How did you "know" he had another woman. Dh swears blind. I

[2wwmadness]

Im 8.5 months pregnant. Dh and I have a hell of a year with his mother being very ill and me not supporting. We ate now in one hell of a mess and I'm not sure ou relationship will survive. Basically he wants out. Loves me, cares for me, doesn't want the marriage. Too much anger and fighting. I understand, at times nor do I. But when we are both about to leave, we can't. He says that he knows he is making the biggest mistake of his life and still really wants it to wil and believes his feelings will come back if we keep talking. It is getting better. Very slowly.
The thing is as soon as he told me he was struggling with our marriage I accused him of an affair. I am embarrassed to say I did do some mental hormonal behaviour. Dh has always maintained no one else is involved. I have all the passwords to everything. He shows me his phone whenever I ask. But deleates all his messages regularly anyway. The more I check up on him, the more
Angry he is getting as he swears he's not up to anything. I just can't shake the feeling. He had a fling years as years ago. A one night stand. He told me hen he could easily get away with it. Tells me that if someone else was involved it would be easy to walk away as he could fill his time with someone else. When he's tellin me a Beleive him. As soon as I'm
On my own. I have doubts again. I know these boards are very quick to shout othe woman. But calmly, honestly, how did you know. Am I being a pregnant hormonal crazy lady.
There is so much stress in his life at the moment. Can stress/ depression do this to tou?!?

I think it all sounds very messy and confusing. Your H's behaviour is very dodgy. However, your priority has got to be the baby and that means being calm and looking after yourself.

Your H has a lot of issues that he needs to sort out himself and if he wants to be helped, he needs to see a GP for counselling and support to give up drinking.

Ok. I've left him alone. I'll leave him alone. I had totally intended to. It was pure chance I drove past him. I mention the other woman because that's what I was too unanimously when instated talking about our problems on here the other day. It's horrible being lied to. I don't go mad if he goes out. Never have untill this. He just keeps lying to my face. I know no one here, I'm on my own and my husbands telling me he's not in love with me anymore. I'm 35 and a half weeks pregnant and feel alone. I'll back off. Compleatly.

Do you have family or friends that you can talk to - you are going to need some RL support esp when the baby comes and your H is not around to help.

Maybe I misunderstood but why does he need to take his wedding ring off to get drunk? You said before he never takes his off!? [Confused]

Something with this doesn't sit right with me

Nope: no one. They live a 3 hour drive away. My mum and dad live here. I'm staying with them at the moment they sort of know we are having problems. No one in my family has ever divorced. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins all married years with happy kids. They wouldn't understand this. If we split up I have to go back to my home town, that's why I'm still hanging in there. Dh won't see his son very much. I don't want to do that to him or our son, or me. I know we could be a great family. We were so good 6 months ago, this baby was planned! We ttc for a year. I don't understand. I wonder how much he has lied to me. It was the story he made up. With details. Off the top of his head like that, how am I supposed to Beleive what he says again. I'm questioning so much over the past few weeks now

No, he always leaves his wedding ring on. Sleeps in it. Said he took it off Sunday night. Sunday morning he made me promise to keep it on and he wouldn't take his off. Less than 24 hours later, I don't know why he would do that. I don't want to leave. I'm so scared

What was it that triggered this 6m ago?

His mother tried to kill herself end of November. 1st time ever and we never thought she would. Dh got a promotion to the city we live in now. Moved here and stayed with my family. Due to the
Commute meant he left hose at 6:30 got home at 9:30. I stayed in our old city 3 hours away till I went on mat leave. he spent every spare min on the phone to his family sorting his mum out or up the motorway to her. I moved here middle of feb, literally walke into this bomb site of dh crying all the time, saying he wasn't in love with me anymore. I didn't give him support and he's had to much time alone to think bout us.
I thought I was up supporting him by doing the whole pregnancy thing on my own. His
1st kicks, later scans, general pregnancy issues. I've done it all on my own. Coz he simply didn't have the time to deal with it.

Oh good lord no wonder you've had enough!

Do you think I'm over reacting though?!? Could I support him more? I'm feisty and speak before I think and have kicked off, but I feel like no one would be able to cope with this. Have I done enough?!? He really doesn't think so. Keeps saying he's so angry with me for not being there. I feel like he wasn't there for me. You know I was at the hospital this morning the baby we thought was breech. I was getting my c section booked in. He knows that. All my friends text and so did my mum
And dad asking what was going on. He's turned so I'm going naturally, dh didn't even ask. He was in some hotel room. I said to him I'm having the baby naturally now. He's turned when we were in the hospital. He didn't really respond, he just looks broken.

What story did he make up off the top of his head? Im sorry having trouble following what you write.

I didn't see your previous thread where you got the unanimous verdict. Perhaps that would help if you linked it.

PooPoo: the story about why he was walking down the road when he was supposed to have been in a different city. Then it turns out the story he gave was a lie (he hadn't slept in the bed)

OP: it sounds horribly horribly stressful for him and for you. He's probably got a whole range of emotions whirling around triggered by his mum's suicide attempt - ie. she was prepared to leave him. He's probably angry at her, amongst other things. Maybe he also doesn't have faith in his own ability to be a good father, given his family background. But I can understand why you feel let down by him.

Maybe you could think about sitting down with him and acknowledging how you both feel, how stressful life has been for both of you, and how this baby that will be arriving in your lives soon could be the beginning of a new life for both of you, if you want it.

