A marriage doesn't get much worse than this.
This is what happened this evening:
I know h had sex with someone else last night. It is someone he has children with and he went there to see him. It is an event that happens around once every 2 months (the sex not the visiting, he sees them regularly). I am NOT ok with this arrangement and never have been. I make my feeling known and it makes no difference.
Don't ask me how I know when he has sex with her, I just do (I have evidence).
So today I couldn't speak to him normally. I felt sick and hurt. I was civil to him but I was quite obviously bothered by something. He asked what was wrong and I couldn't even find the strength in me to have the same conversation I've had so many times and which only ends in me being even more upset.
After a few hours, while I'm making him some food, he suddenly says, "You don't want to piss me off you know." I said "excuse me?"
He said "Dont fuck with me. You've been nobbing me off all day" etc. etc., about how I'm going to piss him off because I'm not talking to him properly.
I said "Are you really going to talk to me like that? I'm your wife not a piece of shit." Which makes him more mad, so I say "You don't even know why I'm upset" He asked why then and I said "I'm hurt because you fucked someone else last night." He said "So what, you fuck other people"
I replied "You CHOSE to! I don't have a choice, I don't want to! Its not fair to throw that in my face!" He just told me to shut the fuck up. I said "What, don't you want me to care? It hurts because I love you!"
He jumps up and storms over with that look on his face that promises violence. I said "What, are you really going to hit me for this? You're going to hurt me physically when im hurting emotionally??"
He starts punching me. I curl up into a ball. He's ripping my hair out, strangling me, jumping on my head with his trainers on, he lobs the steel bar stool at me, then the table. Then he pours a bottle of pop over my head.
I have scars on my body from other times. A recurring shoulder injury from the last time he hit me with the bar stool. My wrist has been fucked for months - I can't rotate it without intense pain.
I have to leave but I am terrified. Terrified of him finding me. Terrified of being away from my family and not being able to visit them. Terrified of being lonely.