I'm going to start an affair.

[ineedhelp1]

I've name changed.
I adore my husband, he's perfect. We've just been away for the weekend and he's so kind and carung.
I can't give him children. I thought I was dealing with this well but I've had issues recently and I know I'm in free fall. I can feel myself losing my grip. My good friends and dh have supported me throughout. I've lost weight but hate my body now.
An old friend contacted me asking if I was ok. I told him what was happening. He said to come round. I know what he neans. I don't want to hurt my wonderful dh but I can't stop myself.
I can see all the reasons but cant stop.
Please help

Op, I was in your situation a few years ago. I did everything I could, short of an affair, to push my DH away. I really don't know how he put up with me. When I finally sat down and talked things through with him he made it clear that he married me for me and not my ability to have children. I had to grieve the loss of the children I would never have. We now have two beautiful children, both of whom are adopted. They are the best thing that have ever happened to me. Adoption, for me, was not a second choice but a second chance to be a mother and I grabbed it with both hands. I know it is not for everyone but I just want you to know that there are other options out there when you are able to look for them.

Thank you all for seeing me through this. I haven't met up with him. I have spoken to dh. I didn't tell him what I had planned as it would destroy him, but I did say about how i had let him down etc etc. He said that he wanted me for me, he wanted me to be happy, that he was scared of what I would do next. He said that he is there to help me and listen but I have tp want to help myself so he has made us a drs appointment so I can tell dr how i feel. It's not til the 26th so he has booked time off in the meantime and we have planned things in the next week to keep me going and to focus on.
Thank you all for listening, for not judging me too much. And for giving me stories to give me hope. I feel very embarrassed and ashamed of myself today.

oh, please don't feel embarassed

we have all had low moments such as this in our life...when we feel so bad the only thing we can think to do is sabotage our happiness even more

when I read your title, I was ready to come in all guns blazing (as I normally would), then I listened to your hurt and desperation

listen your H, he is scared for you...don't let your hurt and sadness ruin a great marriage x

you dear woman, take good care of yourself. and let others take care of you too. you're worth that, and more

There is always hope! I have one blocked tube connected to an ovary severely damaged by removal of a 4-inch cyst. I also have endometriosis and very severe scarring from surgery.

I'm sat here cuddling my 3 month old miracle baby.

I've been in your shoes and you're not shit, not a failure and you are exactly what your DH needs. Forget the OM, it's not the answer.

What a more positive, happier posting, looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel with your lovely DH and not with that NOBBY chancer Good on you, hope the dr is supportive xx

Pleased to read your latest post. You needn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. Come back if you need to talk more and if this so called friend calls you up when you're vulnerable.

Don't be too hard on yourself...in the scheme of things, you gave fleeting thought to doing something because you're in pain. You didn't do anything. You didn't get as far as meeting him. You probably didn't want to, and you posted here for help. Take care of yourself.

I was fully prepared to return to a post with you telling us all to fuck off

I'm so glad to read that you have spoken to your husband, you must feel very loved!

Please promise to come back if your friend wants to persuade you to meet again.

Concentrate on the love and happines you have now, you have nothing to be ashamed or embarassed about

Just think, if you have inspired love in such a delightful man as your DH (and he does sound like a star), you must have something pretty good about you. Maybe you can't see it from your perspective but he is wise and he can see it. Trust him.

Thanks all, you have all been so supportive. It's just such a relief to havehad people I can talk to completly truthfully without worrying about how they'll view me.
I can't believe how close I was to ruining everything, I need to accept that the urge is not their for sex, its just to ruin things. You've made me see that and thank you, I need to hold on to it. I'm snuggled up in my Jim jams watching silent witness with my dh. It is a good thing and I need to hold on to that. X

Ah that's great ineedhelp1

I feel all warm and fuzzy now

I forgot silent witness was on tonight, thank god for sky+

I have warm and loving feelings for MN now, SEE, SEE, THIS is what it is all about!

You enjoy your snuggle and I wish you both lots of good luck what ever happens in the future x

This ^ is exactly what makes all the weird phases MN seems to go through completely insignificant.

So so pleased you got through this op.

It's a horrible situation it really is but you have to pull together and help each other through it.

You've got loads of great success stories to go from here from adoption to conception against the odds. If you want to be a mother you will be, whatever path you take.

(Personally after 4 years ttc it was discovered I have a blocked tube, massive ovarian cyst and cervical scarring. Whilst on the waiting list for surgery as a last ditch attempt after lots of unsuccessful procedures ds was conceived!)

Give your dh massive squeeze and just for tonight think of nothing else but you two xx

So glad you're feeling more optimistic.

So glad you are feeling better.

I want to thank you for posting this thread as you have helped me so so much without me even realising I needed it.

Just read this, you know, you two have something so special and thats a deep and understanding love - i feel quite emotional reading about it. So glad you didnt punish yourself by getting entrapped by that vulture, because that is what he is - you dont need anymore of those in your life. I wish you all the best for the future, whatever it holds - oh and btw, i shouldnt be here, my mum was categorically told she would never have children. Miracles do happen - and if adoption is your miracle, then you will pass all that love to a very lucky child indeed xxx

That twunt smelled blood in the water, he flicked his tail and his fin surfaced. What a.... He is a complete PREDATOR! It is just so sad that there are people like that in this world, so uncaring and using.

Ineedhelp, I am going to tell you to do something strange. And that is, tell your H. Tell him that 'Terry/arsewipe' has suggested a meetup twice, and tell him that you thought about doing it - for all the reasons you say here: that you are shit, a failure, have let him down, want to be wanted. I am sure you would cry bitterly when you did, and I am sure that you would ask him to hold you when you cried.

There would be no secrets between you, it would absolutely shit on arsewipe's secret fantasy parade, and he would know how terrible you feel. Sometimes we must tell who we really are, for true intimacy. That is what I have learned in this world ):

Thanks all, it really feels like I have a supportive group of loveliness around me. Thank you so much. I'm feeling a bit better today. My job is stressy but keeps my mind off things so that's good. Dh said I should tell Dr about abuse etc but i don't want to as i am fed up of having to go through it again and it being a part of me. I wish I didn't have issues sometimes. I can't tell dh about what nearly happened as it would upset him so much. He always worries I will do that, especially now I have lost weight (cos he hasn't lost much so tjinks I would want someone "better") I just wouldn't want to set him off fretting, which makes me feel even worse for contemplating it. Thank you all so much x

Take care, lovely, and you know MN is always here x

Excellent, now book yourself a wonderful romantic holiday and work on that bond and strengthening it. The more memories you make together the harder it is to break themxxxx

Sorry saw your thread too late.hope you have sought some help through your GP.
Just wanted to let you know, I had an affair twelve years ago which resolved nothing...left a trail of regret, guilt and sadness. You do not need the extra complications in life..

Phew! Crisis averted.

You know it makes sense. You deserve all the luck in the world op, good on you for being so honest here and for listening to the great advice.

Your DH sounds totes amazeballs.