I need to leave but I'm scared... please help

[Dreamless]

A marriage doesn't get much worse than this.

This is what happened this evening:

I know h had sex with someone else last night. It is someone he has children with and he went there to see him. It is an event that happens around once every 2 months (the sex not the visiting, he sees them regularly). I am NOT ok with this arrangement and never have been. I make my feeling known and it makes no difference.

Don't ask me how I know when he has sex with her, I just do (I have evidence).

So today I couldn't speak to him normally. I felt sick and hurt. I was civil to him but I was quite obviously bothered by something. He asked what was wrong and I couldn't even find the strength in me to have the same conversation I've had so many times and which only ends in me being even more upset.

After a few hours, while I'm making him some food, he suddenly says, "You don't want to piss me off you know." I said "excuse me?"
He said "Dont fuck with me. You've been nobbing me off all day" etc. etc., about how I'm going to piss him off because I'm not talking to him properly.
I said "Are you really going to talk to me like that? I'm your wife not a piece of shit." Which makes him more mad, so I say "You don't even know why I'm upset" He asked why then and I said "I'm hurt because you fucked someone else last night." He said "So what, you fuck other people"
I replied "You CHOSE to! I don't have a choice, I don't want to! Its not fair to throw that in my face!" He just told me to shut the fuck up. I said "What, don't you want me to care? It hurts because I love you!"

He jumps up and storms over with that look on his face that promises violence. I said "What, are you really going to hit me for this? You're going to hurt me physically when im hurting emotionally??"

He starts punching me. I curl up into a ball. He's ripping my hair out, strangling me, jumping on my head with his trainers on, he lobs the steel bar stool at me, then the table. Then he pours a bottle of pop over my head.

I have scars on my body from other times. A recurring shoulder injury from the last time he hit me with the bar stool. My wrist has been fucked for months - I can't rotate it without intense pain.

I have to leave but I am terrified. Terrified of him finding me. Terrified of being away from my family and not being able to visit them. Terrified of being lonely.

Dreamless, thanks for clarifying that you are in the UK. My mistake - sorry.
Just keep yourself safe tonight then as soon as he is out of the house tomorrow, pack a few things and go to your nearest police station. They will assist you to get to a refuge.
Please just do it. You can have a different life.

Abusive men often try to convince you that they have superpowers, that they are afraid of nothing and that you can't escape. It's all bullshit. This man can be arrested and put in prison and he will stay there. You can escape, Women's Aid will help you.

You really need to call the police or Women's Aid and tell them everything you've told us. Please do this as a matter of urgency - NOW.

Take it one step at a time. First step is your safety. The rest will follow.

You're scared because he has made you scared and thats what he needs. He is a fucking loser coward and he needs people to be scared of him to make him feel big.

His a pathetic loser and the reason he isnt scared of prison is because its full of people like him. What he IS scared of is real life, where people see him for what he is. He may threaten but he wont see it through because he knows he wont get anywhere.

Show this spineless loser that you are better than him and leave. And yes, you can change your name, get new passport, driving license etc. Womens Aid will help with that. Call them, please please call them.

Your previous thread was one of the saddest I have ever read. Or thought I had until this one. This man is beyond awfulness and you must save yourself before he kills you. Please, please get out.

If you are in the US contact the equivalent of our Women's Aid over here. This link might help since it lists domestic violence services state by state: www.hotpeachpages.net/usa/states.html

Sorry, here's a better version of the link:
www.hotpeachpages.net/usa/states.html

Just see that you are in the UK. So ignore links, above but please, please call the police and Womens Aid NOW. You must get out. Immediately.

If you don't have dcs, and from your other threads it looks like you don't. Just leave. When it's safe to do so. Then go to your nearest police station and tell them what you have said here. They will put you in touch with a refuge.

Just walk out the door (I'm guessing in the morning now, by your last post). Pretend you are going to, I don't know, the post office, shops, work.

But go straight to the police.

The other thing for you to realise, and I know it's horrible to say, but he's your pimp, not a husband. You owe him zero loyalty. He sees you as a commodity and uses you that way.

I know women who have escaped prostitution and violent men. It's possible to do. You sound like you can do it. Just keep yourself safe.

