Just heartbreaking

[2wwmadness]

Some may know the background on this. Feel free to link I'f tou know how.,
So, dh and I have decided to try and work through this for the baby. I am 36 weeks pg.
I love him. Want a family with him and want to laugh and have fun with him.
He says he loves me. But is not in love with me anymore. He doesn't fancy me, get butterflies when he sees me, he's not excited to come home to me and he doesn't want to share things with me. He would rather be in work than with me. We are sleeping in separate rooms. He took his wedding ring off.
He says that the feelings might come back. He loves and cares for me and can see I am a good woman. He wants the family and sees how our new life together could spark new feelings.
I feel like my heart is being ripped out. We will chat together, spent all day together today. Watched a film, ate, just hung out. I miss the kisses and cuddles and touching. I feel ugly and ashamed. Theres a long back story to this so if anyone could link my old thread that would be helpful. (about how did you "know" dh had another woman) he still maintains no one else is involved. I do still Beleive him. Except when I sleep i have nightmares.
How do I get through this. How do I stick it out and fix this. In putting on a brave and "normal" face as much as I can. I just feel like in dying inside sometimes. I want the happy family unit I thought we had.

Would my son not be better off in a stable family? If we can work through this. Counciling maybe?

Fwiw I think you are kidding yourself. This is not a stable family.

No. It's not now. I know that. It's what it could be.

Stable family you say? Maybe hard when the dad swans off shagging and staying in hotels. Whilst the mother is the doormat at home. Driven insane by the cruel ness of her husband. I do think if you allow this to continue into the post natal phase there is every chance you will become very ill.

Also fwiw, I also think. Again just my guess not fact. That the longer you allow this to go on unchallenged and unhindered. The stronger his feelings for ow will become. I am presuming there is one. Then once baby is here he will leave you anyway.

Something is stopping him leaving now. Make him go. It may wake him up before its too late if this is what you desire.

He's got his cake and he's eating it; not only that but his wife is becoming abject and is likely to bend to his every whim just because she's so desperate "to make things work".

There he is, sitting pretty.

There you are, sinking into the mire.

You have to do something to shock him into understanding what he has, what he may lose if he doesn't stop abusing you.

Forget all that "I didn't support him" stuff. Who decided he would move while you stayed behind? How were you supposed to support him from that far away, pregnant and working?

I agree a lot that unless you make him see what he stands to lose then he won't wake up. You can only do this by separating from him at the moment.

Just thought the reason he is probably going to hotels is possibly because she has a partner at home too so he can't go there, perhaps she lives with her parents so he can't go there. This woman either doesn't have a home or she does but has someone waiting at home like you so they can only go to hotels.
Therefore it suggests he doesn't have anywhere to go, if he did he would go which shows he's using you even more.

Men don't say things like they don't fancy you etc unless there is someone else.

It wouldn't be a stable family your partners checked out. So how is that stable? In my previous post, there no point in shouting at him, you need to snoop without him knowing. Also why can't you start following him? Go to where he says he is then see if he's really there etc.

Despite the evidence, I don't think any of us can deter you from the course of action you're taking and I said as much earlier today. I feel sad that a young woman thinks that she has to compromise so much of her integrity in order to stay in a relationship, but I do see that with two weeks to go before the birth of your baby, the status quo seems like the safer option, even if it's transparently not.

Just go into this decision with your eyes open okay? Be aware that this course of action is an act of sabotage against you ever having an equal relationship with your husband and what that will mean for you and your son in the future.

One other thing - have you confided any of this in your midwives? You would be best advised to be checked for STIs, for the sake of your own health and that of your son's.