Online dating. My first 'meet' was a hideous nightmare.

[ArseCrack]

We'd been chatting for two weeks. Finally met up at a country pub. He was wearing scruffy jeans that were at least 3 sizes too big for him and had a hole in the knee and he wore a massive old (not fashionably old) woolly jumper that again, must have been about 3 sizes too big. I felt uncomfortable with him because to be frank, I was ashamed to be seen with him. I had dressed up, made an effort. Most people in the pub had made some kind of an effort even if it was just a nice t-shirt and jeans but this guy looked like he had been auditioning for the part of Wayne Slob.

So we sit down, I tell him straight away that i can't stay long due to unforseen circumstances. He asked me what interested me. i said travelling. He said "oo me too!!" I replied "cool! where have you been?" and he said "nowhere. yet. But I'd like to" he asked me what places I wanted to see the most. I said Thailand, New York, LA, Peru etc and then asked him where he'd like to see. He said Thailand, New York, LA .... oh and Peru maybe

I asked what hobbies he had. He said none. Seemingly realised that wasn't a great answer and then added "oh actually, mythical creatures!". I replied "that's your hobby? how?" and he replied "I just err, I just like them".

An hour later I made my excuses and left.

PLEASE tell me they're not all losers??? do normal men use dating sites or am I wasting my time? I mean, as if you don't even dress decent for a first "date"!!

You stayed an hour longer, after he'd told you mythical creatures were his hobby? You're a brave woman!

Had you spoken to him on the phone for any length of time? What made you think you'd like him? Which site were you on?

You'll look back on it and laugh at some point, I've had some really shit dates, awful, but now can just laugh at them and put them down to experience!

Oh, and no, they are not all like that!

Sorry, but mythical creatures has made me laugh!

You can meet some lovely people via online dating. My brother is a fantastic guy and he's had quite a few dates that way. Sadly you can't have him as he's now with a long-term girlfriend (who is also lovely).

Look, it was obviously a disaster but it wasn't a waste, it's all experience.
There are some weird people out there but there are plenty of normal ones too.
People online can portray an image that is clearly not based in reality.

The only advice I can give is to meet them in the flesh pretty quickly.
I wasted weeks and weeks on men who I was NEVER going to be attracted to in a million years. If you are a bit of an old romantic it's easy to start knitting a love story. Meeting them in the flesh makes it real and saves time.

Good luck.

You chatted for TWO WEEKS and didn't cover any of the questions that you broached in the date?

I've had a handful of 'look back and laugh' dates but nothing that bad - and I've been on close on 50 dates over a 4-year period. My point being that there are decent dates out there - you need to pick your site carefully.

oh dear i would have taken one look at the scruffy jumper and jeans and said sorry but this aint going nowhere,

i have had a few good dates recently and a couple of poor ones but the one that stands out as poor was a guy who came over for a meet, we went in the local pub and everything i asked him he gave almost monosybilic answers and there were a lot of awkward silences so after about half an hour i just simply said sorry hun but this aint working is it and he agreed so we parted ways and hopefully he has found someone else good luck and dont get down you will develope a hide like a rhinos after a few dates lol

oh, I'm sorry, but that's soooo funny.

He's clearly one of those role playing dungeons and dragons type people. Supernerds, I think they're called

sorry OP but that is funny!

I met dh online. He is normally as scruffy as hell. However, he demonstrated his possession of social skills by dressing properly for the first date. I don't actually give a shit how scruffy someone is but knowing that you ought to dress up for the first date is like a test, which your date failed!

Good luck with the next one!

I had an internet date like that. I asked him why he had made no effort in the way he looked. He thought he looked OK. I finished my drink. I left.

IME, they are nearly all losers but you never know.

I texted DD1 for help 10 minutes into one date. Plan B was DD1's best friend , Plan C was the loo window.

You're better than me, I found the 'sorry I'm not interested' bit hellish. I don't date anymore.

i had a date a little bit like this. It was at the movies. I knew immediately that we were never going to happen as a couple. We saw one of the best films I have ever seen. Nothing's wasted. I learned not to spend ages emailing - I have enough friends tbh. Make it an activity that you want to do - if he doesn't want to do any activities, that tells you plenty to start with.