Izzyizin - yes he gives her money from my earnings. I hate it. Its like he's using me to get money so he can give it to the woman he's fucking behind my back.

I don't want to get the police involved because if I prosecute and send him to prison his family are all mad, they'd retaliate. Honestly they're all crazy.

I don't even care that much about the physical violence, its the emotional abuse that's the worst. He tells me I'm a fucking horrible bitch, a shit wife, a fucking selfish horrible disgusting human being and no one else would put up with me. Do you know how much it hurts hearing the person you love saying these things. I can't bear it anymore. I want to get away from him but I can't stop worrying about my family. That's the first place he'll look. He'll think they're hiding me from him and he won't believe them. He's told me before that if he ever caught me cheating he'd firebomb their house to get back at me bacause he knows how much I love them. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to them because of me. Id rather bear the brunt of him then put them in the line of fire. By my family I mean my parents and brothers/sisters.

i am that he is giving his ex/mistress money from his pimping of you. Oh My God, if it wasn't bad enough that he had forced you into prostitution!! you poor woman, i just can't imagine.

the police have special protocols for securing your family's home(s) with quicker responses, panic buttons, all sorts. they know about this sort of nonsense, what fuckers like these say to scare their partners. i know you don't want to tell the police, but just realise that he's scared you like this because he KNOWS that if you go to the police, he'll be properly fucked. he wants to keep you silent so he threatens you.

please understand Dreamless, your H is just like every other abusive man, and refuges and the police know about men like him. nothing you say will surprise them, and they will know just what to do.

You must call the police, NOW. They will support you, they will make sure you and your dcs are safe. This is UK 2012, it's not the 1940s, there are shelters and people who can look after you. The police will be on your side. Don't let him make you think we still live in the dark ages. His threats are just not going to wash with the police or anyone else.

You have to do this for yourself, but you really have to do this for your DCs.

999 it's easy as that. Make a new start.

He'd firebomb your parents house? Yeah right. What a complete and utter Twat. Don't believe a word he says.

The stark fact is that in prostituting you to support his ex and his dc, he's living off your immoral earnings.

He doesn't love you and he doesn't care about you; in fact, he doesn't give a shit about you.

You only have value to him as a commodity that he can trade on the sex market to make money to fund his lifestyle and his family.

The love you profess to feel for him isn't real or healthy because it comes from a place of fear which has led you to become dependent on him for your self-image. In truth, you don't love him but you've allowed him to brainwash you into believing that you do.

If you disappear what will he do? Find another vulnerable young woman to prostitute?

If you tell your story to the police measures can and will be put into place to ensure that your own family will NOT come to any harm.

Start taking back your power - and you have far more than you think, honey.

Call Eaves Women's Aid on 0207 735 2062 9.30am-4.30pm Mon-Fri or call the Scarlet Centre 0207 840 7142 10am-5.30pm Tues, Weds, Thurs & Sat and 2-5pm Fridays.

Alternatively, give the LEA Project on 0207 840 7135 or 7954 a call during usual office hours.

The above centres help sex workers put prostitution and abuse where it belongs - in their past.

There is a brighter future waiting for you but it can't happen until you take the first step. No-one else can do that for you. Dig deep and find the courage to make the call - you won't regret it.

listen to izzy sweetheart, there is freedom for you and your family, it doesn't have to be like this. x

You don't have to call the police to get away from him - you can call Women's Aid or Refuge and ask for their help.

I also think you should tell your family what is going on.

And you can't sacrifice yourself for the sake of your family.

Are you really saying you want to be raped nearly every day of your life because of his threats towards them?

I agree, you must call women's aid. It's the first step to getting away x

It's ok to be scared, Dreamless. But you do need to leave.

Your family are adult and capable enough to take care of themselves: it's not your job. In the same way that it is not (or shouldn't be) your job for you to prostitute yourself for the benfit of this man and his family.

Your job is to protect yourself. That's it. By calling Women's Aid, explaining the situations, and walking out the door to be taken to the place in a refuge they will arrange for you.

I remember your last post. Please get out of there and protect yourself. Listen to Izzy - her advice in this area is excellent. You can't live like this any longer, this 'man' treats you worse than an animal.