I want to post about a friend of mine - she's one of my closest friends, I suppose. We've been friends for over twenty years. We used to live near each other but a few years ago she and her family moved about 45 miles away.
She works near me and has to commute, so sometimes she stays over. I always look forward to this. I live alone now my children are older and I look forward to her company.
The problem is this. When we're together (at her house or mine) and are talking, she talks constantly. She talks over me if I try to join in. Last night I tried six times (yes, I counted) to talk, because the conversation was actually about my children. Six times I started (when she paused for breath) to say things like, "What really concerns me" or "What I am really upset about" and "What really worries me" and she just starts to talk again. She obviously hasn't finished what she was saying, but by that point I'd waited perhaps twenty minutes. It's in no way obvious that she hasn't finished. It's as though she doesn't know when to stop.
There are 'normal' conversational punctuation points, aren't there? So if you talk over someone, you say, "Oh god, I'm sorry, I've had too much to drink. What was it that you're worried about?" Or even, god forbid, you don't actually speak until your friend has voiced her concerns.
When I'm talking to friends, I'm always saying things like, "Don't you think?" and will listen to their answer. I actually want to know. She never does this.
Now I have started to think of other things she does. I don't want to do this, but when I see her for a few hours nowadays, I feel my shoulders slump as yet again I try to join in on the conversation, only to be over-ridden. When I go to her house, she doesn't ever say 'hello.' Her husband does - we get along well. She is never downstairs when I get there - no matter what time. When she sees me, she'll say something like, "I'm just going to light the fire" or something - she never says, "Hi" or "How was the journey?" or "How are you?" And yes, I do say that sort of thing to her. She does answer when I do, so she's aware that it's normal to speak like that when first meeting.
Please don't say she doesn't want to see me. She counts me as her best friend. She asks if she can stay. I love her and care for her, but every time she stays or I stay, I end up going to bed and crying because she so clearly isn't interested in actually having a conversation.
Because I live alone, I love to talk to people. I have really questioned whether I am actually dominating the conversation and she is determined to speak. But yesterday we walked back from the pub (about 1.5 miles.) I asked her a question when we left the pub and she was still talking when we got home. I had tried to speak but wasn't successful.
Do you know anyone like this? If you do, how do you manage the friendship? All I can think is to retreat from her.