YES i am a man

[adrianleicester]

I work hard to support my family, i am faithful and loyal, yet i have just heard those famous words..i don't love you and i want a divorce..Was providing for a family and keeping a roof over their heads not enough..oh and before you think it, i know this is not a fidelity issue.

You will need to let go of "having provided for her." to begin with. It's not usually a part of why couples break up....I don't know any woman who would leave a man she was in touch with emotionally and physically because he failed "to provide."

You may have paid the bills...but she presumably had a hand in bringing up your children?

Why are you more than qualified to deal with a marriage breakdown?

Have you been married before?

I hope it all works out for your family.

Are you sure there is no other person involved? If not, things may be salvageable with patience, time and counselling, providing your wife is willing.

Unfortunately, you can't make someone stay in a relationship if they are determined to leave. If this is the case, you need to concentrate on making your children as secure as possible and building an amicable working relationship with their mother. As their father, you will always have input into medical decisions etc. but can I suggest that you try your utmost to avoid getting into an adversarial relationship with their mother.

Hi Adrian. Sorry i cant be of any help to you advicewise but i watched my DB go through a break up when my DN was only a year old. I saw the pain he went through . I hope things work out ok for you and your family and you find a way through this.

Adrian, what are your wife's issues? Did you not mention them because you don't know what they are?

I have to tell you that for a woman being provided for, even though this is how men show their love, just doesn't fill the need to be talked to and listened to. Wives can be very very lonely in their marriages.

Willard Harley 'His Needs, Her needs' really shows how different men and women are.

This is not the time for stiff upper lip and 'I am qualified'. This is the time for bawling and sobbing, so she can see how much you are feeling. And, this is really not the time for pride.

I urge you to go to Relate or couples counselling. You might see that you need to learn a skill you don't have, a skill that she really needs. She might see that you do care.

Good luck, keep on talking to us.

sorry, but "being provided for" is an extraordinarily outdated and patronising concept. couples provide for each other and their children not only by earning, but by enabling the other person to earn. if only one of those roles is valued, I can imagine it would cause massive tension.

Would your wife's issues have anything to do with the fact that you thought you earned the money so her job was all the domestic work and childcare?

Why are some of the posters being so dogmatic... Give mn a bad name... There's not enough info in ops post to make such comments. Very irritating.

SGB Would your wife's issues have anything to do with the fact that you thought you earned the money so her job was all the domestic work and childcare?

Oh dear...here we go again. Did the Op say that?

FWIW some women like housework. I have a friend who loves being a housewife and doing it all. It was her main ambition.

Since the OP hasn't given any real information about why his wife says she has stopped loving him, we don't know if it was about housework, whether she liked it or hated it or anything really.

I asked that because a) it's one of the more common reasons for women deciding to end marriages ie being treated like a domestic servant and b) the OP's insistence that he 'provided the roof over their heads' and refusal to say what reasons his wife has given for wanting a divorce, which at least implies the possibility of man who thinks that 'wife' is someone who accepts an assigned role and doesn't complain about it.

Adrian - really sad for you. What s horrible shock. Don't feel you have to leave the house.

You haven't said very much about it so my advice would be to write a massive venting and crying post here. This area is so supportive. Don't bottle things up

Un-MN hugs to you.

adrian has not said what the issues are which on a forum like this, rightly or wrongly leads to speculation. For all we know his dw could be a MNer who posted about her issues and was advised to "leave the bastard". And the OP title suggest that he wants us to all know he is a man and wants us to read the thread.
Did you want your dw to read the thread, adrian?

What a shame he hasn't returned. I wonder why?

adrian - if you're reading this, please come back and tell us more, so that we can help. Just because you're male doesn't mean you won't get great support and some fantastic advice here. Sadly, many posters will have experience of marriage/relationship breakdowns and can give you both practical and emotional support.