He left me how do i deal with it?

[theonewiththenoisychild]

My partner left me today we have been together 5 and have 2 dcs. I feel sick. My 4yo misses him already and went to bed sobbing saying she misses daddy. Struggling to come to terms with it all myself. Cant stop crying i love him and miss him. I went to sleep last night woke up now and its hit me like a brick again feeling very sick

What did he re why he left?

He sounds like a dick

I am glad he is off that pedestal you had him on

A more realistic you will emerge from this...more fool him, stupid man

say

He left because i was paranoid thinking he was cheating on me. He rarely went out the door and when he did he wasnt out for long. I got some messages on facebook saying he kissed someone else and has been leading her on. There was a long chat with this person on facebook and they claimed to know all his family and to be sitting with one of them at the time yet couldn't answer the most basic of questions about his family or anything and this person said he met the girl that day and he was with our daughter that day so i very much doubt it. Still it put doubt into my mind and it all just blew up in my face

Just to add my family cant stand me being with him and a few members of his family don't like me and they have attempted to split us up in the past

Its very rare for a man to leave his home comforts for no reason which is why we usually say that he has someone else.

Usually if an innocent man has been accused of cheating, he would be surprised/bewildered and would try and reassure you. Instead your H is angry and defensive and has chosen to punish you all by leaving you and his DD.

DC

He said he was done with trying to reassure me. Said it never does any good. I think ive always been a bit insecure i don't trust men (i have good reason not to) while i agree that i have been messed up i still don't believe i deserved him to leave me. He says after over a year of constant paranoid behaviour from me he just snapped he wasn't happy so he went to stay with his dad. We had a long chat when he came back and he said he loves me and he wants things to work with us he swears he hasn't cheated or been with anyone while we were separated said his head is too messed up to have another woman screwing his head up even more and if we were to split up he would steer clear of other women for a long time. He phoned the kids every day and he was here most days to see them and was on the phone to me every night talking to me about things. When he first came back he said he didn't like to see me so upset and hurting like i was and he said he didn't know what was best because the way things were the last 12 months was hurting us both. He said that if we gave it another go i would need to just trust him. Tbh he has never given me any reason to think he is cheating i used to go through his phone and theres never been any phone numbers in there that i don't know myself as i have his family's numbers and our mutual friends numbers nothing on his call log and no txts or emails and he doesn't use his facebook account i set it up and have got the password he hasn't bothered with it. He is a gamer doesn't bother with much else. He said when we had our chat he is in love with me and still fancies me he didn't come back for the kids or convenience or because of money he came back because he loves me. He said that he is sorry he hurt me and that he just needed to clear his head and he needed for me to learn to trust him because i was very paranoid. I admit i was. I don't even think i really believed he cheated i was just lashing out because i am always stuck in the house with the kids and i know its sad but whenever he went anywhere even if it was nowhere exciting i was jealous because i wasn't the one out of the house i couldn't understand why i couldn't go but i go round my neighbours some nights because i just need to get away from it all i suppose him popping to town or to see his dad is the same. I said spiteful things and then regretted saying them. I wouldn't expect him to accuse me. Its easy for me to say because i know I'm not the cheating type. My dsil says she would lay her life on it that he wouldnt cheat on me. He went to talk to her while we were separated aswell as my best friend and they both say he is mad about me just very hurt and upset. I don't know whether he has been with anyone else for sure but I'm not going to let my insecurities get the better of me again because unless i see proof i am not going to let my past ruin my view of the world anymore than i already have its strange but my past has messed up my head so much i havent trusted a man since i was 5 except my dad i would trust him with my life

From what you have just written, you sound trapped and lonely. Your self esteem needs building up.

Are you doing anything outside the home? Voluntary work or training?Hobbies/activities? Friends?

Does he take care of the kids while you go out and pursue your interests?

I think you really need to look at building a life of your own outside of the home - it will do so much to help you feel better about yourself.

I still think what he did was very wrong, especially for your DC and what he did probably made you all feel even more insecure.

Have you had any counselling? Cognative behavioural therapy is very effective at helping people to come to terms with negative emotions and put them in perspective. it's a long process- one you might need to repeat over time if you don't find a good therapist at first -but it does help massively. It sounds like it might help you with your trust issues.

I usually like being at home i love reading watching telly with a bottle of wine i'd like to go out i used to do zumba but stopped that i think maybe i should try going again now because i did enjoy it. I find a hobby and give up on it quickly. The counselling/therapy sounds like a good idea will haveto look into it. I go to a neighbours we usually watch a film do some pampering like nails or facials and have a good chat but i think me and dp need some proper nights out too