Sorry. I'm not being clear. He was walking up the road from the station. I was driving up the same road. I saw him, pulled over and asked what was going on. He should of been at work in a different city at 8am. It was 11ish.
He said he had an alarm call out at 3am. He's been in work hours as a burglar code went off and he had to wait for engineers. He was woken up and put on the clothes he has on yesterday. It was the detail he bothered to put in the lie. He didn't whilst looking me in the face. I went home. The bed hadn't been slept in. If I hadn't of gone home and saw the bed he wouldn't of told me. That's what I'm struggling to get past. I'm questioning what's truth and what's fiction over the past few weeks.

I'm trying. He just keeps fighting with something in his own mind. He's so angry. I want him to see a gp so much. He said he would. The drink is just blurring everything though. god I'm so worried about him and so angry all at the same time

You said that you didn't support him and that you didn't agree with the type of support he gave his mum. Can you elaborate? You said that you felt you were being supportive by just being pregnant alone is that right?

He didn't have time to come to any scans . . . he must have been with his mum A LOT! It must be terrifying for him wondering if she it going to try to take her life again but he can't be by her side all the time.

That's it. He keeps saying he can't win. Someone is going to have to suffer. Him, me, his mum, his career And now he feels his son.
Ive always not know how to cope with her really. She is very manipulative and dh is an only child. She is single. For any little problem she will call dh and only deal with dh. Dh does all her accounts, problems, everything. I think he should say no to some stuff. Put boundaries in place and get support from authorities. Especially with the baby on the way. He started to, then she tried to kill herself and I think he blames me for that. They don't like to get professionals involved. I did research on support for carers and complaints as the home treatment teams after her discharge were shit. He saw that as me criticising what he was doing. I was just trying to help him. He cannot continue with that level of care and a family. I guess he sees that now and feels that his family is what has to give. I think we can balance it all. It just needs the work and the structure. If she rings saying I need you x y and z. He will be on the phone to her for hours. Till 3am. An example was I was about 23 weeks pregnant. He had to go and stay with her because she was scared her back door would jam in the cold. I am on my own. Walking to And from work in the dark. Eating on my own, in an empty house. I work on my feet and I'm tired and Piffy and really needed some love I guess. He went to her instead. I know she's ill. She was
Confused and scared. But I feel like I was sidelined for her. I would of taken a 30-70 split of his time. I felt I got none.

I was on your last thread and I think it was/is obvious that he is having an affair. You've posted even more clues on this one. Because you've accused him outright, he will be covering his tracks very carefully but as you found when you came across him on the street, he will lie every time he slips up.

It must be terrifying knowing she is so sad and wanting to end her life. I love my mil and don't want her to be ill. But there must be a way to juggle all this. It seems so
Selfish thinking I was helping by just being pregnant on my own. And it was. I should of kept my emotions out of it. I was so hurt
And angry though

I think I asked you last time, but you never came back to the thread. Are you categorically able to verify that all the times he's been on the phone to his mum and visiting her, it is not someone else? Or that he is always at work when he says he is?

Yes. When he's been away he's been where he says he was. I've seen train tickets receipts Ect, I know you think he's cheating. But it would just be to easy. Something doesn't add up. But he's generally not a bad guy.

Cheaters aren't necessarily 'bad guys' and from what I recall, he's already cheated in your marriage and you stayed with him, so you obviously don't think that cheating defines someone's personality (and I agree with you in general terms)

I don't think seeing train tickets proves owt, to be honest. And you had no idea he had been at work when you saw him on the street, so you don't always know his work schedules. It's seems beyond bizarre that he would check into a hotel rather than coming home.

It'a cheaper staying in a hotel than getting a taxi home. We live in the suburbs. I'm
Not making excuses. But do I leave my sons father. Move 3 hours away heavily pregnant, go through the heartbreak, raise this child on my own, the humiliation of being so pregnant and being "left" and the future of a happy family and what we could be on a hunch. The circumstances of this arnt normal. Stress does funny things to you. I don't know what to do. I have to
Be honest. Seeing him this morning with no ring on walking up the street made me more out of this Ryan I have ever been, I'm going to my home town tomorrow. I'll make arrangements to stay with friends just incase. Finically we will both be ruined by this. Emotionally when he sobers up and realises this is forever he's gunna be a mess, I don't know what to do

do you have ANY proof, real proof, not just feelings, that he is having an affair?
( i havent read any of the backstory here)
the reason i ask is that if you are continually pushing and probing and checking up on him, while is is also dealing with such a serious situation as his mothers attempted suicide then you are REALLY putting your marriage in a horrible space.
my dh has VERY personal experiance of suicide and attempted suicide of loved ones and i know that the worse times as a father for him were during the pregnanncy when he could do ntohing to protect our baby and when our child was ill and he could not do anything to help.
he literally falls appart, he steps back and cant cope.
maybe you need to realise how stressful and totally hellish having a suicidal parent is.
if he feels his own mother feels there is nothing to live for, even him or her future grandchild is not enough then it is VERY hard to cope with.

The reason I don't think this is a mental health issue is because he's able to function normally at work in a job that requires a high degree of acumen. He seems to reserve any appearance of losing his mind to his interactions with you.

On your last thread, you said that after he had started a new job in a completely different city, he moved without you for 3 months. As soon as you arrived in the new city, he told you he wasn't in love with you. Then seemed to relent, only to say the same thing as soon as you were living together in your own house. You also said that he took to staying out 'at mates' houses' overnight without telling you and now you say he uses hotels. It would be cheaper still to come home on time wouldn't it, so yes you are making excuses for him.

On the last thread you said he password-protected everything, but on this you say you've got all the passwords. I expect he's got a second phone somewhere and is why he has suddenly been transparent when a few weeks ago he was refusing to be open with you.

The bottom line is he is treating you shockingly badly and has been for months. He also wants out of the relationship. I'd take him at his word and let him go, but I'd be under no illusions that you're married to an unfaithful liar.