My next date (18 months later) was a meal out at a restaurant where 6 single women had each brought 1 guy, either from internet sites, friends, brothers... 2 marriages from that lot. Thoroughly recommended.

My DP was in a suit the first time we met (straight after work!), we talked non-stop for hours in a restaurant and he came halfway home on the tube with me even though he lived in the opposite direction...so no, they are not all like that!

You've got to kiss a few frogs, etc (but no kissing recommended in this instance).

My 1st online date was shorter than me & had his hair quiffed up Tintin style to make him look taller (AND really badly dyed as well). We'd had a lot in common on paper but nothing at all IRL!

I was chatting to DH online for about 5 weeks before we met: Christmas got in the way & then he was on a business trip followed by holiday.

I had several bad dates in the interim & was hanging on for this one last guy 'when he gets back from holiday'. He was my final throw of the dice & luckily he turned out to be the right one!

OMG You met 'Comic Book Guy'! (Mythical creatures probably means he plays online fantasy games and has the box set of Lord of the Rings) Still... you'll have something fun to chat about on your next date. Good luck

I did a bit of online dating in my single years. It's a bit like a lucky dip. Which turds in it as well as treats... Just persevere.

I had my first online date a couple of weeks ago - I was nervous as hell, and convinced he was going to be crazy (or 'a complete fruit loop') as my sister suggested...

We spent three hours chatting in the pub (pretty much kicked out of there), and have seen each other a lot since. We just totally clicked, and I really like him (although I'm working hard to keep my sensible head, because the voice of reason keeps shouting in my ear that we've only just met!)

I do feel massively lucky though, that I didn't have a hideous first date experience - I think just get back out there, and chalk it all up as experience!

I have completely lost faith in internet dating!!
They are all jerks all wanting one thing!
The guys that mail me are horrendous! The cheek of it!!

Haha @ 'the cheek of it' whoyouare

I did internet dating for a while, and I met my dp online - but I had some proper shit dates before him! Some great ones too though... just stick with it, try not to take it too seriously and enjoy it. If nothing else, you have some great stories to tell....

On one of my first dates, I went to the loo, came back and my date showed me a picture of his erect penis on his mobile. Which was nice

I once met someone I'd met through the dating pages in Time Out (back in the eighties)
We went to a concert at the Festival Hall....Edie Brickell.
He was awful. And smelt.
I went to the toilet at the interval and never went back.

My partner and I are ridiculously happy

There are lovely ones, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs etc etc

I did internet dating- I met my DP on a dating website 6 years ago.

My first internet date was very similar to yours (not my DP!) We had exchanged photos and I was looking for a slim, dark spiky haired chap, so when a bigger fella with dirty blond 'curtains' was walking straight towards me I was looking over his shoulder!
He was dressed very similarly to yours and after 30 mins of awkward chit chat, he put his hand on my knee and asked if he could come back to mine! I made my excuses and left!

Other dates after that varied from awful to fun, but no cigar (iyswim!) until I met my DP. We'd spoken for a few weeks and chatted on the phone before we met up and on our first date we knew this was it

So no, they will not all be awful, but as they say, you might have to kiss a lot of frogs!

Ha! Cross-posted saying with Serendipitous

normal men use dating sites, don't worry, I'm engaged to one I met three years ago.

You will look back on this and laugh, promise.

I had a memorable one ..... he was 23, I was 27, we met for coffee in the middle of the day. The first thing he did was apologise for wearing a scruffy t shirt because his mum hadn't done his washing when it needed doing.

And I sat and thought.... 'You presumptuous little wanker, that woman pushed you out of a hole the size of a kiwi fruit 23 years ago, you should be crawling on your knees to her with a pot of tea and a box of Ferrero Rocher! How dare you think about your mother in those terms! Rahhhhhhhh!'

And then, I paid for all the coffee, and left. Blocked him on my phone and dating account. VERY nearly didn't meet the next one, as he was only 25 and was wondering if I should limit my search criteria to men in their 30s.

The next one, I methim for coffee, and got on nicely, and we went to the city museum. We wandered around, and looked at stones, and talked about potty training (he has two children, I found out that day) and one day, Reader, I am going to marry him.

It's good fun, if you have your head on straight. I've had some brilliant first dates, and have been able to meet men that I never would have otherwise. Embrace the dating!