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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want to forgive DH's affair and 'let go' but how do I do that?

55 replies

RightFedUp · 04/04/2012 08:49

Hi
9 months on after DH's affair. We've done couples therapy and he's stayed on for individual therapy. He's done everything he can possibly do to make things right and we both really want the marriage to continue. It's way better than it was before as the lessons have been well learned by both of us.

My question is, how do I just let it go? I'm ok for days, then it comes back round again in my head and gnaws at me. I can't change the past but how can I let go of it and move on?

Any ideas, please?

OP posts:
familyscapegoat · 04/04/2012 23:24

Like my husband RFU, yours seems to have done everything to rebuild trust. We are a few years on from his affair now, so I write to give you hope and reassurance.

The 'gnawing' feeling in my case didn't go away for over 2 years. It wasn't anything to do with concerns about our relationship or what the future held, because trust had come back quite quickly for me. What preoccupied me was the past. I found it hard to stop reliving the months when the affair was going on and the build-up before it. Of all the emotions I went through, the sadness lasted by far the longest.

Unlike some other posters here, I don't yearn for the life I had beforehand, because what I have now is much better. Our relationship had been good before the affair, but my husband had always been quite selfish, lazy and complacent and I realise now that I'd learnt to work around that. His affair made us both accept that those were the reasons he allowed himself to have the affair and so they had to change.

He set about an incredible transformation and is now the best husband and father I could wish for. I love him more than ever and my respect for him is total. Our relationship has naturally reached heights it never had before, so I don't hanker for the past and neither does he.

It took me over a year to accept fully what he had been telling me from Day One - that nothing I could have done would have prevented it and it had nothing to do with our marriage. My instincts and memories of life beforehand told me that he was telling the truth about that, but because our relationship was now so much better because of the changes he'd made, I couldn't shake the feeling that if the relationship had been as good as this before, it wouldn't have happened.

We both suddenly realised that because my husband was now giving so much to our marriage and family life, my responses had improved and so our relationship was what it should always have been. The defining factor then was him and his behaviour. One night he told me that if he had been this committed, attentive and loving all the time, he would never have had an affair. This was an incredible insight that he'd arrived at through his counselling. We read Not Just Friends a while after that conversation and it amazed us both that this seemed to be the key message in the book. We were quite proud of ourselves for working this out already! Smile

We know that as long as we are both committed to our love for eachother and investing in our relationship, neither of us could ever be unfaithful, but it's only something we can influence in ourselves as individuals. We are only ever responsible for ourselves and our own behaviour. I now know that if my husband started being selfish again and taking me for granted, he would be increasing his risk of being unfaithful and the same would apply to me if I went down that route. So I don't worry about that. He trusts him and I trust me, is the best way of putting this - so that means we trust eachother.

RFU I would say there's still a long way to go and you might find it gets worse at some point before it gets better than it's ever been. You're making good progress but there will be more insights to come and you probably won't feel the same in 2 years time and might feel differently again a year on from that. HTH.

Mirandax · 04/04/2012 23:58

I just love the way you say "The fact is, I like the man. I enjoy being with him...............and I love him". Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your self-awareness is so compelling.

Unlike some of the permanent residents on this site, I cannot give you any level of prescriptive guidance - but, I can compliment you on how you are handling your situation.

To go back to your original question as to how you can "let go", I cannot give you specific advice, because your situation is unique to you. BUT, what I can tell you is that it can be done.

Both my sister and a very close friend have come through a similar experience. I am not privy to detail, apart from the initial trauma - but, both now have a sparkle that is the envy of many in our circle. It is a "joke" (I would tear him limb from limb) with DH, that he should go offside, so that we could achieve the same level of "sparkle".

So, I don't know how you (specifically) can "let go" - but the important thing is that people do manage to do so. And from reading your posts, I would be very confident that you will achieve that "sparkle" level, about which I am becoming very envious.

Good luck.

Wozshocked · 05/04/2012 09:22

Would echo the previous poster re not yearning for the previous life when the new one is much better. It would probably sound trivial to most people the 2 1/2 years on, DH empties the diswasher automatically, sponateously picks up school letters to read and deal with, gets kids to bring down their washing so he can put on aload before he goes out etc etc, tiny things he never did before but now a natural fabric of our life. Recently an aquaintance at a party after a few drinks told me she and her DH had been chatting about the couples they know and concluded that DH & I were the happiest of them all Shock and we are happy. OP - everyhting you have said indicates that you will get to a place where your life is so good that the affair becomes irrelevant compared to your real 'now' life.

PullUpAPew · 05/04/2012 12:16

Hi RFU, just wanted to wish you well really. Once you replied to another poster (doctordtw I think) and explained how you feel, your story made so much more sense to me than at the start when you were talking about what you and your husband were/are doing. I hope it works out and I think saying 'yes it hurts' and then taking a deep breath and moving forwards sounds a good plan. All best wishes for your marriage in the future.

RightFedUp · 05/04/2012 16:10

Thanks for all the support and ideas. It's heartening to know that it's possible to rebulid a new relationship with the same person and that it takes more time than I'd given myself.
Cheers again.

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