Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

YES i am a man

39 replies

adrianleicester · 03/04/2012 23:04

I work hard to support my family, i am faithful and loyal, yet i have just heard those famous words..i don't love you and i want a divorce..Was providing for a family and keeping a roof over their heads not enough..oh and before you think it, i know this is not a fidelity issue.

OP posts:
BIWI · 03/04/2012 23:06

I'm sorry to hear that.

How can we help you?

BulletProof · 03/04/2012 23:08

Sorry to hear that... Talk if it helps...

Original poster
adrianleicester · 03/04/2012 23:12

oh at the minute am i just feeling beat up and bullied as i cant believe that such minor issues seem to have built up to this, but i thank you for hearing me,

OP posts:
OurPlanetNeptune · 03/04/2012 23:14

adrian, this is a great place to vent and more often than not you will get some absolutely fab advice. Keep posting.

WincyEtNightie · 03/04/2012 23:16

Sorry to hear that adrian.

I have to run as it's bedtime but you will get a good listening ear and wise words from the people on here - man or woman these guys are good.

BIWI · 03/04/2012 23:21

Absolutely. What Wincy said.

Doesn't make any difference what gender you are.

SparkyMcSparrowLaidMiniEggs · 03/04/2012 23:21

Sometimes its just not enough.
I'm sorry your having a rough time! keep venting, it will help and you will get some good advice!

mathanxiety · 03/04/2012 23:24

Have you any idea what those issues might be and do you think the whole thing might be salvageable? What has your OH said on this score?

If the issues are serious enough to have resulted in divorce papers then they are not minor to at least one half of your partnership sorry to say.

Original poster
adrianleicester · 03/04/2012 23:28

it's complicated, i have 2 children, one has differences and needs lots of surgery, i am very protective, and will not let a selfish so and so threaten that.

OP posts:
BIWI · 03/04/2012 23:29

Not sure I understand your last post. Why would (your wife, I assume) threaten the needs of your child to have surgery?

Original poster
adrianleicester · 03/04/2012 23:32

she wouldn't. i was speaking as a dad that won't leave his child, my wife is a great mother, but her issues with me make me fear that the delicate balance wll be upset

OP posts:
BIWI · 03/04/2012 23:33

You need to tell us more - what do you mean by upsetting 'the delicate balance'?

How can we help you on MN?

Fairenuff · 03/04/2012 23:37

Sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. Has this come out of the blue or has your wife said this before. I have to say that sometimes providing a roof really is not enough, but it really depends on all the circumstances. A poorly child can put a lot of strain on a relationship. Can you give an example of what has led to this decision or would you like advice on where to go from here regarding the separation? Keep posting if you think it would help.

NarkedPuffin · 03/04/2012 23:40

I don't understand.

Your wife wants a divorce so she's selfish?

chipmonkey · 03/04/2012 23:43

But supposing she divorces you. You will still have a say in any medical procedures your child needs. And it can be very stressful for both parents if a child is ill and sadly it puts a lot of strain on even a healthy relationship. What are the "minor issues?" Because it would seem that to your wife they are not so minor.

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/04/2012 23:43

Adrian, it sounds like you are doing your best for your children and you think that your wife is a great mother. The task for both of you now is to negotiate the end of your relationship in a way that does not deminish your roles as parents to children who need you both.

BasilFoulTea · 03/04/2012 23:45

Er, i presume your wife helped put a roof over your children's heads as well, either by working in the cash economy or enabling you to do so by looking after your children.

No, taking all the credit for putting a roof over your family's head, isn't enough to sustain a marriage I'm afraid. Acknowledging and respecting the other person's contribution, loving and respecting them, listening to them, acknowledging the things they feel are important, being their friend and treating them with as much consideration and friendship as you would your friends - all those things are also needed.

Sorry you're going through this.

TheLittlestGoat · 03/04/2012 23:46

Are the minor issues ones that she has listed to you? What I mean is, you may view them as minor, but they could be much bigger for her?

Do you have any examples?

Have you considered counselling like Relate?

Maryz · 03/04/2012 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
adrianleicester · 03/04/2012 23:55

smiles
as to the retorts of "roof over head" and "minor issues" i consider my wife wife to be the most amazing person to have provided for, i had mearly wanted to vent and "cry for help" on this sad night.. i am more than qualified to deal with a marriage breakdown, but that doesent make the pain any less.. please, all of you understand..i am not fighting the woman i love.. i am trying to find the solution to something that i considered to be be unbreakable.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 03/04/2012 23:59

So adrian is the solution a) a reconciliation or b) amicable separation?

BasilFoulTea · 03/04/2012 23:59

So... couples counselling?

Would your wife consider this?

NarkedPuffin · 04/04/2012 00:01

You can't Sad

You can try to suggest going to Relate and sleeping in different rooms for the time being but you can't make someone change their mind.

It's a horrible thing.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/04/2012 00:05

Adrian, in my experience, the breakdown of a relationship often comes to the surprise of one of the people involved. This is mostly due to a breakdown in communication.

There are ways to rectify this. Have you two discussed outside intervention such as Relate? Even if they cannot help you mend your marriage, they can help you with your separation and your building a parental framework whilst apart.

WibblyBibble · 04/04/2012 00:10

:( sad for you OP. I always think it's very unpleasant when one partner just comes out with unilaterally wanting the relationship to end without having discussed any problems and tried to solve them in full communication first. It must be a horrible shock to you and I hope your wife either changes her mind or you both get some help/counselling to work things out if it can be done. I personally think 'not loving someone any more' is really based on very silly romantic ideals rather than genuine relationships but lots of people seem to come out with that. Maybe there have been other things going on, I don't know. I hope you get some peace soon though.