I had DS 3 months ago and keep getting ill, which I realised yesterday was due to total exhaustion. I haven't slept properly for 3 months because my husband doesn't help me at home and is never at home.
Most days he gets up at 6am and goes to work to return at about 11-12am. I have to do all the night feeds (bf-ing), and I do nappy changing, rocking baby back to sleep etc because he claims he is tired from work and needs to get up early. Basically if he comes home at 6pm I have to have had dinner ready for him and then I have to take the children to bed at 8pm so he can relax and watch TV. I normally take children upstairs and stay on the computer until I feel sleepy, only to awake again for a feed. He stays downstairs for hours and I am sure he is watching porn - I found his internet history on his phone, which he deleted the next day.
In the past we have had massive rows because I don't always make his food on time. I must add here now that we're not English, and there is alot of things about "losing respect" that fly about if a husband and wife fight and involve family. I don't like eating the same shit everyday - I was born here and am used to trying a variety of things for dinner, but he won't try anything unless it's his staple food that he likes. It's got to the point where I hate cooking and I hate eating now. I didn't eat properly throughout my pregnancy because I just couldn't stomach the shit. I never put on a large amount of weight and as a result my son was born underweight. So I do admit I don't cook his dinner everyday because he's made me hate food.
I have been ill for the past 5 days now, and as usual he hasn't been at home. I find it hard to entertain my 4 year old and look after the baby. He doesn't care. I went to a family members house yesterday and he phoned me. I asked him when he will be home and he said he was just talking to a friend about 5 mins from our house and he will be home - as usual his first question was "What's going to happen about dinner" and I told him I'd come home and make it for him. I left family member's house about 20 mins later, and by that time I was shivering and breaking into a fever again. I got home, thinking he would come out and take the children in. No. He wasn't at home. I phoned him and asked him where he was and apparantly he was running home. I waited 10 mins and he didn't come. I left the children downstairs and got into bed shivering. Finally I heard him come home and I could tell by the way he was walking around and talking to my DD he was pissed off I had gone to bed.
I took a codiene and slept for about 2 hours, and when I woke up all I could hear was him shouting at DD. She came upstairs and I told her to tell him to take some food out of the freezer and eat it, and give some to DD too. She went downstairs and he started shouting at her again. I got out of bed angry and shouted at him there was food in the freezer to which he replied "that's not edible for a person". I took it out, and warmed it up for DD and told her to sit on table and eat. All the time I was so angry and shouting that why he hadn't asked DD if she was hungry. He replied I'll go and leave you, and I shouted back "go then, I'll back your bags" and I went back upstairs to bed. He phoned his brother and was shouting about me to him, and came upstairs and dumped our son on my lap and said "I'm going, I've had enough, I hate it here". He left at 9pm.
My brother phoned him to come home and he didn't. My brother texted him this morning to ask what's happening and he said he'd be back at 3-4pm. He's not back. I hate him so much. He ruined my life and I 100% sure now this marriage meant nothing but a visa to the UK. What kind of man leaves his children? I haven't texted or phoned him once because I haven't done anything wrong. I don't know why I am posting here but I just would like some support. I already feel like a single mother because he's never at home, so I know I can cope, but this will kill my Dad.