Help my cope with my father's unacceptable behaviour...long...sorry.

[LobstersLass]

Back story... between 2008 and 2010 we had 4 miscarriages. All at about the 7 week mark. We've had all the tests and have been told that IVF can help, but we've decided not to pursue that avenue. We're to old to have it for free, and we can afford the money, but trying and failing would put too much strain on our relationship, so selfishly, we've decided to be happy together and that's that.

My father cannot bear this outcome. Almost every time I speak with him (about twice a week on the phone) he will drop something into the conversation about wanting to be a grandfather, what a good mother I'd be, how he will pay for IVF. He cannot cope with the fact that we've taken the decision to stop trying for a child.

I have explained to him many times that I find his behaviour very hurtful, and that he makes me feel like a failure. I have explained this to him in a calm and rational manner, and also sitting in front of him with tears rolling down my cheeks.

He normally then desists for a while, before starting up again.

He's long retired, but a couple of weeks he'd done some contract work and made some money, I commented that it would go towards their next cruise. He replied that it was going into the St. Thomas's fund. I thought I'd misheard but then realised what he meant. If we had IVF we would have genetic screening due to abnormalities and that would be done at St. Thomas's. I laughed off his comment and changed the subject.

Last week, my fabulous cousin had a baby. I called my parents to let them know. My father's response to hearing that his niece had a baby? 4-0. Sorry? 4-0. His brother now has 4 grandchildren whilst he has none.
What kind of man takes the opportunity of such lovely news to shove it down his daughter's throat that she hasn't made him a grandfather.
He made me cry that day and I've been angry with him ever since. I've still not spoken to him. I know that the fact we've fallen out is breaking my mother's heart.

I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. How can I carry on spending time around a man that is so cruel to me without bursting into tears. I can't cut him out of my life because that would kill my mother.

I need a coping strategy. Please help.
Thanks for reading.

[LobstersLass]

LunaticFringe, thank you so much.
I thought it would be nice to update people that were so kind and helpful to me in my hour of need, and to let them know that all had worked out very well.