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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm going to start an affair.

75 replies

ineedhelp1 · 15/04/2012 22:06

I've name changed.
I adore my husband, he's perfect. We've just been away for the weekend and he's so kind and carung.
I can't give him children. I thought I was dealing with this well but I've had issues recently and I know I'm in free fall. I can feel myself losing my grip. My good friends and dh have supported me throughout. I've lost weight but hate my body now.
An old friend contacted me asking if I was ok. I told him what was happening. He said to come round. I know what he neans. I don't want to hurt my wonderful dh but I can't stop myself.
I can see all the reasons but cant stop.
Please help

OP posts:
DinahMoHum · 15/04/2012 22:52

you can stop yourself. Just dont go. You are in control of your actions

AnyFucker · 15/04/2012 22:52

he is right, you know Sad

AnyFucker · 15/04/2012 22:53

cease all contact with this OM

do it now

delete all contact with him, whatever form it takes

Original poster
ineedhelp1 · 15/04/2012 22:55

I only have one ovary and I'm scarred like anytging cos I was abused when I was little. Won't give ivf and said high risk If we paid ourselves. And we both said didn't want to put ourselves through the trauma.

OP posts:
Original poster
ineedhelp1 · 15/04/2012 22:57

I know he is. He's so lovely, I don't know why id wabt to hurt him. I begged him not to go to work today, to stay with me but he had to.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 15/04/2012 22:59

Ineedhelp, this man is NOT your friend. He is preying on your vulnerability. He wants a shag and he doesn't care a jot that this will destroy you. He only wants to use you.

You are fragile enough at the minute. Get yourself some real help to deal with this very trying time in your life. And defriend this scumbag.

izzyizin · 15/04/2012 23:06

O honey, here's a big (((hug))).

Please do what AF suggests; delete this man's contact details and put all thoughts of him out of your head.

And when you've done that, I want you to trust me... I know that children are going to come into your life and that you and your dh will be wonderful parents.

I'm never wrong about these matters and I promise you that you are going to be a mum in the not too distant future.

unfloopy · 15/04/2012 23:08

I only have one ovary and I'm scarred like anytging cos I was abused when I was little

This is alot to attempt to come to terms with, and I guess makes a difficult situation even worse.

You deserve some external support, not from this so-called-friend. Someone who can help boost your self esteem, deal with anger, resentment and sadness in a productive way. Please get a counsellor.

AnyFucker · 15/04/2012 23:08

OP, how old are you and DH ?

I am so sorry to hear of the abuse you suffered in your childhood

Shakey1500 · 15/04/2012 23:11

This isn't about your DH. It's about you wanting to punish yourself. Please don't. You need to speak to your GP. Imagine waking up tomorrow and dealing with the sick feeling you will get in the pit of your stomach. It really isn't worth it. Good Luck (())

Original poster
ineedhelp1 · 15/04/2012 23:13

We're early 30's. I hate it that everything to do with sex involves issues with me. Abuse,scarring, infertile......when it should be nice and fun

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/04/2012 23:16

I am really sorry. Are you getting any help with talking about it, love ?

AnyFucker · 15/04/2012 23:16

Could you do one thing for me though ?

Delete all contacts with this man. Do it now.

Maryz · 15/04/2012 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatsallthefuss · 15/04/2012 23:17

dont do it.

at the moment you hate yourself for something you cant do.

dont hate your self for something you did do.

please take care of yourself

mirry2 · 15/04/2012 23:18

Women with only one ovary can still get preganant and give birth you know. If it's a question of being scared of having sex because of past abuse, you can come to terms with it eventually through counselling II'm not belittling this if this is the problem).

Your dh sounds lovely and he's quite right in that you need to come to terms with not having children (if indeed you can't) and then consider the alternatives. he sounds like a keeper so take your happiness where you can. You may not find another one like him.

Maryz · 15/04/2012 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 15/04/2012 23:19

I couldn't either (it turned out later to be wrong...but that's another story)

I gave my H once the opprtunity to walk away, no hard feelings. He refused to consider it.

OP, talk to your H

ImperialBlether · 15/04/2012 23:24

You think your husband is hurting because you can't have children - that is nothing to the pain he'll suffer if you betray him.

He loves you. He wants to find a way to have a family. Stay with him and be loyal to him - he has your best interests at heart.

This so-called friend is not a friend - he's about to stab your husband in the back and turn you into a betrayer. You shouldn't go anywhere near him.

See your GP. Ask for help.

Bohica · 15/04/2012 23:26

If you go ahead with having sex with this other man it will bring you nothing but more than guilt.

Hot and heavy guilt that you will then have to carry around with you on top of everything else you are struggling with right now.

Does that sound like a very good idea to you?

I was told in my late 20's that I wouldn't be able to have children, well someone fucked up some where because I am now in my late 30's with 3 little girls.

cathkidstonbag · 16/04/2012 11:59

I was told at age 23, a top gynae dr that there was no chance I could get pregnant. I'd had an early menopause apparently.

I was pregnant 2 months later and now have 3 children. Doctors can be wrong!!!

Don't hurt yourself like this.

AnyFucker · 16/04/2012 11:59

how are you today, OP ?

cathkidstonbag · 16/04/2012 12:00

By a top gynae dr. I'm not one!

AnyFucker · 16/04/2012 12:01

cath, I was told that at 27, too

I was told to "go away and adopt"

thankfully, I pushed for a second opinion

I would have adopted though, if need be

mirry2 · 16/04/2012 12:38

I was also told I was infertile and a year later I was pregnant with my first dc (with no medical intervention)