He left me how do i deal with it?

[theonewiththenoisychild]

My partner left me today we have been together 5 and have 2 dcs. I feel sick. My 4yo misses him already and went to bed sobbing saying she misses daddy. Struggling to come to terms with it all myself. Cant stop crying i love him and miss him. I went to sleep last night woke up now and its hit me like a brick again feeling very sick

Bump for you OP.

I don't have experience of this, so cannot be properly helpful.

Soon there'll be wiser MNers along.

Aw bless you.
Im not sure of your circumstances. Is it definitely over?
I know how you feel and it's such a horrible feeling. It physically hurts!
Im not sure I can help all I can say is time is such a big healer, and hearing that it doesnt help and you dont believe this empty feeling will ever go away but I promise in time it does get better.

Oh you poor thing xxx

You're in shock so let yourself cry a bit this morning. Then get up and take your babies out somewhere nice - go visit friends, go to the park with a few sandwiches, something normal. The more devastated you are and show it, the worse it is for your children - I speak from experience. They come first and the more normal you act, the happier you will be.

I'm so sorry you feel so devastated - it's shit, I know - but try not to keep on loving a man who could wreak such destruction on your family. He's not worth it.

can someone come and help you? I know people knowing may be the last thing you feel like you want right now, but when it happened to me, my sister came with both her kids (3 and 1) and brought a picnic lunch. My DS was so excited to play with his cousins all day that I could hide in my room and sob myself literally sick almost unnoticed. It's a physical, visceral punch in the guts. And you must, must let it out - you can't swallow that kind of hurt. But your babies need to be distracted if possible at all, so please think about calling someone, anyone really - friend, parents, neighbour?

It may not mean much right now, but I only cried that hard for one day. I've cried a lot since, but nothing as gut wrenchingly painful as that initial shock. You WILL be ok, and you WILL get through it. But going through it means letting some of the pain out, and it does hurt like hell. Just know we are all holding your hand until someone in RL comes along who can hold it for you properly - you will be ok x

"Cant stop crying i love him and miss him"

Which is horrible when it's rejected. A total waste of affection and emotion. I agree with all the advice to get yourself out of the house, be with friends and keep as busy and positive as you can. The longer he is out of your hair, the more time goes by, the more you'll be able to move yourself from the immediate 'loving and missing' to being 'damned angry at being treated so badly'.

Good luck

Ah Sweetie its so terrible but you really will move through this and come out better for it.The most horrible thing about this is he hasnt told you why and it was very suddden (i presume)

Dont allow him just to clear off,they are his children too.Text him right now and tell him how much maintainence you will require until you can claim any benefits owed to you and also when you expect him to spen time with his children.

With hindsight i wish id have looked after myself better when it happend to me so eat and try to get some rest.

Enlist friends for company as its horrible to be alone for a while.

Make nice plans for the future,maybe a little trip in the summer or even a day out.

Remember that lots of people have been through this and dont even give it a second thought now.

Try not to obsess about the whys and what ifs it wont help.

Try to have very minimal contact with him for a while. Let him collect the children from a friend or family member and dont talk unless absolutely essential.Thjis will give you time to heal.

Above all. Keep you dignity,it will really help you to feel in control and imagine his sily face when you dont beg and plead with him to come back.

You can do this girl.You are a woman,we are bloody fabulous

Thanks everyone. Ive been paranoid thinking he is cheating for a year now and its understandably worn him down. I do have reasons for this paranoia as had a spiteful message on facebook. Theres family rivalry so believe it to be one of those but doubt kept biting away at me and them it just broke us

Weve had a chat tonight and im not sure how it will work out but im hoping to be able to start fresh and move on he says he loves me but cant stand it how things were

He says this morning he needs time to decide what he wants

I'd tell him to bugger right off. Either he's with you or he isn't. Make him choose so that you can get on with the rest of your life - its not fair for you to be kept in limbo.

Do it for your children, if not for you.

X

He is back in home (on the air bed) his dads wife threw him out kinda forced his hand because he went to talk to my best friend the other night and they are annoyed the best friend and him didn't tell me. Im annoyed he went there. And annoyed they didn't tell me. Both said nothing went on.....

Dd will be happy to see her dad in the morning tho

Am i naive to believe them?

Are you naive to believe them? You know the answer to that, but if you post more detail here such as why you thought he was cheating and the content of the 'spiteful message' others will be able give you the benefit of their opinons.

Do you think he's been cheating on you with your best friend?

sounds like it izzyizin...

No i dont. I know for a fact my best friend wouldnt do it to me. Just asking if people think im naive to be believing them. I do believe them was just annoyed they didnt tell me because they thought i would het all paranoid

Messages said that he kissed another woman and has been leading her on and the person got very personal and said some nasty things about me. The person has changed names on facebook since as this person appears on my blocked list i believe it to be a family member of one of us

Me and dp have sorted it out finally this past week has been very difficult to say the least both on me and the dc's they are 4 and 2 so they didnt handle it well

hi, as someone who was torn in two by ex going back and forth between me and the other woman, please please keep your own counsel for a while. Build yourself and your boundaries up, do what you need to keep you and the dcs flourishing. He has punched a huge whole in your relationship, a little bit of paper to cover it up is not enough. If he wants to be there for you find out what you want and tell him. I was the doormat and I got walked on.
Take care and be strong

He swears he has never cheated and well he rarely goes out so i believe him. No OW would put up with a half an hour here n there tbh i think its my own insecurities making me think stuff as put on 2 dress sizes and had 2 babies since we got together so feel rubbish about myself

I was size 6 at 18 quit smoking went up to a 14 in a matter of months suppose pizza and beer does that then went down to size 10 and met dp. Now im a size 12 but a wobbly 12. I would haveto starve for a year to get back to size 6 and dp is a great cook so that not an option

I agree with struwelpeter - keep an open mind.

If theres one thing ive learnt its that i dont need him anymore so im stronger than i was and less willing to let him get it all his own way

Things are still getting better and finally i have had my chance to speak (dp usedto dismiss anything i wanted to change in the relationship as me complaining about him rather than just telling him what i need from him) now he has finally listened so things are a little better i think he has damaged our relationship badly by leaving me and i'll never forget and havent yet forgiven him. I understand why he left but im not willing to take all the blame anymore

I don't understand why he left you, OP. He also left his kids and I don't understand that either. To put you and them through such anguish must have been planned. I don't believe that a person - man or woman - just ups and leaves without thinking it through and planning their 'route'. It hasn't worked out for him, that's why he's back.

Bide your time, know that he could do this again at any time and even though everything in the garden seems rosey now - it could change again without warning because your partner is selfish enough to just leave you to it when it suits him.

I know you won't want to read this - or believe this - because you're now in the position of having to revisit your pain and re-write it to a degree, so that you can continue almost as you were...

Be aware and beware... make yourself strong enough that if/when he does this again, you are not shell-shocked again and you can make your permanent plans. You'll survive with or without him and your kids will survive and thrive because they have you and you'll put them first.