Hi all.
Long time lurker here but never had to courage to post.
So been with DH for 9 years, married for 5. DS is 7, I've had 4 MC's so no subsequent children.
My problem is the way my husband speaks to me. He works away around Europe during the week and I work PT in school hours to fit around DS. He constantly tells me how lucky I am to have a roof over my head provided by him, and how others would kill to be in my position. I sit in that house once DS is in bed and my family is 100 miles away. The only person I have nearby conveniently is MIL (and, obviousy, he worships the ground she walks on.) I may add at this point that he gives me £300 pm for the food shopping for the three of us and that is it - I don't ask him for an extra penny. What I want - I buy with my wages and I also pay off my own bills from a loan I took out when we first had DS and credit cards I ran up during the time up until last year when he was still giving me £140 pm for food for the three of us. I buy DS clothes and shoes when he needs them because I feel I can't ask DH. He buys the latest football kit/trainers, but I buy uniform/plimsols etc..
He has refused since day one to put my name on the house, so I have nothing to my name. But he also refuses to sell up and move so we can own a joint property - presumably because he doesn't want us to be equals. His dad is a builder and turned the 1 bedroom bungalow into a 3 bedroom house for minimal cost so there is undeniably profit in the property to enable us to move. He calls me ungrateful for the fact he puts a roof over my head. I am ungrateful for everything. Last month I was doing MIL's hair and he was talking about taking DS out of school to go on holiday (something we row about ALL the time because he thinks he is above the law and can take him out whenever he likes) We already took DS out for a long weekend at Centreparcs last November and I told him at the time we wouldn't be able to apply again this school year - so he keeps banging on in front of his mother and I simply say 'I'm not having this conversation' because I don't want to row in front of his mum, (who by the way completely agrees with him because 'in my day' we did what we liked with our children and took them out of school whenever we liked) her children range from 30 to 23!! Conversation is changed and honestly I forgot about it until his mum left and he came in screaming about how rude I am to speak like that in front of his mum, how selfish and ungrateful I am, if anyone else had been offered a free holiday they would have snapped it up and been grateful!! He honestly does not see us as a family unit with a joint pool of money - he sees it as a holiday paid by him is a feeebie to me and therefore I have to be eternally grateful. I walked out and told DS I was nipping to my friends because I didn't want him to hear anymore than he had. I texted DH 'sort yourself and DS out for dinner, I don't want anything from you' because we were meant to be getting takeaway. About an hour later I get a text saying he can't order their food till I get back (?!?! There's about a dozen takeaways within delivering distance from us!) and when I get back, not only does he deny receiving my text (no red exclamation mark on my iPhone!!!!) but DS is on the sofa going oh mum I'm staaaarving why have you been so long!! And DH starts calling me (in front of DS) selfish for making my son wait for him dinner whikle I go off in a strop :-(
Another example - last year I did his lottery numbers for him which I have done MANY times before, and 4 numbers came up, so he was obviously pleased, but when he was putting DS to bed I realised I'd scribbled one fucking number out wrong!! So he won a tenner instead of 60 quid. He gave me a week to get the difference into his bank account. I had to borrow it off my mum :(
About a year ago I packed everything I owned and went to leave. I said I wanted to go while I am still young enough (30) to find someone else and start again, and he promised to changed. He recognised he fell into the EA category (because I did LOTS of printing and pink highlighting!) and obviously he was ok for a while but it creeps back doesn't it and he's back to talking to me like a piece of shit again except for when he wants sex.
DS is picking up on things now and a couple of times has said 'Dad doesn't like you' which has been the icing on the cake for me and makes me ant to leave but I AM SCARED TO!!!!! Please if you've been in this situation before I'd love to hear of similiar stories....
I could give a million other scenarios :-(
If you made it this far thanks, I really didn't mean for it to be this long!! xxxx