sex therapist at the mo and its been our homework for the week for him to practise some sexy/attractive talk commentary. He explained in the last session that its like a total foreign language to him and he feels a tosser when he tries. Sex therapy managed a great breakthrough on some minor PDAs so I'm hoping there might be a way forward with the flirting :-)

BONNE CHANCE OP. practice practise practice :-)

We cuddle a lot when we meet in the morning (kitchen etc) and in the evening, when DP gets home from work. And when we meet in the hall etc. And we usually cuddle up on the sofa in the evening. DD also gets into bed with us and we have three-way cuddles. Sometimes three-way kisses. We like cuddling!

We went thru a drought of non-affection for a few years and then found each other again. Now he bring me tea and the paper in bed each morning, we kiss and hug if we pass, hold hands when out and about, we email and text about stuff in the day and always put kisses on - as others have said, to restart feels a bit artificial but then becomes a good, reassuring, warm lovely habit

Oh yes, DP brings me a coffee in bed and runs my bath in the morning and we send each other plenty of emails all day long with kisses and hugs and I love yous all over the place (even when just business emails).

"often wake up holding hands as well"

CUTE! :)

DH and I are nowhere near some of you guys, but we do kiss and cuddle regularly.

I'm pg and sometimes go through "don't touch me!" phases, but we definitely feel closer when we have more hugs.

It's worth making the effort. Best of luck, OP :)

My exH was very distant...said 'I love you' about 3 times in 15 years and two of those were after I ended it. He was a stickler for the peck goodbye and on returning home, but apart from that didn't touch me unless he wanted sex

DP and I are a different matter entirely. We never sit without touching and are always cuddled up in bed and would be even if I wasn't like an iceberg while he is warm as toast

If we go out for the evening, we have to keep the PDAs under control so I'm always flinging myself at him as soon as we get in the door!