OF course i know(angry)

[amdowntoearth]

Ive told the police and social services i suspect he(their dad) was abusing them,told them all the incidence and advices that made me come to that conclusion.They ignored me,roll their eyes and took no action telling me theres no evidence.I told the health visitor who contacted ss.I had a phone call from them and what she said was "you do know that this is a serious allegation why did you tell the health visitor",why did you put the kids in this situation"why did you allow him to see the kids if what you are saying is true(he sees them under my supervision after they refused to help in first place)of course i know(angry).so basically is my fault.I know i was stupid and cant forgive myself for not smelling a rat,he was weird and strange and i should have known,should have followed my instints and not what pp think.I can never leave them with anyone,they sleep in my room(shock).i cant trust anyone.

Surely social services would have a record of when you phoned before? Once you had told the health visitor ss had to take action as the Hv would be chasing them to follow up.

You will have been allocated a named social worker, if they have spoken to you like this after you have already self referred and been declined, I suggest you complain to their manager.

How old are your dc? Have they disclosed any incidents of abuse to you or to other parties such as teachers, other family members, etc? Have they been interviewed by police child protection officers or spoken to by social workers?

Do any of your dc have behavioural problems that you believe may have been caused by abuse? Do they act out or behave inappropriately with each other or to other children/adults?

Have you at any time raised your suspicions with their father? Does he accept that you will only allow him to have contact with your dc if you are present?

thanks.ds are 6 ,4 ,2,they never did anything no action whatsover,4 year old has behavioural problems which i think was due to the abuse.i pointed all this out to them but they decided to ignore it making me question myself all the time

Have your older dc said anything to you or to any other person that has confirmed your suspicion they have been abused by their father?

Have you been seen in person by a social worker or police officer or have any conversations you've had with Social Services and/or the police taken place on the telephone?

Have you spoken to the Headteacher at your older dcs school(s) or to your GP and asked for them to be referred to an educational psychologist?

How often do your dc have contact with their father?

Yes oldest has said something. Not discussed with go or headteacher as the PO I believed could help didn't give a shit.there are more chances they too will roll their eyes.I told this health visitor bcos shes involved with 4yr olds development n she could understand my concerns.

Gp, pp

What makes you suspect abuse occured? Did they tell you what happened? Did you see something? The police say there is "no evidence" - something must have convinced you though.

DC said smtn and a few incidents I withnesed.

The fact that your suspicions have been aroused is sufficient in itself, and it is not necessary for you to disclose any further information or detail relating to nature of the abuse you suspect has occurred here.

It's not uncommon for police officers and social workers to fail to see what is under their noses.

Unless the police officer you thought would help works within your regional police authority's child protection unit, it's unlikely that they will have any expertise in matters of child abuse.

As it would seem you suspect that all of your dc have suffered abuse at the hands of their father, I would suggest that you tell your GP of your concerns and ask him/her to refer your dc to a child psychologist.

I only asked to ascertain if there was something concrete which could be reiterated to try to get the family the help they need.

Izzyizin's suggestion about going to your doctor and getting a referral for therapy is a very good one.

Want to leave it with the health visitor for now,she's promised to do her best.

Surely though you want to investigate every possible avenue for getting your children the help they need?

When did the HV refer? SS have to feedback to her within 3 days as to what action they have decided.

Referral flowchart here

What is the DOWNSIDE in discussing it with your GP? Or the school?

Told her Monday n ss called on Tuesday. I'm just sick n tired of telling to pp who just roll their eyes.am sure uve will follow it up until something is done.

Hv. They asked for his number,do they think he will admit it (hmm)

If the response you receive from your HV is unsatisfactory, please go to see your GP.

Although it would seem at the present time that you are able to control and contain your dcs' contact with their father, it is important that your concerns are noted and investigated as he may request unsupervised access to, and overnight contact with, his dc.

If an allegation of child abuse is made to a police child protection unit, they will not make contact with the alleged abuser until such time as they have investigated the allegation and determined whether there is a case to answer.

In this instance, and for obvious reasons, I sincerely hope that you have not supplied his number or address and that you will not do so until you are satisfied that this matter is being handled properly by specially trained police officers, social workers, or other appropriate personnel.

Did they telephone or visit you? Was it Tuesday they were rolling their eyes or was that the previous time?

They should have given you an idea of what will happen next.

I am sure if the OP has supplied the telephone number and address of her ex to SS, that they know the correct procedure in these cases.

It would be reassuring to think that social workers would know correct procedures, Rhinosaurus. Unfortunately in my experience, and that of many others, this is not always the case.

So what? You risk potential eye rolling. At least you have taken another step to document an report your concerns. And your GP could treat it very seriously and refer your children to the appropriate therapy / counseling etc which if they HAVE been abused they will so desperately need. I think I'd take the chance if I were you. Because if SS does take this up they will be immediately asking you if you did EVERYTHING you could possibly do to a. Protect them and b. seek help for them.

There is a mother in the sexual abuse support thread who was in this situation and she said she was very closely questioned as to how she handled the situation. That thread might be really helpful for you to read if you haven't already done so, if you can bear it of course.

I'm so sorry you are facing this. It's every mothers worst nightmare.

I did give them his contact n he know all the incidence did happen.they can question me infront of him.I. did my best but it wasn't easy for me to come to that conclusion ,ready for all the qqs

I don't think it would be wise for you go into any detail here about what you have seen, suspect, or otherwise believe, in relation to what may be transpire to be an investigation into allegations of child abuse.

Please rest assured that you're believed on this board and I hope you'll come back with an update when you see your HV again or she gets in contact with you.

Finally getting somewhere. Ss visiting this morning wish me luck.