What would you say to DH?

[TheyCallMeMimi]

DH wants me to do something I don?t want to do. It?s not illegal or unethical; I just don?t want to do it. He keeps asking me, usually during sex because the idea of me doing it turns him on. It doesn?t turn me on. In fact, if I did it, I would feel foolish.
He uses lines like: ?you can do it just for me?, ?you know you?d enjoy it really?, and ? ha, the trump card: ?you?ve done it before?. Well yes, I have done it before ? but I don?t want to do it again. Last night he asked ?how do I get you to do it??. I replied that he couldn?t GET me to do anything ? I?m not a dog you can train. Well, he took exception to this, stormed out of bed, banged a few doors and slept on the living room floor. This morning he could barely look at me never mind speak to me. ?Good morning? was beyond him. I told him if he had nothing to say to his wife then he had some serious thinking to do.

Any other good lines I should be rehearsing?

Yes I know a good line you can rehearse:

'FUCK OFF'

Is it something HE'D be willing to do? Like, if he's trying to get you to do anal and you don't want to, how about asking him if he'd let you do it to him?

If he's up for that then I don't know what to tell you.

"How can I get you to do it?" - "You can't"
"You've done it before" - "And I am never doing it again"
?you can do it just for me? - "No, I won't"
?you know you?d enjoy it really? - "No, I wouldn't"

I would look him in the eye and tell him the subject was off limits and closed.
HIBU!!

Without knowing exactly in gory detail what it is you don't want to do, it's not possible to come up with any good lines that will suit the exact situation.

As it sounds as if you're more than capable of coming up with suitable retorts as and when needed, I would suggest that maybe it's time for actions to speak louder than words - make up a bed for him on the living room floor every night until he gets the message that you don't intend to change your mind.

"Do you really not give a shit about my feelings?"

Tell him that you consider the subject closed - you understand that he'd like you to do it, but you don't want to and won't be changing your mind. And if he brings it up again, leave the room. I think if he brings the subject up during sex and that leads to him getting no sex at all, he is likely to learn to shut up about it fairly quickly.

get a strapon

ask him how you can "get him" to let you shag him in the back of the station wagon at the local park. with the doors open and the lights on.

on a more serious note, i am sorry he is being such a knob. i hope he gets over himself and sees the error of his ways

Loving the answers... I've used most of them already except Proudnscary's. Jackstini - have you been listening through my bedroom wall? SarkyWench - am repeating under my breath already.

Wow, does he have zero respect for you in other areas of your life?

How deeply unattractive. He'll end up putting you off sex altogether if he doesn't stop this manipulative begging.

I am DYING to know what it is you don't want to do but I would go along with the "would you like me to do it to you" and if that doesn't work then "I am not doing it, if you mention it again you will be doing it for my divorce lawyer".

What a twat of the highest order. How dare he try and coerce you into doing something that you have tried and decided you do not want to do again. Even had you NEVER tried it, you should still be able to refuse it on whatever grounds you choose.

I would be saying to my DH "if you bring this up again, I will refuse to have sex with you again until you realise how unreasonable you are being".

Sounds like a rotten situation. If there are consequences for continuing to pester you how about what HoudiniHissy just commented "How deeply unattractive ..you will end up putting me off sex altogether if you do not stop this manipulative begging"

I had a boyfriend once that did this about anal sex, to the point of emailing me an article that explained how wonderful it felt for the girl. If I remember correctly, it was straight from something like FHM or Nuts

He is an XP now.

I would say 'no, I wouldn't be comfortable with trying that'. And it would not ever be mentioned again.

I can see that wouldn't work for you though. Maybe tell him that sulking and throwing a tantrum like a child makes him very unattractive to you, and that trying to coerce someone into agreeing to a sex act they're not comfortable with is deeply unpleasant behaviour.

Why do you think he's so obsessed with this particular thing? Does he watch a lot of porn, just out of interest?

Is it a sex thing he is asking for?

I think I'd go for.

"No. Tried it once and didn't like it."

< DH persists >

"DH. Do you know what they call a man who tries to get a woman to do something sexual she has said she won't do?"

Urgh. Go on, tell us what it is!

I would be saying "Would you really be comfortable getting off on me doing it, when you know I would be really hating it? Because that's fucked up."

Houdini and Elephants have it about right - if someone tried to force me to do something sexual I wasn't comfortable with I'd be downing tools in that department pdq until they agreed to stop badgering.

And would he really enjoy it knowing you were hating it? Because that is a bit on the fucked up side, yes.

Yes that's a good point too, a bit disturbing that he would get off on doing something that you didn't really want to be happening - in my experience most decent men would find it quite a turn-off to know their partner is reluctant or not enjoying it.

The constant asking reminds me of my XH.
Even if you do give in and do IT, whatever it is, to shut him up, he will either want you to do it again, or dream up something else that want you to do.

The constant nagging is very wearing.

I gave in and did IT and then he wanted THAT on a regular basis (no not up the bum).
Is he selfish in other ways too or is he Mr Nearly Perfect?

I would be saying "Would you really be comfortable getting off on me doing it, when you know I would be really hating it? Because that's fucked up."

I wish I had thought of that! It's just the right amount of insulting, truthful and making him feel like shit that is required.

It reminds of what exH used to do.

It lead to me avoiding sex and him trying to.

And throwing tantrums too. And twice being violent, although not during, but essentially because he was not getting it.

I know what I call that.

And your OH is clearly a danger of going that way. :(

When I got fed up of an ex wanting anal (I wasn?t so into it but it really was his thing) I suggested I buy a ?clone your bone? kit, turn his casted cock into a dildo, put it in a strap-on and fuck him with it, he didn?t persist. Although he said he thought it was fair enough, he became strangely quiet on the subject after that, LOL.

"Fuck off you wanker" because thats kindof accurate when you think about it .

See what happens when I forget to add the words "it's not a sex act"! But am enjoying the assumptions you are all making anyway. And the amusing suggestions. (Thanks, WineGoggles.)

I don't think it's important that you know what IT actually is (feel free to keep guessing ) . TBH I wouldn't mind it, if he would be content with fantasising, but he clearly isn't.

Promise I have not been listening at your bedroom walls Mimi
Although wish I had now, just so I knew what it was he was asking!!

Time for a MN guessing game:
Is it something you have got to:
a) do?
b) say?
c) wear?
!